Chapter 8
eight
CARINA
I wish I could say I was able to handle Orion living next door to me like a reasonable adult, but that would be an absolute lie. It’s been three days, and I have his patterns memorized.
He’s up early kayaking. After he returns, he drives off wearing a polo shirt with the Lost Craft Charters logo on it. I assume he spends the day captaining charters, and my stomach twists at the thought that he’s flirting with other clients. Having personal drinks with them.
I absolutely don’t check the website to see if the Twisted Rigging is booked.
I do that.
It’s gone from their website. It takes a few minutes of investigating to confirm it’s out of their inventory and not booked. My charter was a fluke, then. I really should do something to make up for it. Give him a plant or dish to put his keys in. Some thoughtful housewarming gift.
I liked the fantasy of him being around, but it was supposed to be a fantasy. I’m not prepared for him to be in my life. Because even though in my dreams we have a committed, loving relationship, trying for one in real life is too big of a risk, especially with someone who has a history of wandering. I can’t imagine he’ll be in Wendell Beach for long. He’ll get restless and sail off for Bermuda. It’s pointless to even imagine.
I need to keep my thoughts on what’s important to me. But they always drift, and I hear my father’s voice.
“Your mother’s and my marriage has failed. We’re getting divorced.”
“You and Hamilton wouldn’t have failed if you tried harder. He’s a good partner. You should give him another chance.”
“First businesses usually fail. Mine didn’t. Yours will. If you stick to my advice, you might be able to minimize the damage.”
I push those thoughts away and remind myself his one good piece of advice is that I should focus on my business.
I’m a CEO and I can girlboss my way through this. Even if I hate that attitude and it makes me feel separated from my values and who I am. Orion probably doesn’t think about being powerful and fitting into gender stereotypes with his fleet of boats. Fleets.
None of that should be what I’m thinking about at this moment. Now, I need to focus on Haley and only Haley.
We’re in my backyard setting up to record a recipe video on the grill. Her large audience follows her every post, cooking alongside her with a devotion I can’t fathom. Last year when her cookbook came out, she earned out her advance faster than projected. She does well for herself, seemingly able to be effortlessly stylish and cook everything under the sun.
We both work hard at our jobs, I know that. But a part of me is jealous she makes her efforts appear easy. There’s no way she’s faking it as much as I am.
A different person would say no when she asked me to take time away from my workday to help her film. But it’s part of my duty as a friend and one of her collaboration partners. I’ll make up for the work I missed later in the day. We have to get this done early enough in the morning before it gets too hot to function. So I can make it work.
She lives in a condo a few blocks down the island with her sister which is why she uses my kitchen as staging for her videos, plus I have an outdoor setup. My house is big. I’ve asked her to move in with me multiple times, but she’s never wanted to. She didn’t come from money, and I think she wants to make sure she earns everything she has.
What I have was given to me. So I should be the first to share.
I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if she had lost her phone last week. Orion was looking to get laid; it had nothing to do with me. At least that’s what I tell myself.
“Wait, is that the captain?” she asks, setting up a chopping board.
As if thinking about him three times summoned him, he’s stepped onto his porch, directly in our line of sight.
“Oh. Yes. I forgot to mention he moved in next door.” She won’t judge me if I told her I slept with him. I wouldn’t judge her if she had. I would’ve been jealous, but I wouldn’t judge.
The whole point of a fling is that no one needs to get involved. No friends are told. Feelings aren’t involved. It’s been fine so far. Apart from my one relationship, this works for me.
“That’s fun. I liked him. We should invite him to Paradise tonight,” Haley says, not commenting on the unlikely story that I forgot about him.
“Sure.” I convinced Christian to do a small launch for the rum. More like a happy hour than a party. Minimal work. Easy. It’s the kind of encounter I wanted in my fantasy, the whole reason I initially thought to do something for Christian. It became a reality and now it feels risky. “He knows Alex, so that would work.”
“Weird that Alex never mentioned him,” she says. “Have you talked to him much?”
“A little,” I say. “I’m not sure he’s looking to get attached. He might be around seasonally.” He says he’s staying but I don’t believe it. A quick trip to Antigua could easily turn into him being gone for ages. I need to keep reminding myself why it’s a bad idea to get close to him when my body hums at the thought of him.
“You were once only around seasonally.”
She’s right. It was family trips for years, then breaks from college and graduate school before I was able to make Wendell Beach my home. But I’ve always had strong friendships here. And I love this island more than any other place I’ve been.
My mind feels clouded with him. I can’t focus on the things I normally do. As if he knows, Orion brings out a speaker and starts playing music.
“Crap, this might be a problem,” I say. We only have a few minutes before we need to start filming. Everything is ready and we have a limited window to finish before it’s too hot out to properly function.
“It’s fine,” she says, adjusting the camera settings. “I doubt the microphones are sensitive enough to pick it up. I can always edit it out later.”
“I don’t want to risk it, especially if it’s more work for you.”
I exit through my side gate and enter his backyard. He either doesn’t hear or is choosing to ignore me. But he will challenge me on my simple request to turn down his music. He said he wouldn’t go easy on me, and I feel like this is exactly the thing he’d be difficult about for the sole purpose of being difficult.
“Hey, do you mind turning that down?”
He jumps a little as if I’ve startled him and I smile smugly.
“What was that?” He points to his ear like he didn’t hear me.
