Chapter 48 #2
Elizabeth and I both take a seat and then rest our hands in our laps like the dutiful children we are, and as I watch my father snuff out his cigar in an old, bronze ashtray, all I can think about is how much I don’t want this.
I don’t want this cold life.
I don’t want to be paraded around like a puppet.
And I sure as hell don’t want to live a life where everything is so manipulated to fit a narrative that is approved by my parents.
I want freedom.
I want to get my hands dirty.
I want to be able to wake up every morning looking my girl in the eyes and thanking the fucking universe for giving me the opportunity to meet her.
But how do I get there?
How do I move past this obligation that’s been hanging over my head?
Clearing his throat, Father presses his hand to his chest and coughs for a moment before leaning back on his pillow.
“You came,” he says, playing the role of suffering patient.
Grant me fucking patience, because Jesus Christ.
“Well our father had a heart attack, didn’t he?” Elizabeth says. “Despite him smoking a cigar a few days after.”
Father glares at her, clearly not happy with the snark, but that’s why I love her, because she will call him out no matter what.
“Because of my recent health scare, I’ve come to the realization that I can’t carry on the family name forever.
” So we’re just going to ignore the cigar thing.
Okay, feels right. That’s what we do in this family—we ignore.
“Your mother and I were talking, and we’ve decided that both of you need to settle down and have children.
We have picked you both suitable partners that will deliver us strong-blooded grandchildren and continue the family name.
” My father’s eyes fall to mine. “Theodore, I’ve spoken to Neil, and Walinda is on her way over here to offer her hand in marriage.
And Elizabeth, I took it upon myself to contact your high school boyfriend, Gerry. He has agreed to marry you as well.”
What kind of archaic bullshit is this?
“Uh, Father, little problem with that,” Elizabeth says, with her finger raised. “Gerry is nice and all, but unfortunately he has a penis, and I’m not interested in a penis right now. If I need to remind you, I can tell you what I am interested in.”
Father winces. “For the love of God, Elizabeth, this is just a phase.”
“For one, that’s extremely offensive. And secondly, it’s not. Gay for life. Hannah and I are extremely happy, and I don’t plan on changing that. But don’t worry, we’ve spoken about having kids and we have options. And if it matters that much to you, they can have our family’s last name.”
“It’s not just about kids. It’s about the perception of the family. We can’t have you walking around with a woman attached to your hip. You’ve had your fun. Sometimes we have to do things for our family and not for ourselves.”
I’m about to butt in and defend Elizabeth, but she sits taller and, in a poised voice, says, “And sometimes, as a family, we need to set aside who we want to be perceived as and rather offer acceptance, love, and understanding. I like to think you’re a good man, Father, but if you can’t accept Hannah, then I have no problem starting a life with her where you’re not involved and never meet your grandchildren. That decision will be up to you.”
Fuck, look at her, my little sister, sticking up for herself, sticking up for what she wants, without blinking, without hesitation.
I want to be like her. I want to—
“Hope we’re not interrupting.” Neil and Walinda walk through the bedroom door, holding a box of cigars and a bouquet of flowers.
He had a heart attack. What are people not understanding about that? He shouldn’t be smoking.
“Not at all.” Father waves them in. “I was just telling Theodore the good news about Walinda’s willingness to marry.”
I glance over at Walinda, and she’s practically frothing while staring at me.
Wait, is she staring at me or my armpits? Can’t be sure, but my arms will sure as hell be clamped down while she’s around.
My father glares at me while he says, “Given the circumstances of our family and who your sister has chosen to be with, I think this arrangement will be best. Both parties agree and we can move on to wedding planning.”
I’m going to say it right now. Both parties DO NOT agree.
But that one little phrase—“who your sister has chosen to be with”—feels like a threat. A tool in his corrupt toolbox that he’s been waiting to use on me, because he knows how close I am with her. He knows I would do anything for her. Is he…is he going to pit me against Elizabeth for my happiness?
Mum claps her hands behind me and says, “I’ll work with Balinda and Walinda on the arrangements.” Oh right, the mum and daughter have rhyming names. How could I forget that? “I think we can have something up and running in two weeks’ time, but we must work fast.”
“Two weeks?” I stand from my chair. “Hang on a second. I didn’t have any say—”
“Theo, I think it’s best that you let your mother handle this,” Father says while clutching his chest. “I…I think I need some rest. If you’ll excuse my uncouth behavior, Neil, I must get some sleep.”
