Chapter 27
twenty-seven
CARINA
I have a voicemail when I check my phone after my back-to-back classes. I expected it, which was why I did an extra class. I wanted the extra hour without being told I am a failure.
The fact I got to spend it next to Orion was a bonus. I practice with friends all the time—almost everyone I know tries yoga at some point. But it’s different with Orion. I turned off my teaching brain and didn’t worry what he was doing. I practiced next to him and shared the moment with him.
I unlock my exterior office door so he can enter from the side of the house closest to him. I connect my headphones and press play on the voicemail as I wait for him.
“Carina, I got lunch with Hamilton today. I shared your most recent proposal. The one about manufacturing in the U.S. He thought it shows potential but needs work. He’s agreed to give it a punch-up if you call him back. Do that today.” I clench my teeth, but the message is only half over. “Also, we discussed your most recent posts on social media. He agrees with me that you shouldn’t be posting pictures in swimsuits. It diminishes you in the eyes of investors. You want them to take you seriously, don’t you? Call me back.”
I rip the headphones out of my ears and throw them across the room.
That happens to be the second Orion walks into my office.
“What’s—” But he doesn’t finish the sentence.
He crosses the room and gathers me into his arms. I don’t know what it was exactly—the message where my father thinks my ex-boyfriend has better ideas than I do and not so subtly conspiring to get us back together, or that they both thought they could control what I wear or post on the internet.
Then I wondered if they were right.
I attempt to hold back a sob, but I’m with Orion and my good intentions fall away.
He kisses the top of my head. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
I wipe my tears. “It’s nothing. I’m overreacting.”
“I highly doubt that.” My phone is still lit up. He takes it from me.
The voicemail app is open and has provided a full transcription of the message along with the name of the caller, Jeffrey Webb. I watch his eyes move across the screen.
“Those investor calls you have? The ones that piss you off every time?”
“Yes, it’s my dad. The Webb Group is my biggest funder.”
“And the protégé who’s gaslighting you…”
“My ex.”
“Carina, you could have told me.” His free hand cups my face as he examines me, concern flooding his eyes.
I don’t know how to explain this to Orion. How I constantly strive to be better every day so my dad will finally approve of my business and of me. But I’m not there yet. I’m not ready to let Orion see the weakest part of me.
I kiss him. I can save this. He doesn’t need to think about me crying over my father and asshole ex. I can make him think of something else. We’ll kiss our way to my bedroom and take off my clothes. He likes it when I’m naked. Then we don’t have to talk about my inadequacies.
He presses me against the desk, holding me flush against him. He can lift me up from here. He’s strong enough. I reach under his shirt and touch his damp skin. He didn’t even fully dry off from his shower before coming over.
He pulls away. “Carina.” His voice is breathy, the way I like it. “Let’s pick this up later.”
Oh.
Fuck.
“Right. I’m a mess. You don’t want…”
“That’s not it.” He holds me tight—his hand gently presses me into his chest, protectively. “You’re thinking about them and not about us. I’ll fuck you when I have your full attention.”
How does he not know he always has my full attention?
I unravel myself from him. “Whatever. We should eat. I have chicken marinating in the fridge.” He looks at me like I’m deliberately missing the point. But if I take these words at face value, then I have to take everything he says that way.
I feel raw and vulnerable and stripped. I want him to help me forget.
“Carina.” He runs his fingers down my arm. “Don’t take those pictures down.” I can’t read the expression on his face.
“I won’t,” I promise. I don’t believe what my father said. I should post pictures of how it’s possible to move in my products. If my existence is too much for some of my investors, then I’m not sure I want them anyway, as much as I’m afraid I need them.
Orion cares because I look hot and he took some of the pictures on his boat. We went out right before sunset. I brought my paddleboard and attempted to teach him how to stand. He was adamant there was no point in standing when he could sit perfectly fine in his kayak.
The lines I drew made sense before. We were friends who yelled at each other and we had sex once. Nothing was happening again because I didn’t want a messy life around my home. Or maybe because it was doomed since he was always leaving. But it kept happening.
But then he held me when we woke up and I want him so bad. Not only for the sex, but for the moments in between.
I’ve tried to keep him at arm’s length but it’s not working anymore—I want him to be here when I’m sad and tell me to stick up to my father and tell me I’m enough as I am. But I’m not sure I would believe him because no one’s taken care of me before. The people who were supposed to stopped, figuring I could make it on my own.
“I got some things for us at the market. Let me make you a salad,” he says, moving us to the kitchen.
“That would be great.” I’m dying to ask how shopping went but I don’t want to sound clingy. I don’t think Haley’s interested in him, even with her recent breakup, but she always likes a guy who cooks, and Orion does. She wasn’t serious with Eric, so she could’ve moved on already.
