Chapter 38
It can’t be true. It can’t be true. The phrase repeats over and over again in Naomi’s mind, the rational part of her brain pleading her to think logically.
To consider that maybe Leo was right. Maybe coming home just dredged all her unconfronted grief to the surface, and this is all a psychological coping mechanism.
She doesn’t want to believe her sister is really dead, so she’s made up a story.
All this is just her mind playing tricks on her, and Joel is right, she needs to take a break.
Because what Naomi is concluding is beyond preposterous.
Naomi illegally parks in front of Joel’s apartment, not giving a thought to getting a ticket.
She has bigger concerns. Hands trembling, she searches for videos of Harlow post-Apotheosis, desperate to see if she recognizes Faye this time.
Because if it’s true, she still can’t comprehend how she didn’t see it before.
The first clip that surfaces is a live performance of “Echo.” Harlow is looking to the side, her long raven hair obscuring her face.
She’s wearing a black leather jacket with large hoop earrings.
And her eyeliner is overdone, with a long wingtip.
Naomi clicks into the video and presses play, needing a closer look.
She watches as the camera moves, revealing Harlow’s face.
She hits pause, studying the famous features.
She bites her lip, frowning. It really doesn’t look like her sister.
At least, not like how Naomi remembers her.
Her sister had a rounder face, a thicker nose, and long blonde hair like Harlow used to have.
Her heart sinks, wondering if she really is mistaken.
But she could’ve gotten plastic surgery, Naomi thinks. Look at how different some celebrities look now versus before they were famous… they’re unrecognizable.
She grunts in frustration as she gets out of the car, her mind at war with her heart as she races up to the apartment.
She immediately opens another video as she falls onto the couch, this one an interview clip.
In it, Harlow is sitting in front of a microphone in a radio station.
She’s wearing a burgundy blouse with dark copper hair.
The host thanks her for joining the show and she smiles, thanking them in return.
Naomi watches intently, waiting for a sign, any sign, of it being her sister.
Five minutes in and Naomi still doesn’t recognize her.
That is, until the host makes her laugh.
Naomi shakes her head and drags the marker back across the red line.
The blood drains from her face as she hears it once more.
She rewinds it again. And again. And again.
And again. She closes her eyes, picturing her sister behind the laugh.
But when she opens them, it still doesn’t look like the face she remembers.
Naomi scrolls down, sifting through the rest of the suggested videos, her heart stopping when she sees the Beatles cover that came up during her search earlier.
Harlow Hayes – Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds cover.
She hadn’t thought anything of it then, but seeing it now, assuming that Harlow is actually Faye, it takes on a completely different meaning. Harlow Hayes – “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” cover.
Naomi is trembling by the time the song starts to play, instantly taken back to the day of her mom’s funeral. When Faye gazed at Naomi, eyes shining as she sang the first words, changing “picture yourself” to “picture us.”
Tears run down Naomi’s face as Harlow stares at her through the screen, the exact same way Faye did that day. Naomi lets out a sob, covering her mouth with her hand as she listens to the opening… with the same exact lyric change.
She shakes her head, tears soaking her hand as her brain refuses to accept it.
Harlow could’ve copied it, must’ve seen Faye perform it somewhere.
Naomi wipes her face with her sleeves and forces herself to breathe.
She jumps up from the couch and rummages through the photos in the plastic bins she brought back from Aunt Mary’s basement.
She finds a photo of Faye, posing seriously for the camera.
Naomi remembers that photo. Faye wanted to pretend she was a pop star getting a photoshoot done, so Naomi played photographer as Faye posed away—this one making it into the pile of Faye’s favorites.
Naomi pulls it out of the plastic casing and searches for the fan video that opened her mind to the imposter theory in the first place.
She finds it and skips through all of the explanation, pausing on the part she’s looking for—two photos of Harlow with a red line splitting the image down the middle.
Naomi waits until red circles and arrows start to appear over both noses, arms, hair, teeth, and freckles before pausing the screen again.
Like before, she’s convinced the two Harlows in these photos are not the same person. She just never imagined the one on the right could be Faye. Because why would her mind ever go there? It’s fucking ludicrous.
Despite every logical part of her brain telling her she’s lost her mind, Naomi holds up her photo of Faye, comparing it to the photo on the right of the screen. While the nose and cheeks are definitely different, there is no denying that it’s her sister’s smile and eyes.
Naomi huffs out a few breaths, feeling lightheaded. Her eyes land on the Apotheosis album cover on the floor below her wall of “evidence.”
She forces herself off the couch and picks it up, studying the back track list, looking at the bolded letters and numbers that a fan pointed out.
A date: March 14. Faye’s birthday.
Naomi looks up, scanning the papers on the wall for other numbers. A shaky gasp escapes her as she spots the sums noted in the article about Harlow’s GoFundMe donations: $1,596 and $31,498. She thought they were random numbers at the time, but they weren’t at all. They were fucking birthdays.
Their birthdays. January 5, 1996 was Naomi’s and March 14, 1998 was Faye’s.
“What the fuck,” Naomi screams, dropping down to the floor, feeling like she might hyperventilate.
She picks up the Apotheosis cover again, this time looking at the front.
She holds it up to the light, which illuminates the different layers in the album artwork from skyscrapers and ocean and roses.
But it’s the trees that stand out to her, and the small, barely noticeable faded yellow door at the bottom of one of the trunks.
Heart pounding, Naomi thinks of the lyrics to the yellow door song and wonders what other clues from Faye she missed.
She frantically opens the lyric posters of Apotheosis and Legacy, eyes darting across the text.
Happiness is long drives with you by my side
Now those are gone forever, alone I ride
I’m sorry for my words but yours cut like a knife
When you were ready to abandon me, walk right out of my life
An imposter with good fortune, a pretty face that turned the key
I don’t even recognize the real me
I do, Naomi thinks, a mixture of fury and desperation overwhelming her. She forces herself to breathe as she continues to scan the lyrics, her stomach twisting in knots as phrases jump off the page, slicing at her heart like jagged little razors.
Splintering wood, started a fight
Eight stitches on a cruel September night
To the reckless girl I used to be
I promise, I’ll leave you a worthy legacy
Scribbles on my shoes, Tears on my face
A bond that can never be replaced
We’d sing it’s us against the world
But you couldn’t fix me, you tried
You meant the world to me, now I’m dead to you
What was I thinking, what did I do?
Now I’m dead to you. Naomi aggressively pushes the tears off her cheek as she rereads the lyrics to “If You Ever Get Lonely (Yellow Door).”
Home is where the heart is
Unfortunately it’s true
When you get lonely, think of the yellow door
Think of us two
Memories of us will fade, like the peeling paint on the tree
I’ll tell myself it was everything I wanted
How it was meant to be
Yet I’ll whisper on the wind, please forgive me.
Forgive me. Forgive me. Naomi can hear Faye whispering the words to her and she wants to cry in relief and scream in anger at the same time.
She flips to the back of the vinyl cover to the track list, to see if she can find anything else. And she finally sees it, spelled out right in front of her all along.
No Way Back
Footsteps in the Snow
One Step Ahead
Rose-Covered Grave
Garden of Bones
If You Ever Get Lonely (Yellow Door)
Violent Ends Part II
Endless Loop
Melancholy
Echo
“N, Forgive Me.”