Chapter 28
28
A QUEEN MASQUERADING AS A PAWN
I ’m staring at my phone. I know it goes against my better judgment to allow Riley to come back here, things are already getting complicated with whatever the hell happened last night.
So much for the Mariana Trench.
The lines I specifically drew in the sand are being washed away bit by bit the more time I spend with Riley. Now with my father being sick, things are even more complicated. It won’t be long before the announcement of him stepping down and me stepping up will hit the press. Emily’s already had a lengthy phone call with my mom to discuss how her team will handle the breaking news since I woke up this morning.
Now add the fake boyfriend on top of that and you’re asking for a worldwide scandal if word ever got out about our arrangement. It was easier to agree to it when the lie was contained to the few people in my life. In a matter of weeks, if not less, every detail of my life will be on display for the world to dissect and that includes who I’m with.
Riley never signed up for that.
I sigh at the thought of nee ding to give him an out. The idea of not having him by my side during all of this tears at my heart more than I’d like to admit. But I will need to, it would be unfair to drag him into whatever media shit storm will come my way with the transition into my new role.
A role I have yet to discuss with my father about. Maybe he has someone else in mind since I left the company three years ago. There's always a chance he chose a different successor since I’ve been gone. The chances are slim though. I was raised with the knowledge that I would be Thatcher Inc.’s next C.E.O. I just thought I had more time to establish who I was before that day came.
Riley’s words echo in my head. “Have you ever considered that maybe you were never meant to be a member of the boys club, Princess? Maybe you were always meant to own it.” I choke back the tears that are threatening to spill remembering when he said those words.
He makes me feel like I’m a queen masquerading as a pawn and that it’s time to stop pretending I’m anything but a conqueror. Like I can take on the world when he talks to me and maybe that’s why I feel this hollow pit in my stomach at the thought of letting him go.
I want to do this with him by my side.
The job I can do with my eyes closed. There isn’t anything about this company that I don’t know like the back of my hand. I was born and raised to be this person. Succeeding in this role is something I can do, that I have no doubt.
It’s the other part of it that makes me think twice. The part where people will see me as less than. Undeserving. Even if I play the part well, there will always be lingering doubt in their eyes on whether I belong there.
The sound of the double doors opening and Riley walking in interrupts my downward spiral of thoughts. The si ght of him in gray fitted joggers, a plain white t-shirt, and a backwards baseball cap makes my stomach start with their usual acrobatic tricks when he’s around.
Calm down ovaries.
“Hi, Princess.”
“Please stop calling me that,” I say, rolling my eyes.
“But it’s so much fun watching your face scrunch in annoyance.”
He leans down and places another gentle kiss on my forehead. Not really sure how it went from being something my fake boyfriend did in front of others to something that he did so naturally even when it’s just the two of us but I can’t help but lean into it. The hint of the cedarwood smell of him has a calming effect on me when he’s near.
“How is he doing?” Riley asks me, apparently unfazed by my proximity as I am to him.
“He’s still not awake. The doctors said he should be awake soon though.”
“How are you doing?”
“I’m ok.” I lie, I’m whatever the opposite of ok is.
“Amelia.” He says my name in a way that makes me feel like I’m in trouble.
“Riley.” I answer back as defiantly as I can manage. He stares at me waiting for me to break first. “Urg. Fine. No. I’m not ok. I’m not ok with any of it. Happy?” I slouch back into the vinyl chair and drag my hands down my face. I’m exhausted. From the shitty sleep to the world shifting on its axis in a matter of twelve hours. How am I supposed to navigate everything with its murky waters when I don’t even know which way is the right way?
“Knowing you’re not ok makes me the opposite of happy. What can I do?”
For one, he can be the one t o leave so I won’t have to be the one to end this but I can’t formulate that request any more than I can stop time so that I never have to let him go. I need to give him the out I know he deserves before he’s dragged into said muddied water right along with me. Even the thought of it makes me want to cry. “You don’t need to do anything. You’ve done enough.” My tone is sharper than I intended.
“I think that’s supposed to be a compliment but it came out like you’re blaming me for something.” He says curiously.
“I’m not blaming you for anything. I’m just…” I pause. Not exactly sure what needs to be said. “This thing between us. I just...” Jesus. Why is it so hard for me to talk to him? Talking to him had become the easiest thing in the world before. I stand up, needing to put space between us as I start pacing.
“I can’t decipher what you’re not saying, Amelia.”
“I don’t know what I’m saying,” I snap again. He watches me as I pace the length of the waiting area. His patience only irks me more for some reason. The silence in the room is deafening. The only sound is the roaring thoughts in my head that I can’t quite verbalize. “Say something!” I practically shout at him.
“Something.”
I halt in my tracks. Was that a joke? To my yelling at him? I look at him and his damn smirk infuriates me.
And somehow turns me on at the same time. Damn it.
“I think we need to…” Get. It. Out. “I think it’s time for us to…” His eyebrow quirks up in confusion. “Whatever this is,” I motion my hand pointing at the space between us, “it needs to end.”
Riley stands up and closes t he distance between us with three long strides. “Is that what you want?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.” I stumble through every answer.
“Why do you really want to end whatever this is? ” He says, mocking my hand motions from a moment ago.
I let out a huff of a breath. “You didn’t sign up for what’s to come.”
“And what’s to come?”
“Do you not understand what will happen once the world finds out that Thatcher Inc. is getting a new C.E.O.? Especially one that looks like me?” I wave my hand up and down the length of my body.