He washes some vegetables while I head outside to preheat the grill and start the chicken. A few moments later, he comes out with the salad while I’m finishing setting the table. Orion takes off his shirt so he’s only in his swim shorts and wades into the pool.
He’s so fucking handsome I can’t handle it.
“You coming in?” he asks.
“I have to watch the chicken,” I say.
“Set a timer. It takes twenty minutes. That’s plenty of time.”
I don’t ask for what. My backyard faces the beach on the side, but the fence is high enough no one can directly see in. On the other side is Orion’s place. We can see into each other’s yards from our porches, but he’s not there to spy on me. The house behind me is blocked from viewing anything by the lush plant growth on both sides of our fences.
I take my dress off, revealing my bikini, and step into the water. I see the way his eyes track my body and I wonder what’s changed for him in the last few minutes.
But he’s reaching for me, and suddenly I don’t care about anything else.
His mouth finds mine in a familiar way, but I won’t take it for granted. His arms envelop me and he lifts me, my legs naturally wrapping around his waist. I press hard into the long and thick length of him.
The pool isn’t deep, but he carries us to the deepest part so I’m dependent on him. I loved him holding me like this when our friends were around and we weren’t supposed to cling to each other.
His fingers trace the edge of my bikini bottom, and he’ll find me wet for him. Fuck, I’ve been ready for him since he walked into my yoga studio. We don’t need much foreplay. We don’t have time. As the sun sets, I want him here and now.
His head is in the same place as mine. “I have a condom in my shirt pocket,” he says.
I don’t want to leave the water yet. “Wait, I…um…I have an IUD and I got checked a few months ago and I’m healthy. You said you are too, so I’m fine to skip, if I’m the only person you’re sleeping with.”
He smiles and brushes my hair behind my ear like he always does. “Yes, you’re the only person I’m sleeping with. I better be the only person you’re sleeping with.”
“Of course.” I laugh. I want to play it off like it’s a time thing—why would I sleep with someone else when I have a perfectly hot sailor next door? But I can’t imagine anyone else. “You’ll tell me if it changes?”
He nods and kisses me. It’s not a request for fidelity, it’s a request for honesty. I can always count on him for that.
He removes my bikini bottom and I reach for the tie on his swim trunks and we both grab his cock.
He presses fully into me and fuck he feels so good as he kisses down my neck. I’m so close to him, and it’s not the lack of a condom. It’s him in my space and he’s somehow invaded so many aspects of my life and I want him to stay.
He walks me to the side of the pool so we have something to move against. He sets me on the step at the edge. It’s high enough in the water for leverage but we’re both under the surface. I hear the waves from where we are, but I can’t see the beach. I’m safe in this tiny cocoon we’ve made.
I don’t try to flip him or taunt him or find some other game to play. I’m here, moving with him and loving the way he gently whispers my name into my neck. I may be hidden from the world, but I’m never hidden from him.
I let my orgasm build the way it only ever does with him.
We come together as we so frequently do, and I’m left panting into his chest.
I brace myself for him to say something dismissive. Something that reminds me this is only for fun and it’s convenient for both of us to skip condoms because it’s one less step and this doesn’t mean anything to him.
Instead, he kisses my temple.
“How much time do you think we have left on the timer?” he asks.
“Not much,” I say.
“See, I told you it was long enough.”
“Bragging about how fast you are isn’t the flex you think it is.” I can’t keep from smiling.
He responds by flexing his abs and his still-hard cock moves inside me. I gasp in pleasure. “It doesn’t matter how long I last as long as you come,” he says.
“Quite the gamble then since we came at the same time.”
He looks me deep in the eyes in the fading light. “We’ve done this enough. I know how you feel when you’re close.”
I bite my lip. “I should check on the chicken.”
“Stay here. I’ll grab you a towel and check it while you clean up.” He pulls out of me and tucks himself back into his swim trunks. He hops out of the pool and grabs us both towels from the basket on the porch. He tosses me one, and I rush inside to clean myself up.
When I’m back outside, he’s at the grill, poking the chicken with a meat thermometer.
“Should be ready in about a minute,” he says. I stand next to him to verify, and he takes it as an invitation to kiss me. “You can trust me to not burn dinner.” He speaks into my lips.
I want to be annoyed that he knows exactly what I’m doing, annoyed he knows my body so well. But I want this. I do. I want to have dinner with him and cuddle on the couch and I want to fall asleep with him.
But this won’t last. Relationships never do, even when I try.
He’ll walk away with a vital part of me and I’ll be left with nothing but memories of the way he feels. I want to pick a fight and make this night something less. I’m sure I could say something to push him so far away he’ll leave before we even finish eating.
But I don’t, because I want this one perfect evening. One great memory to hold on to.
I smile my way through dinner, and even though he doesn’t comment on it, Orion knows something is wrong.
“What if I stay over?” he asks as we’re washing dishes.
