Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-eight
CASSIDY
“Do you think the reason she wanted a divorce was because she wanted to be with the baby’s father?”
“Stands to reason. I only ever wanted her to be happy and, for as fucked up as it seems on the outside, I thought we were both looking out for the other’s best interest. If she’d been upfront—” Isaiah hangs his head. He drags a toe, creating an arc of leaves and exposing the dirt below our boots. “Kylie loved the limelight, but she deserved better than the crap her parents pushed on her to get to the top. It was abusive and turned a really great girl into a victim and an into addict. I told her as much the day she died. Except, back then, I felt like I bore the brunt for how she died, and I held all the blame for why Aria would never meet her mother. A counselor helped me accept that no story is ever one-sided. We both played our parts.
“I won’t lie to you, Cassidy. I spent a lot of the past year battling depression. I still wonder if marrying Kylie enabled her. Or if tensions weren’t running high about whose career would implode on a grander scale, and I had said yes to the divorce, if everything would have happened exactly the same way. Part of me hopes Kylie’s reason for hiding her pregnancy under baggy clothes and not telling me why she wanted out of our marriage was her fucked up way of sparing me the betrayal. One thing’s for sure, when the shit hits the fan, I know I’ll fall back to anger and believe it was sheer cowardice on her part… And culpability I feel about how Aria wound up parentless won’t ever fade. That baby is stuck with me because I was a pompous ass who wouldn’t grant her mother a divorce. If Kylie stayed just a few minutes longer, I could have called 911. I could have saved her.”
I reach out, sliding my hand down Isaiah’s forearm and grasp his wrist. He pulls his hand from his front pocket, searching for comfort, and our fingers entwine.
I’ve been having my own problems coming to terms with his revelations. It took my dad coming to me for me to see that I needed to stop hiding in the corner and licking my wounds. Isaiah was doing what he thought was best for Aria; both when he kept her existence a secret and then choosing to reveal it. I’m glad to know Isaiah sought grief counseling. I can’t imagine having gone through anything similar on my own.
Unfortunately, the more I hear about Isaiah and Kylie’s marriage, the more possessive of him I feel. It isn’t that he had sex with his wife. I mean, I just figured they had. They were a couple. I’d put that out of my mind until his words reminded me. But, unless I’m a complete idiot, their intimacy seems… shallow. Kylie used sex and the ring on Isaiah’s finger to her advantage. She dragged his emotions around like a piercing in a bull’s nose.
My fingertips tingle, agitated his late wife took advantage of him when Isaiah went to lengths to make sure he was being a good friend and a good husband. Kylie asked for a divorce because she was having someone else’s child. Yes, the timing of her affair and the baby were awful, but no matter when it happened, this will tarnish his reputation. How unfair is it that he agreed to their marriage to help build her up and she tore him down?
“Why are you trusting me with all of this?” I ask. I need to hear him confirm what my dad inferred earlier.
“I’m tired of shouldering it alone, that’s for damn sure,” Isaiah huffs. “No matter what, I want you to understand I found something at Kingsbrier that I wouldn’t have realized in a million years my life was lacking… You.” He draws me close and kisses my forehead. “I think I knew from the minute I met you I didn’t want this relationship to end, chou. Not without giving it a fighting chance to get off the ground. I’m not tense around you. Waking up isn’t the same demon’s chore, slogging through the day, that it was. Just being around you makes me feel like I’m worthy of more.”
“You know you’re God’s gift to country music, right? Platinum records, lotsa money, tour headliner, any of that ring a bell?” I wrap my arms around his waist.
My Isaiah is soft and sincere. He’s witty and humble. The moment I met him, my life changed, too. Although a half-naked Isaiah Roomer popping out from behind the refrigerator door is bound to brighten any woman’s day. I guess I got lucky Isaiah showed up in my kitchen.
He cups my cheek. “Being good enough to entertain a crowd doesn’t necessarily make me good enough for you.”
“Bringing Colton Cavanaugh that paperwork in person might have scored you a few points.” I sink my tooth into my lip.
He pulls it away with his thumb.
“Telling you about Aria was a colossal risk. She’s mine to protect, not mine to keep. But not telling you meant you couldn’t be either of those things to me.”
To protect and to keep. Cue the belly flutters. I just batted my eyes.
My heart is nearly ready to burst. But Isaiah’s life is messy, and I can only know who he really is if I’m honest.
“I went out with someone before we met. They made me feel like I’d never be anyone’s first choice. That I didn’t deserve the kind of happiness they wanted to give someone else. That I needed to be even more grateful for any scrap or morsel that fell in my lap.” I reveal my disastrous date with Rude Rudy.
