Chapter 22
CHAPTER
TWENTY-TWO
WREN
Wren was the first player out of the locker room for practice.
They usually had about ten to fifteen minutes of solo warm-up time before they started their actual warm-up drills.
Normally, Wren took that time to stretch and walk.
She was a fan of a slower paced warm-up so that she didn’t pull anything.
With this being her first time on this field, she would usually try to walk as much of it barefoot as possible, look for any possible imperfections, any divots, or soft spots.
Some fields didn’t have the best drainage.
She’d noticed her ritual wasn’t as necessary at the professional level, though.
This field looked like it was going to be one of the nicest she’d ever stepped foot on.
So, she forewent her usual slow-paced walk and started jogging laps around the field.
Fuck that reporter. Fuck feeling so shaken.
Fuck anyone and everyone for trying to be in her business.
She didn’t know what she was doing with Rebecca, but constantly having their every move watched and then shoved in her face was starting to feel suffocating.
Everything they were doing was already pushing it.
She didn’t need the entire world holding their breath, waiting for them to be caught.
She looked up to find that she was actually running pretty quickly at this point.
Her head had been down. She’d just been moving without thinking.
Thankfully, by the time she surfaced, the team hadn’t started warming up as a group yet.
They were starting to stretch and round up around some of their trainers, but she hadn’t missed anything. One more lap would be fine.
Even though she had done her best to work out all of her frustration at practice, Wren wasn’t fully exhausted of her rage by the time they made it back to their hotel room. “I’m going to see what the hotel gym has to offer,” she said after they dropped their backpacks off at their room.
“Are you sure?” Rebecca asked. “Today was kind of intense? Not like run for four hours straight, but like non-stop.”
“Yeah, I’m sure,” Wren was sure. She’d never be able to sleep with this many thoughts bouncing around in her head.
“We have a game tomorrow,” Rebecca said.
“Yeah, Becky, I know.” Wren’s tone was cutting for no reason.
Rebecca clearly wasn’t having any of it. “Wren, what’s going on? You were going full tilt all practice while every one else was giving like eighty-five percent, and I’m pretty sure I saw you run a mile before practice even started.”
“It was that reporter,” Wren said, her voice louder than she wanted it to be, but Rebecca didn’t flinch.
“I just… I don’t know. I’ve felt so fucking violated since Andy posted that photo of me, and now I’m just everywhere.
I thought fame would come with playing at this level to some extent, but have you ever seen Sinclair in a celebrity gossip magazine? ”
Wren didn’t wait to give Rebecca time to answer, all but yelling, “No! You haven’t.
And if Andy hadn’t posted that stupid picture, I probably never would have been either.
Neither would you. You wouldn’t have been outed.
We could have, I don’t know, maybe figured this out with some time and a little space.
Just once I would love to feel even an ounce of control over the complete shit show that is us. ”
Wren sighed. “And now I’m yelling at you, and you’re just trying to help.”
Rebecca shook her head. “You’re loud, but you’re not yelling at me, Wren.” She tentatively stepped closer. “Would a hug help or make you feel caged in?”
“From you?” Wren shrugged a few times, feeling herself deflate. “I think from you it would help.”
Rebecca closed the gap, wrapping her arms around Wren. Wren sank into it.
“Sorry, I smell. I fully intended to work out again, so I didn’t bother showering after practice,” she mumbled.
“I don’t care,” Rebecca said. She pulled back and lifted her eyebrows a few times playfully. “I like it when you’re sweaty.”
Wren huffed out a laugh. “You’re weird.”
Rebecca just nodded and leaned back, letting their hug turn into more of a loose hold. “It’s true. I’m sorry the media has made this more complicated. It would have been complicated enough without them.”
“I just really thought if I was ever on the cover of something, it would be Sports Illustrated. Not the headline every other week on some grocery store gossip trash mag.” Wren pulled Rebecca back fully into the hug, letting her head rest on Rebecca’s shoulder.
Wren didn’t know what to say about whatever it was they were doing.
How would she even start that? Hey, I think I really like you, but the last time we did this, you broke my heart and now I would also lose my job.
So. You know. Let’s take it slow? Also, though, can we have sex again because that part felt amazing?
