Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
TRISTAN
Igive Lexi a moment to gather herself where she’s collapsed on the bed, watching her as I slowly straighten and wipe my mouth. Fuck. The taste of her…
This woman is something else. The way she comes only feeds my need to make her fall apart again and again. I run my fingers over her smooth calves and circle her ankles in a tender grip, pressing my thumbs down the arches of her feet in a deep massage.
She shudders with a soft moan, and I gently let go. She’s naked, and I’m still fully clothed, so I strip and stretch out next to her. I stroke a hand up her back to where her hair hides her face and gather it away gently. “Lexi? You good?”
Her eyes shine in the dark, and a shy smile forms on her lips as she leans up on her elbows. “Better than you, for sure.”
I chuckle. I love that she’s light and easy like this, making jokes while being vulnerable.
“Come here,” I say, needing to kiss her, to taste another part of her and to be physically connected again.
I hold her hair from her face as she leans into me, and our lips meld together as if we’ve been made for each other.
My fingers weave into her hair as her hand presses to my neck.
Our kiss turns slow and deeply erotic. Her touch travels, first over my shoulder and then to my chest, exploring.
I quiver under her caress, wanting more of it, everywhere.
She obliges by trailing her fingers over my pecs and abdomen, down my happy trail, and when she finally slides her fingers over the flesh of my rigid cock, I groan into her. “Babes…”
“I want this,” she murmurs against my lips as she fists my length. More pre-cum wets the tip. “So badly.”
As she circles her thumb over the crown of my cock, I’m ready to combust. “Oh yeah? Think you can handle it?” I joke, trying to keep ahead of her.
“There’s only one way of finding out…”
With a chuckle I flip her onto her back and hook the fold of her knee with my thumb.
I push her legs wide open, and she arches her back as I ease my bigger body between her thighs.
She is dainty, and I’ll smother her if I release my full weight onto her.
I press my cock against her sex and give her a taste with a few slow thrusts of my length along her slit.
For a moment she has my butt firmly clasped with both hands, encouraging me. “Fuck, Tristan,” she hisses as she lets go. “The condoms are on your nightstand.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Already we’re playing in the danger zone, as from what I’ve gathered, Lexi isn’t on any contraception, which is a novel situation for me.
I get busy, but my thoughts are running away, and my hands can’t keep up.
What the fuck would I actually do if I got my girl pregnant? My fake fiancée, to be precise?
This notion would have wilted me in five seconds flat with any other woman, yet the thought of getting Lexi pregnant sends a foreign emotion pulsing through parts of my brain I didn’t know existed. And it makes me fucking harder.
Fuck.
Dude. Get a grip. Focus.
My fingers tremble as I roll on the condom, knowing something inside me has shifted, and my feelings and thoughts for Lexi are no longer under my exact control.
When the hell did that happen? And how did I not see it coming?
I should be freaked out—I’ve never had out-of-the-blue brain warp happen to me during sex before… but that’s just it, isn’t it?
This isn’t just sex. Not for me.
“Tristan…” Lexi’s soft voice breaks through my wayward thoughts. “You’re making me wait.” She pokes my thigh with a finger, and I smirk, although it feels forced.
“Giving you a moment there, babes, to mentally prepare.” I lean over her again, and this time she circles her arms around my neck and pulls me in for a kiss as she hooks her feet over my legs and rides them up my thighs.
“Looked like you needed a moment to mentally prepare,” she says, and I bury my face in her neck, kissing her collarbone and lowering to her breast to distract myself with the easy lure of her beautiful body.
She might be kidding with me, but my heart talks back. Nothing could prepare me for this. For us. For the idiocy of entering into this intimate game with her while she peels off my armor as if it’s mere paper.
I reach between us and, for a moment, savor her body’s resistance. Then I thrust into her warm, wet heat with a grunt. Lexi digs her nails into my hair as I let her have it all in a few hard thrusts.
She gasps, but it’s with pure pleasure and I don’t hold back. I let her feel how I feel—let her know she’s mine, even though I can never tell her that, because she laid the ground rules for this game and there will be nothing more when we leave here. We’ll be done.
I fuck her hard, and when I sense her orgasm gathering in her core, it’s enough to slow me down.
I want to draw this out, make it last forever, but that’s impossible.
I’ll settle for the next best thing, though, having us tilt slowly over the edge together.
I shift my head to find her lips, kissing her savagely for a moment, then leaning up and gripping her chin.
