Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
TRISTAN
It’s a good thing we’re sitting down. I’m not shocked, but I am kind of horrified. Hopefully this wasn’t because of a one-time encounter. It has to be a slip-up. Like me with Lexi tonight. That scares the living daylights out of me.
I swallow at the memory of just a bit ago when—if I’m being honest—I made love to a woman for the first time. I blink. Did I? Jesus Christ. That thought came out of nowhere… I’m going to digest that when I have time, and this is definitely not the moment.
“How’re you feeling?” Lexi’s voice is filled with concern.
Deshni shrugs again, rolling a shredded paper napkin between her fingers.
Roger wraps his arm around her shoulders and kisses her temple.
He whispers in Swahili to her, and I don’t understand a word, but I don’t need to.
The love Roger has for Deshni is evident in his voice, which is gentle, firm, and reassuring.
It strikes me that I know Roger rather well. That’s what happens in a situation of mutual trust. You open up. Over the weeks we’ve spoken a lot, more and more as we got comfortable with each other. I remind myself that he cares deeply for Deshni, and he’ll do the right thing, if he’s allowed to.
“What are you going to do?” I ask.
Roger looks up. “I need to take time off. Go see her parents and make my case with her dad—with her mom. I want to marry Deshni, but I don’t want her to be estranged from her family either.”
I nod. Good. Fight for what you want. Deshni looks into Roger’s eyes and although tears are still streaming, she kisses him, and he hugs her close.
“Does Sarika know?” Lexi asks.
“No.” Deshni shakes her head. “It’s early. But she probably won’t be surprised. She’s warned me—” She breaks off on a strained sob.
“You’ll work it out,” I tell her, not knowing what else to say.
“Roger’s had such plans since he’s been working with you.” Deshni shakes her head as our eyes meet across the table, then starts to sob again. “I had such plans.”
I exchange glances with Lexi. We both probably think the same thing here. We’ve become instrumental to these plans, but now these two have a new reality they didn’t account for. Hopefully it won’t derail the whole thing. It shouldn’t have to…
“I looked at the spa’s numbers earlier,” Lexi says. “There’s a three hundred percent profit increase since you made the changes. I forwarded it to head office. That’s amazing… A great start.”
Deshni picks another paper napkin from the dispenser on the table. “They won’t want me here.”
“You don’t know that,” Lexi says. “Surely there are provisions for maternity leave and all that?”
“This island is no place for kids,” Roger says.
I find it rather perfect, I want to say, but this isn’t my life. “You just need a few more dive hours to finish your master-diver qualification. Soon you can work anywhere. You won’t need to stay here.”
Roger nods, and Deshni bites her lip.
“And with your experience and ideas, Deshni, you can work anywhere too.” Lexi lets the thought hang, and then reaches over the table for Deshni’s hand.
“Once you’ve put your feelers out, you’ll see there’ll be many options.
There’re countless opportunities all the way up and down the coast here, and then Mauritius, the Seychelles, the Maldives. ”
“We still have time to set things up for you,” I add, working with this positive vibe. There’s a lot more I can teach Roger. Soon we’ll be on the downward slope of our stint here, but we can max the time together.
Roger nods but then his gaze jumps over my shoulder. Deshni stills too. She drops her gaze as she pulls away from him. Feet shuffle behind me, and I turn to find Jem standing in the dark. It’s creepy as fuck. When did she arrive? And how much did she hear?
“Jem,” Lexi says, also turning. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m coming to check on the movement here. I saw the lights were on.”
Fuck me. She pushes something into her pocket, but I can’t see what it is.
“I want to know what you lot are doing here.” Jem’s gaze travels from Roger to Deshni, and then she leans on the table and gives us the same inspection.
“We came for dinner,” Lexi says.
“And then we had some team building,” I add as I stand. This woman is playing some power game, and I’m not buying it. Roger and Deshni are younger and might be intimidated by her authority, but I don’t give a fuck. “Do you want to join us for a midnight snack?”
Jem peels away from the table as I tower over her and stare her down. “No. I had dinner, and I’ve seen what I needed to see.”
