Present Day
“You’re kind of grumpy for a traveler,” Chase says, yanking me out of my head and back into the warm glow of my living room.
“What?” I frown, tossing my crust down on my plate.
“Traveling the world sounds so… carefree. But, it doesn’t really match…“ he gestures at me, “this.”
I raise a brow. “I only traveled to Southeast Asia, not the world, and what makes you think I’m not carefree?”
He smirks, grabbing another slice from the coffee table. The second pizza came out perfectly. I should be focused on that. But instead, moments of him pressed against me are warring with memories of our awful past. I’m not too sure which one is winning.
“Mmm—“ he hums, brushing crumbs off his shorts and turning to face me, propping one leg on the couch like he’s been waiting for this question. “You check your watch more than anyone I know. At work, you treat your task list like it’s a full-blown itinerary—”
“To-do list,” I correct.
“Same difference. You repeat words to yourself, like all the time, and you always show up early. Stay late, too.”
I blink. “How do you know all that?”
He shrugs, running his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know. I guess ever since we started working together, I notice when you get twitchy. You get this tense little tick when something messes with your routine. You don’t say anything, but it’s there.”
“Hmm.” I tilt my head, taking a moment to watch him happily bite into his pizza. “You watch me a lot,” I murmur.
He stops mid-chew, color creeping into his cheeks as his gaze flicks away. “But... am I wrong?” he says with an awkward laugh.
My lips purse, as I spread my arm on the back of the couch. “I guess I like control,” I admit.
He nods slowly. “I can believe that.”
“Jiu-jitsu’s the same way. You’ve got to stay in control of your body at all times. Nothing… surprising happens. But, it wasn’t a problem when I went away.”
Chase leans in a little. “Tell me about it.”
“About jiu-jitsu?”
“No,” he says quietly. “Well, yes—but, also about going away. I’ve never… gone anywhere, really. It sounds kind of incredible.”
I glance at him. I don’t talk about my travels often, but suddenly, I kind of want to.
“Tell me,” Chase urges again, his voice soft, like he’s not sure I’ll actually open up.
“Alright.” I shift a little on the couch, turning toward him. “Well, Thailand was probably my favorite. There’s this island called Koh Lipe. I was sort of stuck there after missing a ferry to Langkawi.”
His brows lift slightly. “You missed a ferry?”
“Yeah,” I exhale a small laugh. “I was late getting off the train. It stressed me out for five straight hours. I was convinced the whole trip was ruined.”
Chase smiles. “That sounds more like you.”
“Thanks,” I say dryly, but my lips twitch. “Anyway, I got to the dock too late, and the next ferry wasn’t until the next day. I was already exhausted and annoyed, so I booked the cheapest place I could find near the pier—thought I’d just get through the night and move on.”
“But?”
My shoulders relax. “But, I woke up the next morning to this view. It was incredible. I’ve never seen water like that.
It was so clear you could see straight to the bottom.
There was this tiny breakfast shack with fresh pineapple juice and mango sticky rice, and no one was in a hurry.
It hit me that I didn’t actually have anywhere to be.
“ I pause, remembering it. “So I stayed.”
“Just like that?” Chase asks, eyes narrowing like he’s not sure he believes it.
“Just like that.” I blink slowly. “Something about it just…calmed me down. No schedule, no alarms. Nowhere to be.”
“Sounds like a dream.”
“It felt like one…but it was real.” I chew on my bottom lip. The feeling of loss coming over me. I miss it more than I thought.
Chase’s smile fades into something softer. “You ever think about going back?”
“No,” I admit, honestly. “I think I kind of… chalked it up to being young and dumb. A moment in time, I guess. Get serious about my career plan.”
“Damn. That’s too bad,” he says, quietly.
There’s a pause. He spreads his arm out on the back of the couch, his pinky grazes mine on the cushion, and I know I should move my hand—but I don’t.
Chase’s voice drops slightly. “Care-free Jeremiah seems like fun.”
I glance at him, my heart suddenly too loud in my ears. “You think?”
“Yeah,” he says, his eyes dropping to my lips. “But I like this version of you too.”
The room goes quiet except for the soft murmurs of Blood Orange playing somewhere in the background. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. I just know that I want to lean in again. Feel those soft lips against mine again.
But I don’t.
And neither does he.
But it’s close.
So close.
I’ve never really said that out loud before. When I glance at Chase, he isn’t looking away or shifting uncomfortably. He’s just... watching me. Something about the way he is tells me to offer up a little more.
“My whole life sort of flipped after I left. My mom packed her and my sister, and they both left my dad while I was away. As though she already made the decision that I was better off with him. It’s like she waited for me to leave to fully detach herself,“ I mutter. “My whole family just… crumbled. It’s almost like messes happen when I don’t follow what I’m supposed to do,“ I add, quieter this time.
“If I had just stayed home after graduation and stuck with the plan—“
His hand suddenly grabs my wrist.
“It would’ve happened either way,” he says gently. “Had nothing to do with a plan… it was just life.”
I nod, a small exhale leaving me.
His thumb brushes against my skin before his eyes drop to where he’s touching me, like he’s realizing what he’s doing.
Letting go, he settles his hand back on the couch.
“Wanna tell me more about traveling?” he asks quietly.
I find myself smiling softly. Because somehow, this feels safe.
So I do. I tell him about the quiet streets in Bangkok at 5 a.m. and how I once swam in a river in Bali with no one around.
Chase sits there, fully content with listening to me relive my favorite parts of my life. He throws in some fun questions now and again which sparks for an even deeper trip down memory lane, until Honey lets out a loud yawn-meow mix in her little cat loaf on my living room floor.
“Oh shit, it’s eleven p.m.,” I gasp, looking at my watch. “I’ve been talking for so long.” I groan.
“You should do it more,” he smiles softly.
I swallow deeply. If he continues talking like that…well, then I’ll be in more trouble than I already am.
“But yeah, I guess it’s late. I’ll order an Uber now.” He nods, ordering a car on his phone.
I pick up our plates from the table and put them away as Chase collects his belongings throughout the apartment.
“You know… don’t think I haven’t noticed how quiet you are about your life,” I say softly, trailing after him as he gently guides Honey into her carrier.
“Well, I’m nowhere near as interesting as you are,” Chase smiles, sliding his tote over his shoulder. I try to ignore the loneliness creeping up quietly.
“I’m sure that’s not true–”
He stops abruptly at the door, turning so fast I nearly crash into him.
“Jeremiah, you just made me pizza from scratch. I’m pretty sure you’re the coolest person I’ve ever met,” he blurts.
The second the words leave his mouth, panic flashes across his face—like he realizes a little too late what he just admitted.
I can’t help but laugh.
“Well, when you put it that way.” I can’t believe he sees me like that. I fight the urge to brush my thumb over his brow. Instead, I fist my hand shut.
Chase’s smile fades as his eyes trail across my face. “I had fun tonight,” he says softly. “Me and Honey.” He adds, holding her up in her little carrier.
“Yeah. Anytime.” I nod, hesitating.
“Yeah,” Chase repeats, sadly.
Stay.
My brows pinch as I open the door. He gives me a small smile before turning to leave. I watch him head down the hallway for the elevator.
He steps inside, giving me a small wave before the elevator doors begin to close.
I lift my hand to wave back—but I’m too late.
Instead, my fingers drift to my lips. To where his mouth was.
And fuck, I can still remember exactly how it felt.
Any-fucking-time, Chase.