Chapter 6
Rosalie
The silence was always the worst part. Not the clammy emptiness of an abandoned text thread, or unanswered calls that remained untouched either.
It was the dull, throbbing ache in my head that mirrored the gaping void in my chest. I started down at my phone.
Three days. Three days I had been ghosted by Andrew.
Three days of rereading our last conversation, searching for some hidden clue or subtle shift that would have hinted towards his silence but—nothing.
My date with Silas was a good distraction, but I had been on plenty of dates with plenty of guys and it was always the same.
No one ever stuck around. Not even my own parents.
It sucked. I didn’t just have Daddy issues; I had Mommy issues too.
I spent my whole life trying to earn my parents’ love and affection from beyond the grave, but I knew it was a lost cause.
Gran was supportive, but she always had the same disappointed look in her eye my mother used to have.
Nothing I did would ever be good enough, and that would never change.
It didn’t matter how good my grades were, or how well I placed at dance competitions, I never once earned any sort of praise.
Yet, despite knowing I would never get it—it only made me want it that much more.
“God, what is wrong with me?” I muttered, tossing my phone onto my bed with a frustrated thud. The sheets were still crumpled from the night before, but I couldn’t care less about making my bed. Between ballet, my classes, and working at the cafe, my hands were quite full as is.
Did I say something wrong? Was I too eager? Not eager enough? Did he find someone else? Is it because I didn’t want to fuck on the first date? Is it because I’m in my twenties and still a virgin?
The possibilities were endless, all of which were a dagger to my barely existent self-esteem.
I rose from sitting on the corner of my bed, walking over to the window.
I pushed open the heavy pink cotton curtains to look out at the town below.
A soft, persistent drizzle smudged the lines of the nearby buildings and made the streetlights into soft halos of diffused light.
The mirror seemed to mimic my mood, and I hated it.
I really hated this tiny town sometimes.
I grew up on the other side where it was less crowded, but I stayed here because it was all I knew.
Sometimes I wondered if I was making the right choice by staying here or not.
Honestly, I think I was just too scared to leave what was familiar.
Starting new was… scary. Equally as scary as potentially making the wrong decision that would affect the course of my life.
Besides, as much as I hated it here, I loved my dance studio and the productions we put forth year after year.
However, living in the middle of nowhere seemed to have more cons than pros.
Everyone knew everyone, and it was hard to just live without someone poking their nose where it didn’t belong.
Like Jason, for example. Asshole.
It was embarrassing that he interrupted my date with Silas. He cheated on me; he broke my heart and then had the audacity to think he could just—I let out a groan of annoyance.
My phone buzzed, and I nearly jumped. My heart rate increased with a surge of hope. I quickly rushed over to my phone and picked it up, reading the message. It was only a text from Sadie.
SADIE: Hey! Are you coming to the party tonight? Sarah’s place. It’s gonna be wild! You have to come, escape the dating abyss, yeah?
I rolled my eyes. Sarah’s parties were always over the top.
Her chaotic energy, questionable decisions, and freedom to use her daddy’s money however she liked was certainly the reason.
After all, Sarah was the Mayor’s only daughter.
I didn’t really feel like navigating through the noise and forced conversations, but I did need a distraction, and maybe a little bit of fun would do me justice.
There was more to life than worrying about boys who clearly weren’t worried about me anyways.
Sarah and I weren't close, but she was still fun to be around from time to time.
ME: Sure. Just give me enough time to make myself not look like a drowned racoon and mentally prepare myself for human interaction.
SADIE: Girl, you need it. There will be drinks. Lots and lots of drinks. And hopefully some hot guys to distract you. Who knows, maybe Silas will show up. Think of it as therapy… with alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. Did I mention hot guys?
Shaking my head at her ridiculousness, I toss my phone back onto the bed.
I decided on a little black dress with Converse, white ruffle socks and a matching ebony bow tied into my strawberry blonde curls.
At least I looked cute. I put on silver dangly earrings, a necklace and bracelet to match.
Keeping my makeup minimal, I felt pretty, and that was good enough for me.
I shouldn’t care what others think of me.
Besides, if everyone was already drunk, they wouldn’t even notice… or care.