Well, bugger off then. We’re not done talking Roger and Deshni off the ledge here. “We’ll see you in the morning.”
“Yes, that you will.”
We watch as Jem walks away and disappears into the night.
We’re all quiet, listening like a bunch of kids almost caught smoking pot.
We can’t wait to take a drag as soon as it’s safe.
Jem didn’t seem to have heard the beginning of our conversation, but I don’t trust her.
She’s the type that would hide and eavesdrop, and Roger and Deshni have the right to share their news when they’re ready.
“Right,” I say as I head for the fridge. “Let’s see what’s for dinner.”
It’s a whole hour later when we finally call it a night and go our separate ways. I take Lexi’s hand as we return to the path, and she links her fingers with mine. It’s weirdly comforting to belong to her like this, and for a stretch we walk in silence.
“My problems seem so insignificant now and somewhat immature—even childish,” Lexi says.
“Your problems?” I rehash the whole Mia Reed mess. Being thrown headfirst into someone else’s troubles does give you perspective on your own. “I wouldn’t call them insignificant and immature, just different,” I tell her.
“Maybe. But I mean, they’re going to bring a human into the world, and they don’t even know if they’ll have her parents’ blessing. It’s so important to them.”
I stop in the path and force her to do the same. My heart is in my throat. Tonight wants to kill me on so many levels. The mere idea of Lexi… I cup her face in my hands. “Babes, if ever there are repercussions from our time here, please, you tell me, okay?”
Lexi blinks, then takes hold of my wrists and slowly pulls my hands away. “There will be no repercussions.” She turns and walks off, and for a second my heart feels like it’s frozen over.
I catch up with her. “That’s not what I asked, Lexi.”
She glances at me. “Yeah, whatever. Obviously.”
Fuck me. Her answer is cold, noncommittal, and so disinterested about something this important that it riles me up. “I’m serious, Lexi.”
“So am I, Tristan. I know my body, okay? When I tell you there’s no chance, there’s no chance. You’re off the hook, even though you’ve never been on it.”
I don’t want to be off the hook. That stops me cold for a moment.
This is a first. Which means maybe I want to be caught—hook, line, and sinker—by her.
But this… We’re not fighting, but the tension is as thick and cold as a block of ice.
Too many things have happened tonight, and for some reason, everything seems to have slipped out of my control. “Lexi—”
“Tristan, I’m freaking exhausted. I need to go to bed.”
“Okay.” I back off. When it comes to us, my timing is never right.
We’ve reached our cottage, and Lexi walks in, not bothering to wash her feet, which is unlike her.
She doesn’t mind a bit of a mess, as long as it’s a clean mess.
I give her space to get ready for bed, and I could hide in my office closet, but instead I sit in one of the occasional chairs in the small living room so I can watch her surreptitiously.
As she slips beneath the sheets, she sighs.
“I don’t know why you’re so freaked out about Roger and Deshni.
They love each other to bits. They’ve got, by simple math calculation, more than seven months to win her parents over.
He’s a great guy. He’s solid. Roger will look after her and their baby come hell or high water for the rest of his life. ”
“True.” But ouch. That’s just it, right? When we leave here, Lexi and I are supposed to be going our separate ways, as if Ne’emba never happened. I can’t do that, nor do I want that anymore. “They love each other to bits.” That phrase echoes in my mind.
Lexi switches off her bedside light, and I sit in the dark, my past playing out in my head like a reel.
A past that predicts a future I don’t want.
Everything Lexi said is true, but this has nothing to do with Roger and Deshni—this has everything to do with us.
Everything to do with those three simple words I’m too petrified to say, too stuck in my rut of always keeping an easy way out.
Lexi has played along with my usual game plan from the start, but it could be a facade, because she’s scared of me walking away again and hurting her.
She’s protecting herself. But what if she wants more?
I want more, yet I don’t know how to get there.
Nothing has ever forced me to dissect my feelings like this—and then I’ll have to act on them.
Bottom line? Only I can change my ways.