Chapter 20
CHAPTER
TWENTY
WREN
As soon as they made it to the team’s hotel, Wren did her best to not visibly limp on the way up to their room.
Her shower back at their practice field had been about as relaxing as getting all of her tattoos combined.
That is to say, the water felt like a million tiny needles pricking the entire outside of her leg.
She wanted desperately to run a hot bath and soak.
“Do you care if I try to take a bath for a bit?” Wren asked as she opened the door to their room. She didn’t really know how they were supposed to do this, exist in this shared space after the past week and some change. “Like, do you need anything in there?”
Rebecca’s gaze softened as she shook her head. “No, but thank you for asking.”
Wren nodded. “Yep.” She shut the door behind her as quietly as possible.
She stared at herself in the mirror as the water ran in the tub. She wished that she had Epsom salt or hell, even a fizzy bath bomb to help ease the tension from her sore muscles. Practice had been brutal for the two of them, and the exhaustion from it had started to settle into her bones.
After she turned the faucet off, she heard a knock at their door. She froze, listening to Rebecca’s footsteps and the door being pulled open.
“Hey, Ali. What’s up?” Rebecca asked.
Wren winced. She knew they didn’t really get along.
She wasn’t stupid. She knew how Ali looked at her.
Honestly, Wren just tried to play it off, hoping that Ali would get the hint eventually, but she listened intently now in case she needed to step out there.
She hadn’t even managed to get her shirt off yet, anyway.
“Oh, hi, Becky. I was wondering if”—there was a pause that was definitely Ali rephrasing whatever it was she was going to ask—“you two wanted to come get dinner with me and Morgan?”
There was another pause. Wren wondered what on Earth could be taking Rebecca so long to respond. Finally, Rebecca said, "You know, I really appreciate the offer, but I’m truly exhausted. I think I’m just going to order some pizza and watch a movie.”
That. That’s what Wren wanted, too. She tried to telepathically send that as a message to Rebecca.
“I um, I don’t want to answer for Wren, but I’ve got a pretty solid hunch that’s what she’s going to say, too. She just went to take a bath. I wouldn’t wait on her if I was you, but I’ll absolutely tell her you offered. If she’s somehow up for joining y’all, I’m sure she will.”
Wren could kiss her. That thought ripped through her. She actually needed to not kiss her again, but, holy shit, it had felt so good. Part of her wished that it felt even a little less good so maybe she could get some semblance of a grip on herself.
“Okay. I’ll send her a text and let her know where we’ll be,” Ali responded.
“Perfect. Y’all have fun,” Rebecca said before shutting the door.
Wren found it amusing just how southern Rebecca could sound when she was layering on her niceties. That was yet another thing she should probably stop noticing or thinking about—Rebecca’s accent. She let her head fall back against the bathroom door and took stock of everything she knew.
One, it was undeniable at this point that she had real feelings for Rebecca Rothschild.
Two, that could massively stunt, if not completely derail, her career.
She wasn’t really sure what to do about that.
For half a crazy second, she wondered if going to talk to Courtney about it would help or if it would get her on the short list to get kicked off the team.
Three, she was about to spend an entire week with someone she could not stop wanting.
No matter what, no one could find out about what had happened between them.
Four, what had Rebecca meant when she said that “Wren had chosen?” Would she have chosen differently?
Did she mean that she would have chosen Wren over playing for the Women’s National Team?
And last, and possibly most importantly, Wren’s heart was terrified.
That was really the root of her issues. As much as she hadn’t wanted to admit it to herself, Rebecca Rothschild terrified her.
Just the thought of having feelings for Rebecca genuinely scared the shit out of her.
She’d fallen so hard and so fast for Rebecca before, and, sure it had been her first love and she had been sixteen, but it had hurt all over again in college.
It had hurt every time they played against each other.
Rebecca had seemed to hate her so much, and Wren hadn’t understood why.
Hell, it had hurt at the start of playing on the same team with her.
And it had really hurt to be hurt by her again.
Even if Rebecca had genuinely apologized.
Even if Wren couldn’t seem to stop the feeling of falling all over again.
Wren needed to get into the bath. The water would get cold if she didn’t. And afterwards, she just needed to get in bed and call it an early night. Tomorrow would be better. They’d be with the team for the entire day, not stuck in a hotel room alone with each other.
Wren opened the bathroom door and stepped back into their room.
Her bath had helped her get her thoughts in order.
She still felt nervous and a little embarrassed about having called Rebecca out for ghosting her again after she had been the one to leave in such a shitty way, and she knew that she needed to address it if they were going to be able to have even a remotely normal week together—whatever normal meant for them.
“Um.” She was off to a stellar start. “I just want to say that I’m sorry for earlier. And for this week. I promise I’m not trying to send you mixed signals.” She winced. She still hadn’t exactly figured out what signals she’d been trying to send, but she certainly hadn’t meant to send mixed ones.
