4. Sam
SAM
“I look ridiculous,” I muttered as I stared at myself in the mirror.
“Trust me, you don’t want loose jeans when you ride a horse,” Michael said, grabbing a set of chaps for me, tossing them in my face.
“And why do I need these?”
“Well, for one, it’s cold out, and these will help keep you warm. Second, it helps with chafing. Third, you really don’t want to know what it feels like when a horn hits your thigh. And last, but not least. It’ll protect you when we walk through the high grass, thorns, and brush.”
“There is no brush. It’s the middle of fucking winter.”
“It’s actually still fall. The first day of winter is December 21st.”
“It feels like winter,” I grumbled.
“Then I refer you back to my first point. It’s fucking cold out there.”
I sighed, already hating the idea of helping him with anything to do with the ranch. I was supposed to be recovering from my injury, not riding horses.
“Look, maybe I should just—”
“Nope. Krista asked me to get you out of the house. You’re driving her fucking crazy. And on top of that, your sister is worried about you.”
“Fucking ridiculous,” I muttered, adjusting my dick in the overly-tight pants. How could anyone walk around in these? There was no room for anything to breathe.
“What’s ridiculous is that you moved out here with no clue what your next step would be.”
“And riding a horse is going to suddenly enlighten me?” I asked sarcastically.
“You never know.”
I didn’t think for one second that riding a horse would change my life, or that I would suddenly find a new path for myself. But I did feel slightly bad about still living with Krista when she was married to the love of her life.
I just didn’t want to go back to that damn mobile house.
“Come outside when you’re ready,” Michael grumbled, walking out.
Holding open the belt, I slid my leg inside, grimacing when my jeans got stuck on the leather. Removing my leg, I tucked my jeans into my sock, hoping that would hold them in place.
Again, I slid my leg through the opening, grimacing when the jeans eventually pulled out of my sock and started riding up my calf, pushing the jeans up into my junk. This was fucking ridiculous. How did guys do this?
Walking out into the living area, I scoured the place for anything that would hold my jeans in place, but the only thing I found was a clothespin, and I highly doubted that would do a fucking thing to solve my problem.
“Dude, what are you doing?” Rob asked.
“Trying to get in the damn chaps,” I muttered.
Strolling over, he cocked his head to the side as he studied the leather wrapped around my leg. “Well, this is easy enough to fix. I’ll hold your jeans while you pull them up.”
That sounded simple enough, but was that really how cowboys did this sort of thing? It seemed way too complicated.
Snaking his hand up the chaps, he felt around until he found my jeans nearly halfway up my calf.
“Got it. Alright, pull on three.”
“Or you could just pull right now,” I muttered.
“Hey, I’m trying to work as a team. If you want, I can just get my breakfast and leave you to figure this out on your own.”
Rolling my eyes, I nodded. “Fine. On three. One, two, three!”
We both pulled, and my pants were now comfortably in place.
Aside from one small issue.
Rob scratched his jaw, staring at the other leg. “Do you think we should have done them at the same time?”
“Probably would have been smart.”
“Alright, I’ve got an idea. Remember in the 80s how they used to fold over the bottom of their jeans and then roll them?”
“Unfortunately.”
“Well, if you do that, they should stay more toward your ankles. Then I’ll undo them after I pull your jeans down.”
It sounded like a better plan than him reaching up into my chaps and feeling up my leg, so I rolled my pants and shoved my leg through. After tugging the chaps up just enough, he got a good grip on the jeans.
Nodding, he wiggled into a good stance. “Alright, on three.”
“Wait, we should probably get them all the way into position this time.”
“Right. So, lay on your back, and I’ll tug both legs at the same time.”
Again, way too fucking complicated, but I laid down on the ground and raised my legs in the air. He grabbed the pant legs as I grabbed the belt loop.
“On three.”
“One, two—”
I heaved with all my might as he tugged my pants in the other direction. My pants came down just a little, but the chaps were perfectly in place.
“Look at that!” Rob grinned. “Teamwork, am I right?” he laughed, holding up his hand for me to high-five.
Ignoring him, I got to my feet, wiggling out my legs to test how they felt. “Not too bad. I mean, I guess they’ll keep me warm.”
“Yeah, but there has to be a better way to do that,” Rob frowned. “I mean, what do guys do when they have to go out on their own? Is there some kind of contraption they use?”
“Actually,” Krista said, walking out of her room with her phone raised. “There’s a little thing called snaps on the sides of the chaps.” Lowering her phone, she smirked at me. “That was a great video. Thanks for that.”
