40. Cassidy
CASSIDY
Glancing at the calendar, a deep pit of longing hit me hard when I counted yet another day that passed where I didn’t see Sam.
He hadn’t stopped by once since he moved out over a week ago, and I only had myself to blame. I practically shoved him out the door. It was the right choice for me, but not seeing him every day was nearly killing me.
There weren’t any phone calls.
No midnight visits at my house.
No sneaking in the back of my shop.
Our relationship had, for all intents and purposes, reached its limit.
We were over, and there was no taking that back.
The night he moved out, my nightmares returned at full force, and since then, I hadn’t gotten a single night of sleep that lasted more than a few hours.
I was exhausted, but in the end, taking care of myself was for the best.
Grabbing a marker, I crossed off February 5th on the calendar like I was tracking my period. In reality, I was counting the days since I last felt his thick cock inside me or his body wrapped around mine.
God, I missed that.
“You look way too sad for such a happy person.”
I spun around, nearly jumping out of my skin at the deep voice.
Pressing my hand to my heart, I tried to calm the racing in my chest and gain some semblance of normalcy, but I hadn’t realized I wasn’t alone in the shop.
How had I gotten so distracted that I hadn’t heard the bell chime over the door?
Maverick cocked a grin at me, setting a book down on the counter. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Oh, no. It’s fine. I was just—” I fumbled over my words, desperately hoping the sheriff hadn’t caught me pining away for a man who clearly didn’t want me.
Grabbing the book, I forced a smile on my face. “This is a good book.”
“I’m sure it is. Not for me, though.”
“Really? You seem like a Jack Reacher sort of guy.”
Leaning on the counter, Mav’s swagger shot out like an arrow to my ovaries. And I would totally fall to his charms if my heart and vagina weren’t already invested in another man.
“What gave me away? Is it the muscles? Or maybe my dastardly good looks?”
I scanned the barcode, shooting him an amused look. “I was going to say the overinflated ego, but sure. We can go with what you said.”
“I’m hurt. Really. My ego is just the right size.”
“For a hot air balloon,” I jested.
Even I could see that the sheriff was not only sexy but extremely charming.
And if I weren’t infatuated with someone else, I might flirt back with the man.
Mav had always been a good friend, but that tended to happen when the same people you grew up with as a kid and teenager became the same people you socialized with as an adult.
“Now, I think I’m going to have to put that snub to the test.”
“Yeah? Are you going to call all the other men around town to see whose ego is bigger?”
His eyes laughed as he leaned hard on the counter, putting himself just inches from me. “Drinks. Saturday night.”
I shook my head in confusion, not understanding what he was talking about. “How are drinks Saturday night going to put my insult to the test?”
“Cassidy,” he chuckled, “you always were too cute for your own good.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you and I are getting drinks Saturday night. I’m buying.”
My eyebrows shot up in surprise at the offer that seemed a lot like an order. Of course, that was probably because in all my years of knowing Maverick Wynne, I’d never gotten even the slightest suspicion that he liked me in any way.
“You— like a date?”
Huffing out a laugh, he stepped back from the counter. “Wow. Okay, I didn’t realize I would be rebuffed so easily. Was it my ego? Or maybe the uniform? Because I wasn’t planning on wearing this.”
“No!” My words rushed out of me as I desperately tried to fix my blunder. “I just wasn’t expecting you to ask me out for drinks. In all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never shown the slightest interest in me. I mean, you’re definitely good-looking and muscley and all that stuff—”
“Muscley?” His lips twitched in amusement at my choice of words.
“Maverick Wynne, stop teasing me right this minute!”
He tossed a twenty down on the counter, snagging the book without waiting for me to put it in a bag. “I wonder what you would have said to dinner?”
“You didn’t let me give you a bag!”
“That’s not an answer, but maybe I’ll pull it out of you Saturday night,” he said, heading for the door.
I picked up the twenty and shook it at him. “And you overpaid for the book!”
“See you this weekend, Cassidy.”