Rebecca smiled at her. Nothing full or bright.
It wasn’t like when she laughed and let her head fall back.
This was just a small, quiet, understanding smile.
“It’s okay, Wren. We’ve got a lot of history.
” She shrugged. “It’s messy and it’s complicated, I know, but I don’t want you to think for even a second that I’m mad at you,” she added.
Wren nodded. Well, that was good. And it was a start. Wren wasn’t entirely sure that she didn’t regret it, but she was glad to know that Rebecca wasn’t actively upset with her. “I’m not mad at you, either.”
“I ordered us pizza,” Rebecca said, steering the subject into safer territory.
She bit her bottom lip before continuing, “Also, you should know that Ali came by and invited us to dinner. Well, she invited you to dinner. I think I got a pity invite because I’m your roommate.
But if you’d rather go to dinner with her and Morgan, I won’t be offended. ”
Wren shook her head. “Pizza. I want pizza and an early night.”
Rebecca’s smile grew. “Okay. I thought so, but I wanted to make sure you knew that you had options.” She nodded towards her laptop. “Oh, and I took the liberty of pulling up But I’m a Cheerleader.”
“A true classic.” Wren was delighted at the choice. She had never had anyone in her life who appreciated cringy sapphic movies, let alone someone who wanted to watch them with her. Wren warily eyed Rebecca’s laptop open on Rebecca’s bed.
“I won’t fall asleep,” Rebecca promised. “And you won’t get pizza sauce on my sheets.”
That made Wren huff out a laugh. This was a peace offering, an opportunity for them to go back to how things were before they had played against each other again. Before—Wren wasn’t going to let herself think about that right before getting under the covers with Rebecca.
“Deal then.” Wren circled around to the left side of the bed, not drawing attention to the fact that they absolutely had sides. “Please tell me you ordered one good pizza?”
“I did,” Rebecca said cheekily as she slid under the covers on the other side. “Oh, and I ordered you one, too.”
Wren could feel herself dozing off towards the end of the film. She should get up and shuffle to her own bed, but she didn’t want to. In all fairness, their whole evening had been completely innocent. The boxes of pizza and Rebecca’s laptop had been between them the entire time.
“I’m falling asleep,” she mumbled.
Rebecca reached up and paused the movie. “Okay. We can finish it another night.”
Wren nodded without bothering to open her eyes. “I should brush my teeth and move to my bed.”
She hummed softly when Rebecca’s fingertips gently tucked her hair back behind her ear. “You could stay,” Rebecca whispered, so soft Wren almost didn’t hear her.
“What?” Wren asked, her green eyes fluttering open.
Rebecca’s eyes watered as she swallowed back her emotions. “I understand the circumstances, Wren. And I respect your choice, I do. But…” she sighed, sitting up and leaning back against the headboard. “Never mind. I can switch. You look really comfortable.”
“Wait,” Wren said, feeling suddenly much more awake. “What were you going to say?”
Rebecca tilted her head back, staring up at the ceiling.
“That being with you, like this, it’s intoxicating.
You make me feel more like myself than anyone in the world ever has.
And I just,”—she paused again, thinking.
“I’m not asking for anything. I don’t want us to do anything sexual.
I just missed you this week, and all I’ve wanted to do all day is hug you. ”
“I missed you, too,” Wren admitted.
“I’m sorry you felt like I ghosted you again,” Rebecca said, her voice watery.
Wren nodded. “I’m sorry I left the way I did.” Wren reached across the bed to squeeze Rebecca’s hand, her arm awkwardly hovering over the pizza boxes. “I’m sorry my circumstances aren’t different. Like, I wish I didn’t need this.”
Rebecca nodded. “I know. I shouldn’t have asked you to stay.” She sighed heavily. “I guess I’m sorry for that, too.”
“Rebecca,”—Wren started, but she cut herself off, shaking her head. “It’s not that I don’t want to.”
“I know, Wren,” Rebecca whispered.
Wren could see her hazel eyes water. Or maybe it was her own, blurring her vision. “I just can’t.”
Rebecca nodded. “I know.”
They got ready for bed in a heavy silence.
Grief settled over them, mourning something that had never even gotten the chance to exist in the first place.
Rebecca was the first to slip back under the covers, but she turned her bedside lamp on so that Wren could get the rest of the lights in the room.
Wren slid into her own bed and let the silence of the room wash over her. She could hear every sound: from the AC, to the elevator chiming down at the end of the hall, to the sound of Rebecca breathing.
For half a crazy second, she considered getting up and giving in. Rebecca was so close—no more than three feet away. But she couldn’t. Because if she did, there’s no way she could stop herself from free falling.
“Goodnight, Wren,” Rebecca whispered.
Wren pulled her covers up higher, letting them serve as a reminder for her to stay in place. “Goodnight, Rebecca.”