Chapter 50 #2
“I don’t have to, because I booked him a flight back to the States while we were driving over here.”
“What?” I ask. “But we hadn’t even made up yet.”
“As if I could stay mad at you for that long.” Rupert shyly smiles.
“But seriously, mate. I’m sorry I went off the deep end for a second.
I thought I was going to be perfect for teaching English in another country, and it was going to be fulfilling, like you helping out Renley with the shop, but…
hell, when I was turned down, it put me in a bad spot.
It made me feel like I had nothing to offer the world.
I know I should have talked to you even though you were busy with Renley, and I didn’t. ”
“I’m sorry I didn’t recognize that you were hurting. That’s on me.”
“What a healthy apology,” Elizabeth says.
“Now, go tell our father off and catch your flight back to the States, because over our dead bodies will you be giving up on love and marrying Walinda instead. Not for me. Not for Father. Not for a family obligation. You will live your life for you, Theo, no one else.”
For a moment, reality sets in, because she’s right.
I’ve lived my entire life doing things for others.
Smiling for the cameras and shaking hands to adhere to a social construct I don’t care about.
It wasn’t until I met Renley that I realized I could do something for myself, that I could find joy outside my day-to-day obligations.
There’s so much more that I can offer than a handshake and smile.
But telling my father off?
Fuck.
It’s terrifying.
To think that I’m going to have to tell him that I don’t want to take the family title, that I actually want nothing to do with the family, and I have to mentally prepare for the repercussions?
“He’s going to disown me,” I say softly. “He might hurt Elizabeth.”
“He won’t,” she says with such conviction that it actually convinces me. I should trust her; I saw the way she stood up to him.
“Not to mention, does it really matter to you, that he would disown you?” Rupert asks. “You don’t like him, you don’t like this life, you’ve been dreading the transfer of title ever since I can remember, so what’s the holdup? It actually seems like it might be the healthy split that you need.”
I pull on my neck as I try to sort out the mess in my head. “I don’t know, maybe the fear of not having a family after this. He won’t speak to me again. Mother won’t speak to me again. The comfort of my cottage will be taken from me.”
“Yes, but you’re giving all that up for so much more,” Rupert says, his voice growing soft. “I saw the way you looked at Renley, the way she looked at you. There’s a future there, a future that made you happy, that gave you purpose and hope.”
I slowly nod. “I told her I love her.” I look up at my friend. “She didn’t say it back, and I don’t blame her for not saying it back. It was all a bit of a whirlwind, but that’s been sitting on my chest. What if I give all of this up for her and…and in the end, she doesn’t want me?”
“Doesn’t want you?” Rupert asks incredulously.
“How could you even say that? She was a mess when you left. She was clinging to you, practically begging you not to leave. I saw the ache in her eyes. Without a doubt, she loves you, that’s not even a question in my mind.
It’s why you have to go back. It’s why you need to start a new chapter in your life, with her. ”
“But what if she doesn’t love me and I give this up for nothing?”
“You keep saying that, ‘give this up,’” Elizabeth says.
“What exactly are you afraid to give up? This preconditioned life that was constructed for you, that you had no say in? The boring parties you have to attend because of the last name you carry? There’s nothing about this life that you actually love.
And when it comes to family, we are your family.
We are what count.” She gestures to herself and Rupert.
“And as your family, we will not let you settle for something that you don’t want. Something that kills your soul.”
“I watched you while we were in Cape Meril. Observed the way your face would light up after you accomplished something like…installing a toilet.”
“You installed a toilet?” Elizabeth asks with a scrunch to her nose.
I chuckle. “I did. And I loved it.”
“You found yourself there, so even if she decides that she doesn’t love you, don’t go back to a life you didn’t love just because it’s easy. Keep exploring, keep figuring out who you are. That’s what I intend to do, and I dare you to do the same.”
Dare.
He knows I won’t turn down a dare. Ever.