He heard me and is screwing with me, he has to be. “Your music. Can you turn it down?”
He blinks. “I’m sure I’m allowed to play music on my property at a reasonable volume during the daytime. Especially when you don’t even give me a please.”
The way he says “my property” makes me question if I’ve misjudged him and he’s going to talk about his right to do whatever he wants because this is America. I shudder. “It’s not a reasonable volume. I can hear it in my yard.”
His head tilts to the side. I can’t read his expression behind his sunglasses and hat. “I fail to see how that’s my problem.”
He’s right. This isn’t his problem. It is my problem so I should fix it on my own. I need him to do something nice for me, out of the goodness of his heart. I don’t think I’ll get that.
I huff. “I know you don’t care about me, but this is for Haley. We’re filming a video for her, and we can’t have your crappy music screwing up the sound.”
He takes off his sunglasses and looks at me with eyes narrowed and arms crossed over his chest. I try hard to not pay attention to his forearms.
It’s a few breaths before he responds. “What makes you think I don’t care about you?”
“Because our entire relationship is transactional, and you don’t have to care about the person you’re transacting with.”
“That’s how you treat people? As if they’re a transaction?”
“No, that’s not what I…” How did this conversation get derailed? “I have no reason to believe you don’t.”
He fucked me right after he met me, and that could be common behavior for him. Just because I have my rules about it doesn’t mean he does. He’s given me no reason to think I mean anything more to him. But he means so much more to me, and a part of me hates him for it. I couldn’t keep this in the box I put him in.
His face is impassive, but his eyes flare for less than a second. “Look, Carina, I was always going to turn down the music. You just have to ask. I was giving you a hard time like I told you I would, because no one ever does. But if you’re going to jump down my throat and assume the worst of me, then I won’t make that mistake again.”
“No, I’m sorry…it’s…” Step one is always apologize. My stomach twists. I try so hard to do the right thing. It kills me when I don’t.
“It’s fine, Carina.” Defeat fills his voice as he shuts off the music and turns his back to me, resuming whatever he was doing before I came out.
He’s right and I’m wrong. But I don’t want to back down. At least not yet. He is right that no one challenges me. At least not in Wendell Beach. I don’t give anyone the chance. If it had been someone else, I would have asked them nicely to turn down the music and probably offered some of Haley’s food as incentive.
But it’s my father and his team of investors who think they know best about my business—they’re the ones giving me a tough time. I can’t push back with my dad. I can push back against Orion. He’ll meet me halfway because he sees us as equals.
Instead of taking his offering, I’ve downgraded myself to an elementary school kid—being mean to the person I like.
Fuck.
He started this, and he can take it. As long as I go in a different direction. “Do you give everyone a hard time, or is this treatment exclusive to me?”
He turns to me, his lips lifted on one side. “I like to think I give people what they need.”
“And you’re so arrogant. You know what I need?” It’s bluster. I know he knows. He’s proven it at every turn.
He smiles, stepping closer to me and lowering his voice so I can barely hear what he says. “We both know I’m extremely capable of giving you exactly what you need. Twice.”
I shrug to play it off, and to let him know I’m not mad. “My vibrator is fully charged so I can take care of myself.” I look up at him, his mouth close enough to me that it wouldn’t take much movement to kiss him. Like I’m not counting down how long before Haley leaves and I can have some time alone.
His eyebrows rise. “Think of what I could do to you with a vibrator.”
I should have known he’d see it as a fun challenge. I let out a breath and cross my arms over my chest, taking a step back. He’s likely able to spot my arousal from a mile away. “Fuck off. It’s not happening.” I laugh, but it sounds forced even to me.
Thankfully he steps back too and throws me a lifeline. “How long will you be filming for? I was about to mow, but I can wait.”
“About an hour?” I say. He’s being thoughtful and not pushing me harder than I can handle, which I didn’t expect. I should have. I shouldn’t assume the worst of him. “I can tell you when we’re done. I’ll bring over some of the food. We won’t eat it all.”
He pulls out his phone. “Give me your number and I’ll text you mine.”
It’s a good idea. We’re neighbors. We should be able to communicate with each other. “A group of us are meeting at Paradise tonight around five. You should come,” I add. Nothing has to mean more than what we’re saying on the surface.
He nods. “I’ll stop by. I have an early morning charter, so I need a good night’s sleep.”
“I thought the Twisted Rigging was out of the inventory?”
He smiles, realizing he’s caught me checking up on him. “She is. This is the Coastal Dragon . She’s a catamaran in the fleet. I’ll be captaining her for charters.”
“Right. I’ll see you later, then.” I turn to head back to my place.
“Wait, one more thing.” He hesitates for a moment. “I go kayaking by myself a lot.” I nod like this is new information to me. “Would you mind if I text you and share my location when I do? Just in case something happens?”
“Of course.” It’s a safety thing. It doesn’t mean anything.
“Thanks. I’ll see you later.”
“Yep, I’ll save you a seat.”
When I get back to my yard, Haley is giving me a strange look. “That was weird.”
“What?”
“You said you didn’t really talk with him, but that looked pretty familiar.”
He and I were standing close. I didn’t even think she’d see it. “It’s nothing.”
That’s the truth. There’s nothing going on with Orion and me. We’re neighbors and maybe we’ll be friends. The fact that we’ve slept together once has no bearing on anything.