“I’m not following.”
I take a step back and start pacing again trying to gather my thoughts. “I’m twenty-six years old. Not quite C.E.O. age by anyone’s standards. Plus there are more men on the board of Thatcher Inc. than I’m proud to admit. Any one of them the world would consider a better fit for this position than daddy’s little girl . Not to mention, the media attention that’s sure to come and with that, the dissection of everything in my life. Everyone in my life.” I eye him. “You would be the center of it all. This isn’t what we agreed to when we came up with this crazy idea. People will ask questions. People will judge.”
Riley grabs me by my shoulders. “Are you afraid of what they’ll say about you? Or what they’ll say about me?”
“They’re going to have a lot to say about me regardless, but at least I can keep you away from all of that.” I rest my forehead on his chest as he pulls me into him.
“I’ve never given a shit about what people have to say about me. I sure as hell won’t start now.”
I sigh against his chest. “I’m giving you an out and some would consider you a dumbass if you’re not going to take it.”
He shrugs. “Good thing I n ever claimed intelligence as my greatest quality.” My laugh is muffled by the cotton of his shirt.
“Your father’s awake, would you like to see him?” A red headed nurse that looks to be right around my age asks me quietly so she doesn’t disturb the sleeping man beside me. I glance at the clock above the double doors, two pm. Riley had fallen asleep sitting up about thirty minutes ago. I try to adjust his head so I can lay him down across the two seated couch but the slightest jostle of my body wakes him up.
“Is everything ok?” He asks me through half opened lids.
“Yes, everything is fine. He’s awake so I’m going to go in to see him. You should lay down and get some more rest.”
He nods but I know that he will stay awake until I come back out. The knowledge of that warms my heart more than I should allow it to.
Putting all my warm and fuzzy feelings aside, I head towards my father’s door.
“Hi daddy.”
“Hi babygirl.” And just like that. I’m five years old again.
I grew up a daddy’s girl and Daniel Thatcher was born to be a girl dad. Seeing him in this hospital bed rips away any warm and fuzzy feelings Riley had left behind. The strong man I’ve always known looks frail in his hospital gown, but I’ll be damned if I let him know it.
“I missed you.” I confes s holding his left hand like a vice grip.
“Oh Amy,” he coos. “Not as much as I missed you.” He lifts the hand I’m holding with his other one and pulls them close to his heart, trying to hide the slight tremor in his movements.
We don’t say much else for what feels like an eternity. He just lies there holding my hands and I sit there content on hearing the pattern of his breathing. A reminder that he’s alive and that I have the time to make things right with him.
“How are you?” My father asks, breaking the silence.
“Better than you, I imagine.” I joke, looking around the drabby room we’re in.
The sound of my father’s laughter fills the room and instantly brightens the space. It no longer feels like a morgue hearing the throaty laugh of his.
“What? I’ve never been better.” I can’t hold back the smile at his attempt at sarcasm even when what happened to him is as serious as it gets. “I’m guessing Emily’s already contacted your mom.”
My smile fades at the mention of Emily. I nod, letting him piece together what needs to happen moving forward.
“You don’t have to do it.” My head jerks up faster than I thought humanly possible. “You can live your life Amy. I was wrong before. I should’ve never made you feel like you had to live the life I chose for you.” The slight tremble in his voice makes my heart constrict but I stay silent as he continues, “you being strong enough to make your own decisions doesn’t make you a disappointment. It makes you brave and it makes you exactly the daughter I raised you to be. I should’ve said that sooner but time just kept slipping by and I didn’t know how to say it to you anymore. I want you to be happy. Whatever that is… that’s what I want you to do.”
I don’t even attempt to st op the tears from falling down my face as his hand reaches up to cup my cheek. Every lonely moment without him for the last three years floods my senses and I can’t hold back. “I wasn’t brave,” I admit through choked sobs, “I was scared. Scared of not rising to the challenge. Scared of not being enough. Scared of not being good enough to be you.”
He drops his hand and with his head tilted back, he lets out a bellowing laugh that surprises me just as much as it confuses me. “I don’t see what’s so funny,” I say as I wipe the fallen tears from my face, attempting to hold back my own laughter.
“Oh Amy. You were never meant to be me. You were always so much more.”
“Well, you didn’t say that three years ago.” My voice is filled with more annoyance than I intended.
“You know what you can count on as you get older?”
“What?”
“Making mistakes.” I blink in surprise. “And trust me. I’ve made so many. The biggest one of all was letting my pride get in the way of your future three years ago. I felt like you were abandoning everything we had worked for. I was wrong for being disappointed. I should’ve helped you see your potential but instead I was angry when you couldn’t see it yourself. I know a lot can happen in three years. You’ve had to figure things out on your own without us. I can’t say I know exactly what you’ve been doing for three years but if you’re happy with where you are and what you are doing, you don’t have to make any changes and you don’t have to take my place.”
I rest my head against my father’s arm and let out a sigh. I spent all morning thinking that taking over his company is my only option. That I’m doing what’s required of me, bu t here he is, giving me a choice.
The freedom he’s offering only solidifies my decision that taking over is the only choice for me. I love my family. I love the company he built from nothing. And I love the future of it with me at the helm. Like it was always supposed to be.
And I don’t want to be scared anymore.
“If I do this, will you help me?” I ask as I lift my head off his arm.
My father’s eyes soften and a gentle smile forms on his face. “Until my last breath, babygirl.”