My mouth gaped as he walked out, not even bothering to take his change. What the hell was that? And when was I supposed to meet him? Or was he picking me up? I hated it when men left on a high note, leaving me confused and in desperate need of answers.
What was I supposed to do now? I mean, of course, I would get drinks with the man. But was it a date? Was it just a friendly drink? And what if he didn’t leave me enough time to get ready?
But most importantly, how was I going to sit down for drinks with Maverick when I couldn’t get my mind off Sam?
“Oh, forget it,” I muttered to myself as I hustled around the shop, shutting everything down for the night.
After closing out the register and shutting down the computer, I headed to the back room for my things. For a second, I thought I felt a prickle, like someone was watching me, but when I spun around, no one was there.
Laughing to myself, I grabbed my purse and slung it over my shoulder. “He’s not there. He moved on, just like you wanted him to.”
But even as I walked through my shop, determined to move on from whatever I had with Sam, I knew there was no quick fix for what was wrong with me.
I was in love with him.
And I pushed him away before he could leave me. Before I could feel the cruel sting of rejection if I told him I loved him and wanted more. Before I could become so attached that it hurt even worse than it did now.
Josie met me outside the shop, grinning as she hooked her arm through mine. “Isn’t it a beautiful night?”
“It’s freezing,” I grumbled.
“The sky is so clear tonight. You can see all the stars and feel the cold brushing against your skin,” she sighed.
“What is wrong with you?”
“Me?” she gaped. “I’m perfectly happy. The question is, what’s wrong with you?”
“You mean other than the fact that my leg is still hurting?”
“Well, that will heal with time. Your heart, on the other hand—”
“There’s nothing wrong with my heart.”
“Other than the fact that you kicked a very sexy man out of your bed, which I still don’t understand.”
I’d been holding back since the moment he moved out, but if I didn’t tell someone, I’d burst. I was constantly on edge, always feeling like I was just a second away from breaking down in tears.
“What is it?” she asked, pulling me to a stop outside the candy shop.
Blinking back the moisture filling my eyes, I looked away, ashamed by what I was about to admit.
“I remembered the accident.”
“Oh. Cass, did you tell Sam?”
I shook my head, wiping my nose on my sleeve. “I woke up and he wasn’t there.”
It made sense to me, but would anyone else understand? From the confusion on her face, I could tell she wasn’t sure what I was getting at.
“I reached for him, but he wasn’t there. He was training, and I realized that soon, he would be leaving for his career, and I would be nothing more than a distant memory.”
“Cass,” she sighed. “You have to tell him.”
“No, I don’t. It won’t do any good anyway. Do you think he’s going to give up his career to stay home with me and chase away the nightmares?”
“Did you ask?”
“No, and I would never do that. He’s so excited about this. When he came home every night, he was exhausted, but he wanted it so badly. I could see it every time he talked about getting back in the ring.”
“That doesn’t mean he wouldn’t still want you.”
“He didn’t exactly fight it when I showed him that house. He signed the contract the same day he looked at it.”
“Well, you did pretty much shove him out the door.”
“Because he was going to leave anyway!”
Anger and sadness swelled inside me as I swiped at the tears leaking down my cheeks. I was so tired of feeling twisted up inside. No matter how many times I told myself that this was all for the best, I still felt like my insides were being ripped out.
“I love him, Josie,” I admitted quietly. “And he’s told me multiple times that he will never have anything more to offer me. His job is everything to him, and I’m just the fling he enjoyed for a time.”
Like the good friend she was, she wrapped me in a hug and held me as I cried.
I knew it was ridiculous. Our whole relationship—if you could call it that—he’d been telling me there would never be more.
I did a terrible job protecting my heart, and worse, I fell for the stupid man. I only had myself to blame.
“It’ll be fine,” I said, swiping the tears from my eyes. “I just need a few days to push past these feelings, and then it’ll be like he was never even part of my life.
Chuckling, she linked her arm through mine once again and we headed down the street. “You’re a terrible liar, Cassidy. Especially when you’re lying to yourself.”