By the time I was ready, the rain had stopped, and darkness had taken over the sky.
Sarah’s apartment was only a few blocks from my own, so I chose to walk.
It took me about fifteen minutes before I made it to the party.
It was already in full swing. The air thrummed with the pulse of bass-heavy music, mixed with meaningless conversations and the strong scent of alcohol and weed.
People were crammed into the living room, spilling out onto the small balcony.
Sadie spotted me almost immediately, waving me over to the kitchen. “Ro!! You made it!” she squealed over the music.
I gave her a half hug, a wave of relief washed over me. Even in this chaos, Sadie was a grounding presence, a solid anchor in a sea of swirling faces. After all, she was my best friend. “Wouldn’t miss it,” I replied, forcing a smile.
Is it too late to go home, get in my pajamas and make myself a mug full of cut up strawberries drowned in melted chocolate while watching some random TLC documentary?
Sadie handed me a plastic cup filled with something red and suspiciously potent. “This is the Sadie Special,” she said with a wink. “Drink up. You look like you need it.”
I peered down into the cup before tipping my chin back and downing the entire thing in one long gulp. It burned on the way down, but a warm, comforting wave that seemed to melt away the tension in my muscles followed the initial sting.
Oh gosh, I needed that.
“Also, I know Jason is a douchebag but… I’m still sorry for what happened.” Sadie trailed off.
“Huh?” Was she talking about my date with Silas?
“Have you not seen the news? He’s dead.”
What?
Not knowing what to say, I lifted my cup back to my lips.
Downing the last remaining drops only to fill it again.
I didn’t know what she was talking about, and I wasn’t sure if I actually wanted to know.
I brushed that comment aside, choosing to let that thought marinate for later. Besides, this was a party.
I lost count of how many drinks I’d consumed around the third one and by then it didn’t really matter anyways.
It wasn’t like I drove here. I moved through the party, chatting with friends and making small talk, dancing and having a wonderful time.
The thrum of loneliness still resonated within me, watching couples grind and drunkenly make out with one another.
Deep down I wished I was them, but—I needed another drink.
I refilled my cup… and then refilled it again.
The world softened around the edges; the noise faded into a comforting hum. The faces of my fellow partygoers blurred, their voices becoming indistinct. I danced a bit more, my movements less stiff and more loose—free.
How did I get here?
Leaning against a wall, I watched the chaos of the party unfold.
A weird sense of detachment washed over me.
As if I were a spectator of my own life.
The music pulsed around me, feeling it in my very bones.
The alcohol loosened my tongue, and the knot of anxiety in my chest finally subsided.
Taking my phone out, I scrolled through my Instagram feed.
I hadn’t posted in a while. I smiled, letting out a soft giggle, deciding to snap a picture of myself, making kissy lips at the red solo cup I had in my hand.
Rosietheballerina: so, ghosted again. Guess I’m not interesting enough. But hey, who needs a boyfriend when booze will keep you company. Anyone else tired of the dating pool of this town? #singlelife #ghostedagain #boozy
I hit the post button without a second thought.
Looking up from my phone, I scanned the room.
God I was drunk. Every time I turned my head, it was somehow fast and slow at the same time.
I stumbled forward, staggering into Sadie and Sarah, who just giggled and twirled me around. We danced the night away.
One moment I was dancing and the next I was in the hallway.
I had no idea how much I had to drink but I was beginning to wonder if it was perhaps a little too much.
My vision was starting to swim, and when I spoke I could tell my words were slurring.
A telltale sign that perhaps it would be best to call it a night of drinking.
I think I need to sit down.
A boy came up to my side, and I recognized him. Blonde hair, brown eyes, tall. It was Liam from my biology class.
“Hey Rosalie,” he said with a smile, leaning against the wall beside me.
I smiled. “Heyyliam—” I slurred, nearly stumbling. He helped steady me.
He chuckled. “Let's go somewhere a little quieter… I think you should sit down.”
I hesitated, unsure of what that meant. My instincts were dulled by the alcohol.
The warmth of the alcohol, the novelty of his attention, and the ache of loneliness within me overrode my better judgement.
His hand slid across my lower back, guiding me down the dimly lit hallway away from the party and towards the bedrooms.