52. Jeremiah
Jeremiah
Symptoms by Stephen Dawes
Four Months Later
“Damn, I’m nervous.” Chase shivers, rubbing his hands up and down his thighs.
I quickly grasp his hand and hoist it over the console, lacing our fingers together. “It’ll be okay. You’re not alone and they’re going to love you.” I soothe, tracing little circles with my thumb on the back of his hand.
Chase’s leg bounces nervously up and down as he stares out the car window, biting his thumb. His breath fogs up the frosted window, this cold December day.
“What if she doesn’t like me?”
“That’s impossible. Everyone likes you,” I wink, giving him a smile, I hope he finds it calming. “Plus, she seemed to have been very excited to see you when we talked on the phone,” I remind him softly.
Looking back now, I realize just how much of a risk it was going behind Chase’s back a few months ago and trying to find his birth mom. But after hearing him talk about her, about how he never blamed her, about how he remembered feeling loved—I couldn’t let it go. It felt like a risk worth taking.
It took weeks of phone calls and dead ends before Theo and I finally reached the right people. And then, somehow, things started falling into place.
The moment I learned she’d been hoping to find Chase too, I knew I’d made the right decision.
And now, we’re here. Driving down the backroads of O’Leary, Prince Edward Island.
She’d only ever been a two-hour flight away.
I can only imagine how nerve-racking this feeling must be. I can only hold him, remind him that he’s loved and safe and hope everything will be alright. I want him to remember this as a good memory.
We arrive at their house in about an hour from Charlottetown which was filled with lots of anxious song switching and nervous tapping from my handsome passenger.
As we pull into the long, snow-shoveled driveway of a pale blue bungalow, snow crunching softly beneath the tires, I put the car in park and turn to him.
“Hey.” I nudge him on his leg. He still hasn’t let go of my hand.
“Hey,” he exhales, turning his body towards me.
Running my free hand softly over his brow, I softly cup his cheek as he leans his head into my hand.
“Remember what I told you on our first date?” I ask, running my thumb softly along his cheek.
“You fell in love with me because of my awesome karaoke skills?”
I roll my eyes and laugh. “Okay, the other thing.”
He takes in a big deep breath and exhales. “I’m worth holding on to…”
Over these past few months, I must’ve repeated this to him over and over again. I want him to never forget it.
I nod. “Yes, Chase. You’re worth holding on to,” I echo, leaning in for a soft, gentle kiss.
He opens his mouth further for me and I take a quick taste of his soft tongue.
Knock, knock, knock.
Our eyes both shoot open at the sound of the light taps against the window.
Chase slightly pulls away and I can tell by his eyes darting over my shoulder that someone is standing beyond my driver's window.
I lick my lips. “They’re standing outside our window, aren’t they?”
“Mhmmm,” Chase hums awkwardly, waving his hand at them.
Alrighty, here we go.
I turn around and spot a woman and tall man with glasses, holding each other's arms tightly with bright grins on their faces.
The pair of them standing in the driveway look so happy and excited to see us, practically bouncing on their tiptoes.
We open our doors and step out of the car.
Chase buries his hands in his pockets as he exits the van, quickly coming over to stand beside me.
“Chase—” The woman breathes, mitts clasped at her lips.
Tears brim her eyes as she looks at her son.
“Can I…” she hiccups. “Can I hug you?” She stands tall, like Chase is, with long cinnamon hair tucked underneath a woven yellow hat.
She’s beautiful, and I can already tell that this is where Chase gets his magnetic charm from.
A rush of air slips past his lips, and I instinctively place my hand on the small of his back for stability.
“Yeah, of course—” he’s unable to let out another word before her arms wrap around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug.
He chuckles softly, wrapping his arms too. My chest tightens watching them embrace that I almost forget about the man standing behind Clara.
“Hi,” he whispers, leaning over. We shake hands and quickly introduce ourselves. Stephen, her husband, seems very nice. Standing back to watch their reunion, just like I am.
“She’s been waiting by the door all morning. Barely slept a wink.” He relays to me.
I nod, smiling softly. “Neither did Chase.”
“I just can’t believe it,” she sniffles, finally letting him go. But, she squeezes his arms, taking a nice long look at him. “You’re so tall,” she laughs through her tears.
Chase laughs too, wiping his face off with the back of his hand. “You’re so short.”
This only makes them laugh harder, leaning in close while he throws an arm over her shoulder.
