Sam
Sweat poured down my face as Deke pushed me even harder today. My arms were killing me in the best possible way, and my body was exhausted. I hadn’t felt this exhilarated in over a year. Still, even as good as it felt, my mind was not entirely in the game.
I couldn’t get Cass out of my mind. She was permanently etched there. Her smile, her laugh, her tears when she cried at the end of Elf. There wasn’t a single thing about her that I couldn’t get out of my head.
And it was all my fault.
I used the excuse that Knight was borrowing my home on wheels for a lab for Kate, but in reality, I was enjoying staying with Cassidy just a little too much. I snuck in around the time she went to bed, but instead of going into her bedroom, we stayed up watching whatever Christmas movie she wanted.
I told myself I was there to protect her, to keep an eye on her until we figured out how Austin had poisoned Clara and got the proof we needed to lock his ass up. But that was taking time.
Which meant that everywhere I went, I was watching out for Cassidy, making sure to stop by her shop in broad daylight just to assure myself that she was okay. Thankfully, she was always surrounded by Ellie or Alyssa. And if neither of them were there, Delaney and Josie were around.
But that didn’t lessen the worry in my mind that she would be okay.
“Sammy, you’re not focusing!” Deke shouted.
Taking a step back from the bag, I shook out my arms, trying to refocus on the task at hand.
I still had an hour of training before I had to go on a run.
With the temps dropping so much, I had to run later in the day when it was slightly warmer out.
Soon, I would have to get on the treadmill because of the ice building up outside.
“Hey, where’s your head? You’re never gonna get back in that ring if you keep throwing punches like that.”
My breaths huffed out as I nodded, knowing he was right.
“I want another ten minutes on the bag, and show me that you mean it this time!”
I got to work, really focusing on the task at hand. With every encouraging word, I reset my mind and made sure that front and center of every punch was the desire to get back to where I used to be. Or better.
After my ten minutes were up, I assumed we’d move on to another set of drills, but instead, Deke had other plans for me.
“No run today.”
“I gotta get my run in,” I said between breaths.
“Today, you’re doing something even better.”
The grin on his face did nothing to set me at ease. Deke always had a way of turning things around just as I was getting used to doing something. Which wasn’t always a bad thing, but right now, I wasn’t so sure his intentions were aligned with mine.
“I’ve brought in a sparring partner for you.”
His words hit me square in the chest, and while I should be excited about the prospect of slamming my fist into someone’s face, dread filled the pit in my stomach.
Striding over to the bench, I picked up a towel and swiped it over my face, taking a moment to get a handle on the news he laid at my feet. My heart was hammering in my chest, and it wasn’t just because I’d been beating the shit out of the bag.
“Hey, did you hear me?” Deke chuckled. “I’ve got a sparring partner for you.”
I smiled, trying to pretend that everything was fine, but anxiety spiked in me at the thought of actually stepping into the ring and hitting something that could hit back.
I’d never once felt this way in my life.
Fighting had always calmed something inside me.
But instead, I was twisted up and tormented by the prospect.
Where was this coming from? I hadn’t felt this way since Deke walked back into my life, but suddenly, my chest was squeezing and my shoulder was burning.
Rotating my arm, I worked at the pain shooting through me. If I stepped in that ring at less than a hundred percent, I could fuck up my shoulder more than I already had. It would mean the end of my career before I even got back on my feet.
“What’s wrong? The shoulder bothering you?”
“Just a little,” I muttered, continuing to work it.
“Sit down.”
As I took a seat on the bench, Deke massaged my shoulder, working his fingers into the muscle to relieve the tension. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, hoping to push away the pain and get back on track.
But the longer Deke massaged the old injury, the clearer it became that there wasn’t actually anything wrong. It was all in my head. Every phantom pain, every twinge I felt…
I was scared.
And I’d never been scared of anything in my life.
“Any better?”
My new sparring partner walked out of the back room, fit and swinging as he warmed up. He was about the same size as me, but I could tell from how easily he moved that he wasn’t fighting any injuries.
He’d kick my ass in a heartbeat.
Not because I wasn’t good enough, but because I was letting fear overwhelm me, and that was a recipe for disaster. If I stepped in that ring right now and sparred with him, I wouldn’t be coming out unscathed.
I hissed in a breath as Deke rotated my shoulder. The pain wasn’t really there, but it did the trick.
“Nah, you’re not getting in the ring today.”