“Look at me when you come, Alexandra O’Reilly.
” And let your eyes tell me you don’t care.
Her hands slip from my hair, her touch so gentle, soft and unexpected as she rests her fingertips on my cheeks, her thumbs caressing my lips.
I’m caught off guard, and I come so fucking hard that I drop my head back with a caveman grunt, heaving as her orgasm milks me for every last drop while her heels dig into my butt.
Jesus Christ.
Breathe. Just breathe.
It’s just sex. You’ve done this countless times.
With this thought flitting through my mind—unwelcome, mind you, because all those other times haven’t been with Lexi—I descend from that roaring high and lower my face to hers, eyes closed. I can’t—I can’t.
I can’t let her see how much she—this, us—affects me.
We’re breathing in sync, our chests pressed together, and I need to get off her. I roll to the side and gather her in my arms, staying connected for a few seconds longer. She snuggles her head under my chin, and I hug her close, clinging to her.
This is the woman I was never supposed to have. Evan’s sister. Anita’s daughter. As close as a real family I’ll ever get.
This is the woman I’ve vowed to never hurt.
There are rules because they stop people from fucking things up.
And this is a fuckup. These feelings for Lexi aren’t exactly uncharted, but I’ve learned to bury them in a bunker where nobody knows they exist. They’re the feelings of a teenage boy and have aged like an excellent wine, long forgotten in a cellar.
Now, to have them surface into stark sunlight is a fuckup I’ve never had to deal with.
And even worse? They are no longer the simple emotions of a boy.
They’ve become complex and layered, those of a man.
Lexi deserves better than me. She deserves someone who can commit and give her the world.
Not some messed-up cynic who can’t—who won’t, who doesn’t care to even try to—keep things straight when it comes to a relationship.
When things get real, I leave. For that, I’ve made sure I have the best job in the world.
Out at sea I can face my demons alone, deep cleanse, head back to shore, and hook up. Wash, rinse, repeat.
As I told her, I’m the last guy who should ever put a ring on a woman’s finger. And yet, in that moment when I did so at Heathrow, nothing had ever felt more right.
Lexi shifts, and her lips press against my throat. I swallow hard, still trying to get a grip.
“You’re thinking so hard, Tris. I can hear the cogs turning.” She pulls up to my mouth and presses a gentle kiss to my lips as I slip from her body. “No thinking allowed.”
“No?”
“When it comes to this, to our time here, no. Let’s just have fun, okay?”
Let’s have fun. That sums me up perfectly—or summed me up, to be precise.
I don’t know who the hell I am right now.
But is this who Lexi is? I don’t know parts of her at all.
Five years is a big gap to fill with all those missing pieces of lost time.
Evan and Anita kept me up to date with Lexi’s life in a casual way, and the past weeks have shown me more.
But is she capable of having just fun and walking away?
Am I? With her?
I’m too scared to answer the question, so I deal with the condom and reach for the tissues on the bedside table. “Fun, hmm?”
“Yes.”
I chuckle, desperately needing to get out of my head. I ask the first question that comes to mind, because it’s been bothering me. “So, tell me… Who was your first then?”
She drops back to her pillow and watches me intently. “Oh, you want to know now? Regret not giving it a go?”
Giving it a go? As if trying and the resulting failure was an option. And what a way to phrase a rather momentous if clusterfucky moment in every person’s life. “No regrets.” We’ve had that conversation. I did the right thing.
“Some random guy I did a group project with during my final year at hotel school.” She drags her fingernails across my chest, gentle and yet so sensual that my skin prickles in goosebumps. “Patrick something or another.”
Clearly not memorable. And she’d waited at least another year. Why does that make me so freaking happy?
“Well then, Lexi. Here’s the truth of the matter. I’d rather be the guy you remember for the three orgasms he gave you on night one, than Patrick something or another who took your virginity.”
“I see.” She leans closer, her nails stroking across my chest to my shoulder. “Sounds like you’ve got some big plans here. I’ve already had two…but three? Only?”
I laugh outright as I buckle up to please my babes. Fun sex is one thing I know how to have. “How many did you have in mind, my angel?”
“Four. At least. Maybe five?” she whispers, her thigh already sliding over my hip as she presses up.
“Happy to oblige.” I help her up to straddle me with a happy grin, pressing pause on all my wayward thoughts. “No rest for the wicked, is there?”