Chapter 40
Icradle both diaries in my hands as if they are newborns. I can’t wait to read and compare them.
Is the second diary a continuation of Charlotte’s? Or something different? Will the stories combine to shed light on where the Pirate Kipson’s treasure is hidden? And what is this second treasure Kelley mentioned on the beach? All these questions merry-go-round their way in my head as I hurry back to the bar.
I leave Mikah and Kelley chatting under the shade of the thatched roof cabana. As far as I can tell, Kelley is not on the spectrum. He’s a sexy hermit with a penchant for labor-intensive projects.
As I was packing up and leaving them, I overheard him telling Mikah about the bread he makes from cassava flour he harvests himself. The man is literally a Renaissance man living off the land. The exact opposite of Mikah’s international supermodel/spy persona.
Kelley’s introverted personality also seems to be the opposite of Keston’s, who loves entertaining people and being part of the community. They’re like yin and yang.
As soon as I arrive back at the bar, Tabitha jumps off her stool and steps to me.
“Where’s Kelley?” Her eyes dart around behind me.
I shrug. “Talking to my friend.”
She looks rattled. “Kelley doesn’t talk to people.”
“He talked to me. He’s talking to Mikah. He’s changed his ways.”
I don’t mean to sound flippant. But there it is. My annoyance at Tabitha for the past three weeks has culminated in me brushing her off and striding past her.
She shouts at my back. “You don’t know anything about Kelley.”
I swing around. “Just like I don’t anything about Keston, huh? Only you know everything. You’re the best friend who picked up the pieces when I had to leave the island. I get it. You’re Keston’s protector. You’re Kelley’s protector. Which one of the brothers do you love, huh?”
“CJ!” Keston appears from behind the bar, his brown face pale, eyes wide. “What’s going on?”
“That’s what I’d like to know?” I whisper fiercely. “Why is she always here? Is there something going on between you guys? What’s going to happen when I leave? Is she going to take my place?”
The moment my words tumble out I regret them.
I can’t believe I’m arguing with him at his job. Really? And laying my insecurities bare in front of Tabitha and Dex and anyone else close enough to hear.
This meltdown is all because I’m afraid of what will happen when I get on a plane and say goodbye to Keston and St. Nicholas Island in less than two weeks.
The idea of leaving fills me with a dread I’ve been avoiding. But staying feels impossible. No job, no space of my own, no way to contribute. Nada.
“What happens when you leave is up to you,” Keston says in a rough voice. “I did not ask you to move here . . . and I won’t ask you to stay. Because I don’t want one day for you to look at me and resent giving up your old life for me. Either you’re all in or you aren’t and only you can decide that. You already know how I feel.”
He turns and walks off, dropping his bar towel on the counter. “I’m going home now. You have your friend, your villa, and . . . my so-called brother.” His last words come out bitter.
I stand in shock until I hear the loud rattling muffler of his motorbike zooming out of the employee parking lot behind the bar.
“Look what you did, Carmela Jones,” Tabitha hisses.
“Me?” I try to keep my voice low. “What I did is fall in love with a man that you still love. But what I don’t understand is why you are so . . . concerned about Kelley. If you love Keston.”
Tabitha’s hostile eyes bore right through me. “That isn’t all you don’t understand. Get your head out of your ass and do something to deserve Keston Kips.”
I stagger backward. Her words hit home in a way I didn’t know was possible. Am I really undeserving of Keston?
The hatred in her eyes speaks volumes. Tabitha wants me off her island. I have officially made my second enemy on St. Nicholas. Or maybe she was my first.
I recall Keston telling me when we were stranded together that life on a small island means getting along. Everyone needs each other and helps each other out.
Tabitha flounces off and I sigh deeply.
Look what I’ve done. I’ve barged into a beautiful environment and upset the status quo.
“And pushed away the man you love,” my inner voice reminds me.
Dex’s soothing sing-song voice says, “It’ll be okay, CJ. Keston loves you. He only said all that because he’s scared you’ll leave him.”
I turn to the quiet young man who is wise beyond his years. “Thank you, Dex. I’ll fix this.”
He nods. “You will. You have an invincible spirit.”
“I don’t know about that,” I whisper. “I’ve messed up a lot.” I wave goodbye to Dex and climb into the golf cart. My heart is heavy as I drive over to the cabana to collect Mikah and head back to the villa.
Funny how I call it my villa, but I refer to Keston’s home as “his.” Have I been looking for excuses not to commit fully?
Which is dumb since I came all the way down here to be with him. But then started chickening out when life got real.
I have no one to blame but myself. I’m a forty-year old woman in love with a thirty-two year old who I’m afraid is too young, has a different culture, and . . . let’s see CJ, what other excuse do you have to disconnect from Keston?
Oh yeah, he has emotional issues he’s not confronting.
Who the hell doesn’t?