“Come on inside before you both freeze and turn into popsicles,” Stephen rubs his hands together, clearly missing the warmth of being indoors.
I nod, throwing an arm around Chase’s shoulders as he wraps an arm around my waist.
“You know, Chase over here used to have me hunched over laughing until my stomach hurt,” Clara says, gripping my arm and tugging me towards the house. “He’d put on these adorable talent shows and act out full concerts.”
“Oh, he still does that all the time,” I laugh with her, feeling Chase squeeze me.
We all make our way up the porch, and into the house.
Immediately, the house feels warm, smells like yummy home cooking and honestly, reminds me a lot of my own house when I was young and my mom was home.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a couple cats laying on the edge of the living room couches.
Chase gasps, loosening his hold on me to pick up a porcelain duck in the corner. “He’s wearing rubber boots.” He pouts, shaking it in front of me.
I smile, taking in the cuteness.
“Yeah, it’s kind of my thing to collect those,” Clara smiles shyly.
As Clara asks us about our flight and Stephen starts showing us where we’ll be staying for the weekend, I can’t shake how surreal all of this feels.
The house is filled with little collectible trinkets and plants tucked into nearly every corner.
Quilts are draped over the couches, and pet hair somehow clings to every surface.
It’s smaller than the house I grew up in, but somehow it feels warmer. More lived in. More like a home.
The tour ends in their living room and we get right to catching up, swapping stories and honestly, judging from the constant laughter and memories, Chase looks comfortable already.
It didn’t take long, with his charming personality and how much love they clearly still have for him, he settled in rather quickly.
We stayed for dinner like planned, and they made us a delicious meal of spaghetti, garlic cheese bread and Caesar salad.
“Oh, that was too good.” Chase sighs, rubbing his stomach.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him eat like that,” I chuckle, lightly patting him on the stomach.
“I love everything you cook for me.” He squeezes my leg under the table. “It must be something about mom’s cooking.”
We all laugh quietly, but I can tell by the fading smile on Clara’s lips that some sort of memory passes her mind.
Playing with her napkin on the table, she stares down at her fingers. “Chase used to eat like that all the time,” she says softly. “But there was nothing he loved more than–”
“Captain Crunch,” Chase and I both say at the same time, igniting more chuckles from us.
Stephen looks at both of us with such love and support in his eyes. Yet, when my eyes drift over to Clara’s, I can’t help but notice that she has a sadness behind hers.
She goes to say something but closes her mouth like it’s a struggle.
I can tell Chase can feel it too. He swallows deeply before stacking his plate on mine. “Let me put these away,” he says.
“No, let me–” Stephen says, jumping up.
“No, it’s fine. I’ve got it,” I say, taking over. I continue taking the stack of plates and head over to the counter and sink to start rinsing them off.
Clara clears her throat, clearly nervous. “Chase…you’ve got to know how much we love having you come visit us. The fact that we were able to find each other is… it’s wonderful.” Her voice is strained and wobbly. It makes my chest tighten.
Chase nods. “Yeah, I know. It’s okay. You don’t have to—”
Clara puts up her hand. “No, please. I have to.”
His lips turn but he agrees, simply nodding to her to continue.
I finish putting the dishes in the dishwasher and walk back over, sitting down in the seat next to him. Grabbing his hand on the table, I squeeze hard. Stephen grips the back of Clara’s chair as she continues.
“I was really young when I met your father. When you were born… you were the love of our lives. We loved you so deeply.” She wipes at her face.
“But... truthfully, we fought a lot. After my mom and dad kicked me out, I had nowhere to go, so we ended up living with his parents.” She lets out a quiet, breathy laugh.
“They weren’t exactly thrilled about that.
” For a second, her expression softens, like she’s drifted somewhere far away.
But it doesn’t last. The smile fades just as quickly, and something heavier settles.
“And I was still just a kid. I wasn’t responsible.
Neither of us were. Staying out all night.
Leaving you by yourself…” She looks away from Chase as Stephen rubs her back, giving her the strength she needs to keep going.
“We loved you. Oh, God we loved you. But…we weren’t… good for you.” She fidgets with her fingers, avoiding his eyes. “We couldn’t care for you. Not in the way you needed. Not in the way you deserved.” She wipes her hand down her face.
Chase looks between the two of them taking this information in.
“You…you didn’t want me to go?” His breath stutters.