“I get up earlier than you do,” I argue, putting a plate in the dishwasher.
“Not much earlier most days. And tomorrow I have an early morning charter.”
“It’s better this way,” I say. “We’ll both sleep better alone.” I didn’t like sleeping in the same bed as Hamilton. I couldn’t relax with another person there, hearing his breathing and the tiny movements he made while he slept. I assumed Orion would be the same. But the one night we spent together, I slept like a rock. I took a risk when I asked him to stay that night. I didn’t realize how close I had let him in. But now I can’t risk it again.
He turns off the sink and crosses to where I’m standing against the counter. He cradles my face in his hands and presses gentle kisses to my lips. None of them last long, but each one is soft and perfect.
“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” He gives me one long, final kiss.
I might be the only woman he’s with, but this is temporary. We can’t burn this hot for long.
A week later, I’m exhausted from too many nights staying up late with Orion. Logically, if he stayed over, I could drift off a bit between rounds and it wouldn’t be so bad. But I kick him out or leave before he can bring it up again. I’m afraid my boundary will push him away, but it hasn’t yet.
Today I couldn’t focus at the office the way I needed to. I curse Orion for being a distraction I can’t control. I head home and find a car parked between our homes. It has the generic look of a rental and I wonder if someone got lost trying to find their vacation house.
A man and a woman stand in Orion’s driveway. “Hi,” I call. “Can I help you find something?” It’s the neighborly thing to help, and I’m feeling a little territorial over his house.
“Hi,” the woman responds, stepping toward me. Her shoulder-length curly hair is rapidly frizzing in the humidity. “This is my brother’s place. We’re trying to surprise him but he’s not home or answering his phone.”
I freeze. I only know Orion has a sister because Alex was the best man in her wedding. Which means the man next to her is close friends with Alex. They are complete strangers to me. I might cross paths from time to time with them in the future, but they won’t be fixtures in my life. It’s not like Orion will ever bring me home to meet his family. I don’t have to be anything to them. I can be me. Or at least the me I am with Orion.
This could be fun.
“His name is Orion. Do you know him?” she continues. I must have stared at her in silence for long enough that she kept talking.
“Arrogant face? Likes to talk about his boat?”
She looks to her husband. “Sure, sounds like him.”
“He’s kayaking. He’ll be back soon. Want to wait at my place for him?” I gesture to my house
“Oh, we don’t want to impose.”
“We can head to Paradise.” Her husband holds up his phone, indicating he figured out how close the bar is to us.
“Don’t worry about it. Like I said, he’ll be back soon and this way you can experience for yourself how cheerful he is when he’s back from the water. I’m Carina,” I say, already walking toward my house. I’m thinking too much about the sweat on her brother’s body and can’t look at her.
“I’m Brooklynn,” she says. “This is my husband, Spencer.”
“Nice to meet you both.” I open the door and we’re immediately greeted by the cool air.
I’m used to this feeling. I walk to so many places instead of driving because it’s better for the environment. But sometimes I wonder if the trade-off is worthwhile considering the number of showers I take or how much laundry I do. Someone has to have done the math. No, I tell myself—I’ve made my choices and I can’t spend forever recalculating them. As tempting as it may be.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” I offer. “I have water, tea, and I can make some lemonade if you want.”
“Water would be great. I’m sure Orion will take care of us when he gets back,” Brooklynn says. “I don’t want to keep you from your day.”
“Oh, it’s fine. I’m working from home today. I am offering this in exchange for embarrassing stories about Orion.” I hand her a glass of water with a look I hope conveys I will help if she does.
She looks at me and then at her husband. “How do you know him again?” she asks. “Apart from being neighbors?”
I doubt he’s said anything to her about me. That is our bargain. I asked for silence, and so far he has given me everything I want.
My face remains neutral. Something I’ve practiced from years of keeping my thoughts to myself and teaching yoga. I don’t even know why this hurts. It’s not like I’ve told my family about him. But it’s a reminder I mean nothing to him.
“We’re friends,” I declare. “And he texts me when he’s on the water in case something happens.” I offer my phone as a demonstration. Thankfully, the text before this morning’s was the two of us coordinating meeting at Paradise. It’s not like there is any incriminating evidence anyway. We text only as it relates to our friendship. He would never tell me he needs me and would never put it in writing.
“Right, of course,” Brooklynn says.
Spencer’s attention is still on his phone. “Alex knows her. Says we should ask her to give us a tour around town.”
Alex continues to try to set Orion and me up. I should be annoyed. I specifically didn’t want to have someone else’s opinion interfering with our relationship. But then I think of him when we’re alone, and I don’t care enough about anyone else to be annoyed.
I tell them I’ll have to work eventually, but I’m more than happy to let Brooklynn take her pick from my sample pile.
In exchange, I get embarrassing stories of Orion as a kid.