60. Astor
CHAPTER SIXTY
ASTOR
Y ou truly never know what you need until it’s wiped away from you. At least that’s what they say, except the problem with that is I did know. I knew what Alessia meant, I knew she was mine to protect. I didn’t need a wakeup call; I didn’t need a reminder. I just needed her and she was taken from me. Ripped from me the moment we decided to stop fucking around and just be together. That won’t happen again. I fought how badly I wanted her for so long and now she’s my wife.
My fucking wife.
That I’ll protect until my last breath.
“My love…what’s going on in that head of yours?” she says, elbowing me. We’re surrounded around our friends for our families’ annual Christmas Eve party.
“You called me a new name?” I tease. She rolls her eyes and leans into my arm that’s draped over the back of her shoulder.
“Lessia, will you tell Mikhail that I’m so much fun?” Tess asks, batting her eyes.
“Mikhail, Tess here is so much fun,” she says with a fake smile on her face.
“See! Told ya!” She smacks his arm and plops herself in his lap before he groans and pushes her off. “Big dickhead!” she says, rubbing her hands over what I’m sure is a sore ass.
“Ah don’t be such a grump, Mikhail. She likes you,” Caro says.
He turns his furrowed stare to her.
“She doesn’t know me,” he responds before getting up and walking out of the family room.
“Come on, guys. It’s Christmas, leave the man alone,” Briar speaks up. River nods in agreeance.
“Yeah, don’t poke the bear,” she says.
“Blah blah blah, I’m going after him. Maybe I can piss him off enough for him to snap at me.” Tess winks as she chases after Mikhail like a lost puppy. It’s weird, her being so openly into him. Honestly, it seems that all of my wife’s girlfriends think I’m either stupid or oblivious to their crushes on my friends. Briar is staring at Teagan every time they’re in the same room and River drools over every goddamn sound Jay makes.
Alessia leans up to whisper into my ear. “I wonder which one will fuck first.”
I snicker and lean in before responding, “Definitely Mikhail and Tess.”
“Eh, my money is on Teagan and Briar.”
“Wanna shake on it?”
“I wanna do more than shake on it.”
“My bedroom. Now.”
“Astor, this house is full of our family and friends. Absolutely not.”
“Fine, but later, little devil.”
Caroline comes and sits next to Alessia, leaning her head on her shoulder.
“Our boyfriends are about to leave us for some secret mission.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Ask him,” she says pointing to me. I raise my eyebrow and Alessia frowns at me.
“What’s she talking about?”
“Mafia wants to meet tonight with updates on the Miles’ situation.”
She gently pushes Caroline off and stands, walking away. I follow after her, knowing she’s probably pissed. We take the stairs to my old room, shutting the door when I walk in behind her.
“You didn’t think I should know about that?” she asks.
“It was going to be quick. They just want an update.”
“It’s my revenge, it should be my update.”
“Alessia…”
“No, you weren’t going to tell me.”
“Stop.”
“ You stop . This last week you’ve been treating me like I’m going to break at any fucking second. You haven’t talked to me about Miles’, you haven’t asked me what I want to do anymore. Ever since that night, you’ve walked on eggshells around me. You won’t even take phone calls in front of me anymore. I’m not weak, Astor…”
I start to pace back the floors and she watches me closely.
“I know you aren’t weak.”
“They why are you treating like I am?”
I grow quiet because she still doesn’t remember. I thought she remembered everything, but clearly, she doesn’t.
She shakes her head at my silence before heading for the door.
“Because you were going to kill yourself.”
She stops in her tracks.
She turns slowly to me and my eyes are fucking filled with tears. I swear you’d never catch me fucking crying, because I don’t do it. Now in the last month, it’s all I seem to fucking do.
“What?”
“You were going to kill yourself.”
“No, I wasn’t.” She’s so confused.
“Yes, Alessia, you were. After he raped you…there was a few hours before you forgot everything. You were hysterical. No one could get you to calm down, including me. You said you were tainted and that I shouldn’t want you. That your parents deserved a girl who was stronger. You took your father’s gun and put it inside of your mouth.”
Her head is shaking back and forth. And the more she shakes, the more I sense her memories peer through.
“You told me that if I didn’t leave out of the room, you’d pull the trigger. And I told you that if you pulled the trigger, you’d be robbing us of our life together. You told me?—"
“—That if you loved me to start hating me, because it’d be easier that way. I made you promise to leave me.”
“Yeah…you did.”
She runs to me and I gather her in my arms, shushing her as she cries grow louder.
“You avoided me because I made you promise to, I made you promise to leave.”
“But I didn’t leave. I didn’t promise that part.”
“But I left…and I forgot. I forgot you. I forgot us .” When she looks up at me, my heart is broken. Because she finally understands the pain, she finally understands the depth of what I had to go through for her to be able to survive and find herself again. Even though she wanted to do it without me. I wipe her face and plant a kiss on her forehead. “That’s why you reacted that way when I said it’d be better if I weren’t...” She can’t even finish her sentence. I feel sick to my stomach at the words.
“I’m stronger, I promise. He’s not taking anything else from me. I’m coming to this meeting.”
“Ok. I’m sure your father will like seeing you there. You always refused to go to them.”
I smirk at the memory of her refusing to be eye candy for the sons who would be at the meetings. Now though, I know she has no problem going because she knows she’s with someone who has no problem carving their eyes out of their skulls if they don’t keep them off of her.