“What?” Storming over to her, I snatched the phone out of her hands and replayed the video of me laying on the ground while Rob tugged on my pants. I immediately hit delete.
“Oh, I already sent it to all my brothers and your sister. And the sheriff. He really likes this sort of thing,” she chuckled.
“Why would you do that?”
“One, because it was hilarious. Two, because it’s blackmail. And three, because I could.”
“It’s not blackmail if you already sent it out,” I gritted my teeth.
“I think the other two reasons were really enough,” she chuckled.
My jaw clenched hard as I stared at the woman who had irritated me for months. “If you knew there was an easier way to get them on, why didn’t you just say that?”
“And ruin this amazing learning experience? I could never do something like that. No, my daddy always said that sometimes you have to learn things the hard way. Case in point.”
Growling, I took a step forward, but Rob intervened, blocking my path.
“You know, I really hate you sometimes.”
“Well, you could always find your own place to stay.”
“I’m not going back to that tiny house.”
“Hmm, well, I wish I had an answer for you. There are houses for sale, and from what I recall, you made a lot of money off your fights.”
I did, but since those fights had dried up, I couldn’t exactly afford to spend my savings on a house when I had no other source of income.
“I like it here.”
“Dude,” Rob chuckled. “It is a nice house, but this is not Three’s Company.” Wrapping his arm around my neck, he guided me away from his spitfire woman. “Look, I have no problem with you being here. It’s nice to catch the game with another dude and have a beer at the end of the night.”
He glanced over his shoulder, waving at Krista.
“But you’re cockblocking me. The other night, I had her bent over the kitchen table, and I was just sliding in when the door opened. Now, I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, but I didn’t exactly have time to sanitize before you sat down to eat.”
I nearly vomited right then and there, and when his hand landed on my shoulder, giving me a firm squeeze, I squirmed under his touch.
“I’ll be out by the end of the week.”
“Hey, we should definitely catch a game before then!” he called out as I fled the house.
“Alright, this is Susie,” Michael said, guiding the horse over to me. “She’s very gentle, so you should have no problem riding her.”
I stared at the beige horse, trying to decide if a horse named Susie was really manly enough for a guy like me.
“She’s already tacked, so you can just climb up.”
Yeah, that was the problem. I didn’t want to climb up, so I deflected. “Tacked?”
“Yeah, she’s got the saddle, and she’s ready to ride.”
Again, I stared at the horse. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t want to ride her. It might actually be nice. But how the hell was I supposed to get up there in jeans this tight?
“Is there a problem?” Michael asked, tipping his black cowboy hat up.
“Uh…not really.”
“Then get on. Just put one foot in the stirrup and swing your leg over, using the horn as your leverage.”
There was no getting out of this. No matter how much I wanted to back out, I was no pussy. I shoved my foot in the stirrup, then grabbed the horn, but hefting my large body up and over the back of the horse wasn’t as easy as he made it seem.
Susie kept shifting every time I pushed off the ground, and then I just ended up hopping around with one foot stuck in the stirrup.
“You just gotta go for it,” he said, frustrated with my slow progress.
I adjusted my dick with one hand, wincing as the jeans pinched at my groin. “How the hell do you wear this shit?”
“Easy. I put it on. Now, stop whining and get your ass up there.”
Sighing, I tried again, only to hop around again when Susie snorted at me, shifting away.
“She doesn’t like me,” I snapped.
“She likes you just fine.”
“Then why is she literally laughing at me?”
Michael rolled his eyes, but grabbed the reins, holding her in place. “There. Do it.”
I grit my teeth as I tightened my grip on the horn. This time, I heaved myself up and flung my leg over her back. My chest ended up parallel with her back, and my ass was in the air. But I was on the horse.
Chuckling, Michael shook his head at me. “Well, at least you made it up there.”
“I’ve never done this before,” I snarled, adjusting my seat. “Besides, I look fucking stupid.”
“That’s because you don’t know how to sit on the horse.”
“Well, no shit, Sherlock. I’ve never been on one before.”
“Look, it’s pretty simple. Don’t show fear. Sit comfortably. And above all else—”
I didn’t hear the last part. Susie let out a loud screech before taking off at a gallop. My ass bounced in the seat as I held on for dear life as she raced out of the barn.
“Whoa! Stop, girl! Yield!”
But nothing I said worked. She just kept running while I was bouncing all over her, nearly falling off several times.
“Susie, stop!” I shouted, bracing my hands on either side of her. “Stop right fucking now!”