“It’ll be fine,” I said, getting to my feet, bouncing on my toes.
“Not happening. Let’s ice it and see how you are tomorrow.” Craning his neck, he shouted to the other man, “Masters! We’re holding off for today. The gym is yours!”
Masters raised a glove in acknowledgment, then got to work on the bag I’d abandoned not even ten minutes ago.
“Let’s get you cooled down,” Deke said, slapping me on the back. “Should I get the ice bath going?”
I shook my head, unwrapping my hands. “I’m just gonna steam for a little bit, then hit the showers.”
“You sure? It could help with that shoulder.”
The shoulder that didn’t need help at all.
“I think it’s just tension.”
Strolling over, he crossed his arms over his chest, giving me that look I knew all too well. “Look, if this is about that woman—”
“It’s not.”
“She can’t pull your focus. Not when you’re this close to a comeback.”
“I know, and believe me, I’ve got it under control.”
“You’d better. We didn’t go through all this to walk away now.”
“I said I’ve got it,” I snapped, regretting it seconds later as my trainer’s jaw twitched in irritation. “Look, it’ll be fine tomorrow. I just need to take the rest of the day to reset my head.”
“You do that.”
This was everything I’d ever wanted, and I was blowing it. If I really wanted this shot, I would have to drop Cassidy. I couldn’t afford to lose momentum now that I was back on track.
But if I stopped watching over Cassidy, who would be there to protect her from Austin?
What I needed was an update from Michael. After showering, I snatched my phone out of my locker and called him, hoping he could give me good news.
“Parker,” Michael answered.
“Any updates?”
“Yeah. We found the poison. It was in one of Josie’s herbs.”
“But you don’t believe she actually had anything to do with it, do you?”
“Me? Not a chance in hell, but Pop isn’t so easily convinced. He’s got blinders on where Ma’s concerned.”
“What about any links to Austin?”
“Still nothing.”
I cursed under my breath, pinching the bridge of my nose as my anxiety spiked. I needed this to be over. Not just for my own sanity, but because if I didn’t get Cassidy out of my head, I was gonna blow everything. And that was just part of the problem.
Walking out of the gym, I quickly tucked myself against the brick wall when I spotted Cassidy bringing in her sign for the night. I had to get away from her.
“Sam, you still there?”
“Yeah, just uh…finishing up for the night. Listen…you wanna meet in town for a beer?”
“At The Beaver? Not sure that’s such a great idea considering what just happened.”
“Then the seafood place.”
“Sure,” he huffed. “We can eat chicken. I’ll be there in fifteen.”
I stuck my head out just a little, checking to make sure it was all clear. “Yeah, I’ll meet you there.”
“Is everything okay? You sound distracted.”
When I was sure Cassidy wasn’t coming back out, I pushed off the building and headed toward the restaurant. “It’s all good. Just trying to keep my head in the game.”
“I’ll be there in ten. You can tell me all about it.”
As I tucked my phone away, I crossed the street, staying as far away from Cassidy as possible.
If I walked past her window, I’d want to stop and stare.
And if I stopped to stare, I’d want to go in.
And then I’d push her up against the counter and fuck her, completely ruining any hopes I had of maintaining my distance and getting my head back in the game.
I was going to have to quit her cold turkey. That was the only way forward.
Parker was already waiting for me when I got to Seafood & More. Then again, I may have doubled back to take one last look inside Once Upon A Bookseller to see if Cassidy was wearing a skirt today. Not that it mattered since I wasn’t going to see her again.
I was just curious.
Nodding to Parker, I took a seat, snatching the menu to study even though I had no desire to eat right now. My stomach was churning at the thought of giving Cassidy up, but worse was the thought of leaving her alone while Austin was still out there.
“How’s it going?”
“Not great,” he muttered, peeling the label on his bottle. “Pop is really worked up about proving Austin had a hand in this.” Shaking his head, he stared off into space. “I don’t know if we’re ever gonna get what we need.”
I knew it went against everything Ben Parker announced the other night, but I couldn’t see another way around it. “You have to use Knight. He’s here. He gets the situation.”
“Pop won’t have it. He doesn’t want any of us making a move and risking the family.”
“He’s risking the family by not taking out Austin,” I hissed, keeping my voice low.
“But he’s got a point. If anything happened to the fucker, we’d be the first under the microscope. Our family has had a rivalry with theirs for years. There’s no fucking way the whole town could ignore that fact if an investigation started.”
“What does Mav say?”