“I’m not feeding you crumbs. If anything, I want to prove to you I’m not someone’s wrinkled, discarded wrapper.” Our lips are inches apart. “I miss you, Cass. Can I—”
Screw it all. I’m about to say yes, but Isaiah’s cell cuts off his question, leaving me disappointed. I’m not ready to share my bed with the man, but a kiss would’ve been nice.
“I guess we’ve been out here a while. Aria is awake. If you’ve failed to notice, I’m not killing it at this guardian thing.” He says it with an air of regret, tugging me by the hand to trudge back through the thicket.
I see him trying, so I tighten my grip. “Kylie left no indication of who Aria’s biological father is?”
“No.” Isaiah shakes his head, his expression tight. “I thought someone would step forward at the funeral. Every man whose hand I shook was a possibility. It felt sleazy, sizing them up. Trying to see through them. Questioning if they were the person who my wife slept with.” He quickly looks back at me shamefaced and keeps moving.
“Hey, slow down.” I stop, forcing his feet to still, and yanking his arm out of the socket. I want Isaiah’s full attention when I say this. “That doesn’t make you sleazy. It makes you human.”
“I hardly have half of Aria’s story.” He tells me about the lengths it took to keep the media from finding out Kylie orphaned her daughter. Isaiah doesn’t want Aria at the center of a media circus. Her mother’s death is ranked as one of the decade’s most high-profile tragedies. “I don’t have a clue who Aria belongs to, and I’m no closer to finding out than I was when she was born because I avoided her. I thought she’d be gone by now.” He hadn’t wanted to get attached. “Aria is the product of Kylie’s betrayal, not the reason for it. It’s not the baby’s fault.” It’s as if he’s continually trying to convince himself of that.
“I don’t disagree,” I say calmly.
Isaiah is facing a million different important decisions, and he’s acting like if he doesn’t get back to the mansion this very second he’s not living up to his duties.
Suddenly, I see Isaiah’s rush to cross the street in a similar light to my waffling over the past few days. It’s hard to do what is right for you when it affects someone else.
“Aria is safe with Monty. Tell me what’s bothering you. Please.” He needs someone to confide in. Even though I don’t like the fact that I’m keeping the whole truth from my family, I want to build on the trust Isaiah’s shown me and continue to guard his secrets.
He grits his teeth, grabbing his wayward hair by the roots. “I’m afraid I’m fucking this up. That I’ve already fucked it up.”
“Which part?”
“You. Her. The tour. Everything.” He rubs his hand from his hairline to his jaw. “Now that I know how it looks to someone like you—who comes from a big family—that I left a baby alone. All I can focus on is fixing how I failed Aria. How a grown man keeps failing her because he didn’t even get how much formula she’d need or how many diapers she’d go through in a day. I know you see that, too, and it makes me feel like such an asshole.”
“Nobody can’t make amends for every mistake they’ve made overnight.” I haven’t been well-behaved recently because my feelings were hurt. So, I don’t expect the apology I gave him this afternoon to wipe away any rudeness I’ve shown. I figured if Isaiah was showing me he was sorry and I said I was sorry, we could take it one step at a time. “The tour is weeks from now, and I’ve seen you trying to right wrongs with Aria and me. Cut yourself some slack, you can’t expect everything to be alright right away.
“Aria cries and I don’t have the first clue what she wants, Cass. I wind up carrying her around half the time.”
“Does it stop her crying?”
“Well, yeah.” He shrugs.
“That makes it obvious, then. Aria wants the same thing I do: You.” I tip up on my toes and peck him on the lips.
I intended it to be a simple kiss. A friendly, albeit romantic, gesture to show Isaiah I am interested in starting over. Although when I go to flatten my heels, and his hand curls around my neck, up into my hair, and he presses his lips firmly against mine, it’s apparent Isaiah and I aren’t starting from scratch.
We’re much too aware of the other’s impulses. All it takes is a swipe of his tongue and I open for him, letting him delve into my mouth, and succumbing to the sweetest sin that is being kissed by Isaiah Roomer.
Our lips part, but our chests heave against one another. Isaiah smiles down at me. He brushes my hair behind my ear and rests his forehead against mine. “Sometimes—when it gets to be too much—I wonder if it will ever matter again what I want.”
“What do you want?” All the possibilities run through my mind. Another double platinum album. A successful tour. A long and storied music career. To a lesser extent, since he’s hyperfocused on doing right by her, Aria’s safety.
“I want you to be mine to keep.”
“I am yours.” For now, I leave out.
I’m willing to risk my heart on this man for a while longer. I intend to enjoy every second with Isaiah being mine until he leaves on the tour.