“Of course,” Neil says. “Walinda, why don’t you go with Lady Williams and start planning?”
Walinda twiddles her fingers at me and then takes off with my mother, Neil following close behind.
When they’re gone, I turn to my father, who is pretending to sleep.
“Father, I am not marrying her.”
“Please, Theodore, my rest.”
“You were smoking a cigar a minute ago. You don’t need rest; you’re just trying to dismiss me so you can get your way.”
His head snaps up. “I’m trying to save this family lineage, and because your sister has decided to be with a woman, that leaves you. You are the one who has to carry the responsibility of our name. And as you said, you are more than willing to get married, so prove to me that you mean it.”
“That’s not fair, Father,” Elizabeth says. “There’s more to life than carrying on a family name.”
“Of course you would think that,” Father spews. “Given your life decisions, it’s clear you have no affection for this family. If it weren’t for the perception that disowning you might bring, I would very well do such a thing.”
“Hey,” I snap and put my arm around Elizabeth so she knows what he is saying is completely unacceptable.
No one should treat anyone like this, let alone their very own child.
“Elizabeth can live her life however she so chooses, and the life she has chosen is a beautiful one. Her relationship with Hannah is real and loving. It’s unlike anything you and Mother have ever shared. ”
Father doesn’t seem to be bothered by my outburst in the slightest as he nestles into his pillow.
“Yes, that’s because your mother was chosen for me, just like Walinda is chosen for you.
Your sister doesn’t seem to understand the duty that comes along with being in a family of our stature.
So therefore, as I said before, the burden falls on you, unless you want me to upend your sister’s entire life and make it hell.
Now, not another word of this.” Father snaps his fingers, and his butler walks up to us, directing us out of the room, my heart pounding from his last comment.
When we’re in the hallway, I turn to Elizabeth, my heart ripping in my chest for her. “Please don’t let anything he said get to your—”
“You can’t follow through on this,” she says, her expression dead serious.
“What?”
“This deplorable idea of choosing a mate for you. You can’t let him get away with it. I don’t care what he says about lineage and all of that bullshit. This is your life and you’re not about to throw it away because he has some idea in his head that he can control you.”
I know she’s right.
But for some reason, there’s this voice in the back of my head holding me back from verbally agreeing with her, maybe because I know what he’s capable of.
Maybe it’s my father’s voice, constantly berating me about duty and who I’m supposed to be. Who I’m expected to be.
Maybe because I fear what he might do to Elizabeth given the opportunity.
Maybe because I know he’s a master manipulator and I could see him manipulating Hannah to the point of breaking things off with Elizabeth.
Either way, Elizabeth is happy, and she deserves that happiness. I would do anything for her.
“Theo,” she says, a warning in her voice. “Tell me you’re not going to go through with this. Say it to me, right now.”
“Elizabeth.” I sigh, only for her to start shaking her head.
“No. Absolutely not. Do not start this crap with me, Theo. Just moments ago, you were telling me how you’re in love. How could you possibly just give that up? For what? To help out a man who has been an abusive arse to you for your entire life? I will not stand by and allow you to accommodate him.”
“And I won’t stand by and watch him try to rip your life apart.”
“He won’t.”
I nod. “He will. Don’t be naive in thinking that he doesn’t have the power or the will to do so. And you know what…” I sigh, letting the truth settle over me. “He’s right—it comes down to the title. Who is going to take it if it’s not me?”
“Why do you even care?”
“I care about you and your happiness,” I say as I drag my hand down my face.
“And maybe there is some sick part of me that is actually concerned about the title, not because I want it, but because of what kind of storm it will cause if I don’t take it.
I don’t want it, but who the hell is going to take it over? ”
“Some cousin.” Elizabeth tosses her hands up in the air in frustration. “Just because we choose different lives doesn’t mean that the name will die with us. There are plenty of family members who can take it over. Unfortunately for our father, it won’t rest within his grasp.”
“I…I don’t know,” I say, my stomach churning and my brain working overtime.
“Theo,” she chastises. “You can’t possibly be thinking about throwing your life away, never seeing Renley again, all for what? For him?” She gestures to our father’s room. “I won’t let you do it.”
Looking my sister in the eyes, I say, “Maybe we really don’t have a choice.”
And then with that, I make my way down the stairs and head for the front door.
I need to think.
And I need to get the hell out of here.