“We’re doing a team pre-game dinner in about two hours,” Rebecca said softly. “Do you want to go run some more? I can come down there with you. I’m just concerned you’re going to overdo it and hurt yourself the night before a game.”
A small smile tugged up at the corners of Wren’s lips. “Careful, Rebecca. I’ll start to worry that you like me or something.”
“Wren,” Rebecca whispered. “I do like you.” She really quickly added, “I know this is complicated. I’m not asking you for anything right now. I know you need your spot on the team. I just”—She sighed. “I wanted you to know, and I wanted to say it. I do like you.”
It felt good. Hearing that from Rebecca felt good.
Wren would be a liar if she denied it. She’d also do them a disservice by not saying it back.
“I like you, too.” There were a lot of contingencies she could tack on to that, but she didn’t.
She just let them have the moment. Like Rebecca said, she wasn’t asking Wren for anything right now.
They could just exist for a bit in this messy and exhausting space of liking each other and not being able to do a damn thing about it.
Wren finally pulled back from their hug. “I’ll just go shower and get cleaned up.”
Rebecca smiled, looking more than a little pleased with both their conversation and Wren’s decision. “Okay. I’ll just get changed and ready out here.”
Their energy was different that night after they’d gotten dinner with their team.
They came back to the quiet of their room with the weight of their acknowledged feelings settling between them.
Wren was a little relieved to finally have admitted her feelings for Rebecca and it was a massive relief to have had Rebecca admit her feelings first, but there was still so much looming over them that Wren didn’t know how to address.
She didn’t know if she even wanted to right now.
She couldn’t even imagine a solution within their reach, so on some level she didn’t even know if there was a point.
“Do you want to have the bathroom first?” Rebecca asked, pulling Wren from her thoughts.
Wren’s gaze snapped up. “Um, sure. Thanks,” she muttered, grabbing her pajamas and shutting herself in the bathroom for a few minutes.
When she reemerged, Rebecca was sitting on the edge of the bed, already in her pajamas, holding Wren’s tube of ointment for her leg. Wren held her hand out for it, but Rebecca shook her head.
“Can I do it?” Rebecca asked. She looked nervous and fully prepared for Wren to tell her no.
“You don’t have to,” Wren said instead, sitting down next to her. She still had her sweatpants on, but Rebecca had already flipped the cap open.
“I know, Wrenly, but I want to. I want to help. I’ve broken a lot between us over the past six years.
” She let out a self deprecating laugh. “But I’m not going to wallow in that.
I’m going to make positive steps towards fixing it.
” She nodded confidently, like her revelation would start to solve everything.
“We had already agreed to not hurt each other again,” Wren said. She sounded nervous, even to her own ears. She watched Rebecca’s shoulders round inward for a second before she straightened.
“I know,” her voice was coated in remorse. “Wren, I know.” It even cracked after that. “I desperately want to fix it. Please let me help?”
So much of Wren wanted to say no. She wanted to tell Rebecca that she wasn’t ready.
Maybe one day, she’d be able to put everything behind them, but it wasn’t right now.
But she wanted to be ready. The truth was, Wren was tired of fighting her feelings.
She was tired of keeping Rebecca at an arm’s distance.
With a heavy sigh, Wren stood up and tugged her sweatpants off, leaving her in just her loose fitting boxers. She scooted up in the bed and leaned back against the pillows, reminding herself as she moved to breathe.
“I have a scar from you, too, you know,” Rebecca said, her voice a pitiful attempt at a tease.
“Oh? Just one?” Wren sniped back.
Rebecca actually laughed at that, but she set about her task at the same time, coating the ointment on Wren’s leg. “Do you want to see it?”
“Is this like a you’ll show me yours if I show you mine situation?” Wren asked, a little thankful for the distraction. The higher Rebecca’s fingers got on her leg, the more challenging it was to not reach up to tug Rebecca into a blistering kiss.
“It can be,” Rebecca answered. She moved so that she was sitting cross-legged, only she slipped her left leg out, angling it towards Wren. She pointed at a pretty decent scar that ran perpendicular to her shin bone. “That was from you, freshman year of college.”
Wren lifted herself up on her knees and turned to the side.
Very carefully, so as to not start something she didn’t think that either of them was emotionally ready to handle yet, she pulled her boxers down ever so slightly to reveal a small circle scar on her right hip.
“Junior year. You earned a yellow card for that one.”