Chapter 28
After finding my way back to the bar, I tell Keston I’m going to sleep in the villa tonight. He looks disappointed but says okay and holds me close. Normally, I would melt into his embrace.
“Are you almost done here?” I ask to avoid the romantic intimacy.
“Yes,” he says, eyes twinkling. “I got all the intel I need for my project.”
“That’s great.” I don’t ask about the project. He’s already told me it’s a surprise. Not that I need any more surprises on St. Nicholas.
The crowd has mostly dispersed. Only some locals remain at the bar and surrounding tables. I see Tabitha at one of the tables talking to women who are sipping glasses of wine.
Is she waiting on him? Are there secrets about Tabitha he’s keeping from me the way he’s hiding his brother?
I asked him once if he had any family on the island. He said jokingly that everyone was related in some fashion, so they were all his family.
When I’d pushed further and asked about his immediate family, he said his mother and sister left to go start over in England after his father died. He was fourteen and remained on the island with his grandmother Viola.
But now I know that’s a lie. His brother also stayed.
“Everything okay, baby?”
I cringe inside. Why did he lie? I’m dying to ask him. I shift my eyes to the far corner of the bar. I don’t want to lie too.
“I’m tired,” I say. “Long day.”
“Okay, I understand. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yes, sure. I left some boxes on your deck. I started going through the historical papers. Can you put them in the living room for me? I’ll continue tomorrow.” I can hear the stiffness in my tone. As if we are nothing more than acquaintances.
“Sure.” He tilts my face toward him so he can look into my eyes.
I give a small smile. A smile as stiff as my voice. I hate this feeling. I want to be happy. I want to feel that joy in my heart from an hour ago, when I was perched on the bar stool behind Keston as he slung drinks, kissed me, and made me feel like the most special woman in the world.
How can a relationship go from being on top of the world to being turned inside out in the blink of an eye?
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I whisper.
Lying in the gigantic bed, downy covers pulled up to my chin, the a/c on full blast, I stare at the ceiling. Tears slide down my cheeks. Damn him! He’s supposed to be the one. I thought I found my forever man. The one I’d build a family with.
But the truth is, as much as I love Keston, I’ve been feeling as if something is a bit off. Which is why I’ve been needing the villa. For my so-called “mental space.”
And why I haven’t been ready to move in with him. Maybe even why I complain about wanting more stuff than what he already has to offer, like my own room.
If you truly love someone with all your heart, do you hesitate the way I’ve been doing? Or do you plunge in with no thought for tomorrow?
But I do love him, I argue with myself.
I love him so much. I close my eyes and remember how Keston looked after me on No Man’s Land. Our long conversations and near-death experiences. Our history is short but packed with heartfelt events.
Some quite traumatic.
Can a relationship built on trauma survive? I will Google it tomorrow. Tonight, I want to sleep.
But sleep eludes me. My mind is a whirl of doubts. Now that I’ve learned Keston has a secret brother, what do I do about it? Nobody hides a brother.
My subconscious whispers, “But you hid your birth child for almost twenty years. And when you did tell your best friends and your mother, you hoped they’d understand. And lucky for you, they did.”
Shush!
Here’s the thing about your subconscious, it never shushes.