“I dare you to give up the title,” Rupert continues. “Tell your dad off and catch your flight back to the States.”
I smooth my hand over my cheek. “You’re really going to go there?”
“Yup.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “Unless you want to break the pact that we made many years ago.”
I shake my head. “Never.”
“Then go do it while your sister and I pack you up.”
“Are you coming back with me?”
Rupert smiles. “Of course I’m coming with you. Think I’m going to let you go on this adventure alone?”
Smiling brightly, I pull my friend into my chest and give him a big hug. “Thank you.”
He pats me on the back and says, “I’m always here for you, mate. Always.”
“Same.” When I release him, I pull Elizabeth into a hug, and she rolls her eyes and then pushes me away.
“Stop stalling. Go tell Dad to fuck off.”
Smiling broadly, I say, “Gladly.”
Taking a deep breath, I knock on my father’s imposing bedroom door and wait.
And wait.
And wait…
When I don’t hear him, I knock again.
Then one more time.
When there is no response, I open the door only to find one of our housemaids quickly move away from the bed while adjusting her top.
My expressions morphs into anger as she quickly flees and my father adjusts the blankets around him.
That.
That right there is what gives me the extra bit of strength to face him, because that is not going to be me. I’m not going to live this mundane, numb life where I’m going to have to cheat on my wife to find some sort of spark.
Absolutely not.
“I didn’t say you could come in,” my father says.
“Didn’t think I would be interrupting an affair,” I reply, my father’s eyes narrowing.
“Watch your mouth.” He tilts his chin up. “When you’re married to Walinda, you’re going to have to find ways to sneak around as well, so don’t lay your judgment on me.”
“No, I’ll keep my judgment because I have no intention of marrying Walinda.”
His brow lifts as he plucks a cigar from the box on his nightstand. “Is that so? And how do you think you’re going to claim the lord title without marrying?”
“That’s the thing,” I say, my strength and courage snowballing together, creating a wave of defiance within me.
Rupert is right—I don’t want this life. I don’t want anything to do with it.
I want to be in Cape Meril with Renley. I want late nights in the pond, early-morning walks, renovating projects, and endless smiles.
I want to see Kitty in the front yard, galloping away, trying to impress in her blue kayak.
I want judgy, villain-like townspeople that I can tell off, and ooey-gooey chocolate chip cookies.
That’s where my heart is—it’s where my heart belongs.
“I don’t want the title. I don’t want this life, and I refuse to settle for something that you’ve laid out for me. ”
He pauses his lighter on the way to his cigar and then pops it out of his mouth. “Care to repeat that?”
“I don’t want anything to do with this life you’ve orchestrated for me.
I don’t want to live a false, unsatisfying life where people are nice to me just because of my last name, where I have to sneak around behind my wife’s back to make myself feel like a man, and I sure as hell don’t want to be like you.
You can take your title and offer it to someone else, because it won’t be me. ”
“Theodore,” he says with a growl. “That is not an option for you.”
“But it very much is an option for me. I know the rules when it comes to the title. You hand it to the next available kin. That would be Elizabeth, but since you’re so against that, it’s going to go to one of your brother’s kids.
Just because I’m the firstborn doesn’t mean it’s a requirement that I shackle myself to a life you’ve created. ”
“You will lose everything,” he says, the threats now surfacing.
The threats that I knew were coming. “You will no longer have a place to live, a family to come home to, a spot in this society. You will be banished, the title, the money, all gone. You will have nothing but your pathetic dreams of what you think life should be.”
I wet my lips and say, “Sounds so much more fulfilling than what you have—an empty marriage, cold walls to live within, and an endless bank account that can’t buy you one ounce of class.” I stick my hands in my pockets and say, “I’m good. Take care. Hope to talk to you never.”
And with that, I leave my father’s bedroom while the heavy weight that’s been resting on my chest for years finally snaps and falls in my wake, allowing me to finally be free.