Clara gasps. “The day that they took you was the worst day of my life. You were the last thing I ever wanted to lose.” She reaches across the table, opening her hand up for Chase to accept.
He stares down at it for a minute, just blinking. “Then.. why didn’t you try to find me?”
Her brows furrow. “It doesn’t work like that, unfortunately.
Your father and I split up and I haven’t heard from him for..
God, I don’t know for how long.” She blows out a thick breath.
“You were so young when they took you. I wasn’t allowed to know your whereabouts.
” She shakes her head with a frown. “And when you turned eighteen... I thought if I suddenly just appeared in your life after all those years, it would only hurt you more. I wanted you to come to me when you were ready—if you were ever ready.”
Chase nods slowly. “All this time… I thought maybe I wasn’t enough for you. Maybe you just forgot or—” his voice cracks. I squeeze his fingers tighter, pain surging through my chest at those words.
“Chase, no—” A broken sound escapes Clara as she buries her face in her hands.
“I couldn’t… move on, after you. When I met Stephen many years later, it was really really hard for us to come to terms that we weren’t going to have children.
” Stephen moves his hand to her shoulder, giving her a tight squeeze.
Tears spill down her cheeks as she sucks in a breath.
“There hasn’t been one day that you haven’t crossed my mind, Chase. You are unforgettable.”
Chase slowly pulls away from me and reaches across the table. Instantly, she crumbles.
“Oh, Chase.” She hiccups, grabbing his hand fiercely and bringing it to her lips to plant several kisses. “I’m so happy you’re here.”
I rub his back gently as I watch the man I’m in love with, who taught me how to forgive mistakes, do just that, right in front of me.
“Can I ask one thing?” he says, breaking the silence.
“Absolutely,” Clara huffs out a laugh, rubbing a tear from her eye. “Anything.”
“Can I see you two, again? Like, often?” Chase chuckles lightly, looking between the two of them.
They both laugh like that’s the most obvious answer in the world. “Please!” “Of course,” they say, getting up and rounding the table.
They both swing their arms around both Chase and I, filling my chest with something I didn’t even realize I needed.
“I don’t deserve this,” I chuckle lightly as Clara and Stephen take turns showering us both with hugs and kisses.
Clara cups my cheeks. “Of course you do. You brought our boy to us. You brought him home,” she smiles so softly, leaning in and planting a kiss on my forehead.
My eyes pinch shut at the touch, feeling nothing but belonging.
Damn. I think I love these two too.
We end that night off with some ice cream sandwiches and stay up way too late playing cribbage.
The next day, we spend the whole afternoon at Cavendish where Clara insists on buying us our very own wooden carved duck, wearing a bow-tie. Reminds me of Chase so I definitely didn’t deny it.
As we say goodbye the following morning after a wonderful weekend on the east coast, I can’t help but smile. This trip turned out even better than I expected it to.
But, after all, nothing with Chase is ever expected. That’s what made me fall so head over heels for him, in the first place.
“Bye!” Chase sings out the window, waving his hand excitedly.
I laugh, waving too as I back out of their driveway.
“Ah, that was…” he sighs, leaning his head back on the seat. “Fucking fantastic.”
I smile at him and squeeze his thigh in my hand. “I’m so happy we could do that, baby. And I’m thankful to be here with you while you did it.”
He turns his head to look at my face. “You really love me, huh?”
He really has no idea…yet.
I grip the steering wheel. “Move in with me.”
“W-what—” His head picks up and I can feel his eyes burning into the side of my face.
“You heard me.” I smirk, backing out the driveway.
Truthfully, I’ve been wanting to ask him for a while now. Ever since the first time he woke up in my bed, I’ve been wanting it every single day. I’m addicted to him and I want him every day, all day… forever.
I steal a glance at Chase beside me, flashing that irresistible smile of his.
“Ryan’s going to kill me,” he huffs out a laugh.
“Ryan will figure it out.” I place my hand behind his head on the head rest. “Move in with me,” I repeat again, softer this time.
His gaze softens, head leaning on the seat. “Of course, I will. After all, you’re the boss.” He winks, reaching out and brushing his thumb gently along my jaw.
I bite my lip as excitement rolls through me. “Let’s get on this plane and back home before I pounce on you right here and now.”
“There’s always the mile high club, you know.” He cracks up, squeezing my thigh.
My jaw drops as I look at my hilarious passenger who is definitely not joking.