CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR CHLOE
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
CHLOE
NOW
Going from having someone to hold your hand through every excruciating period to being completely alone was a shock I couldn’t have prepared myself for.
It’s a kind of loneliness I never quite got used to that made my heart ache the same way my body did.
Nonetheless, Ronan’s presence over the last few days has been everything I’ve craved for so many years and yet will also be the thing that breaks me.
His show of kindness, the way he remembered everything I needed during this time of the month, and how I’ve wanted for nothing since he came down here and found me hunched over the toilet.
But that right there is the problem. It’s a lie. Because if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be down here anymore.
If Ronan truly cared, if he really wanted me to be comfortable, he would have carried me upstairs to a real bed where I could be comfortable.
The fact that he’s stayed down here with me only proves he’s just as scared of his father as he was back then, and I’m not willing to let myself fall for his kindness, no matter how grateful I am for it.
Thankfully, the cramps have begun to fade, and the dull ache that’s taken their place is far easier to treat. The pain won’t be gone for a few more days, and then I’ll have a week of bliss without symptoms…if I live that long.
Like a bucket of ice water, I’m reminded that in just a matter of days I’ll be dead.
“Is it time for your meds?” Ronan asks groggily.
“No, I’m okay,” I whisper.
I’ve slept for most of the time he’s been down here, which means I have even less idea of what time it is than before my period started.
But maybe losing track of time isn’t such a bad thing when my days are numbered.
His palm rests over my lower belly where it’s been for days. It’s not as if his touch magically heals the pain there, but it’s the thought that brings tears to my eyes the same way it did all those years ago.
“You should go,” I murmur.
Ronan’s hold on me tightens, but he makes no move to leave. “Is that what you want?” he finally asks.
“It’s for the best. The longer you’re here, the harder it will be when the time comes.”
“When the time comes for what, Sparrow?”
My eyes press shut as my heart skips a beat at the nickname he gave me when we were stupid kids climbing trees in the garden.
“For you to kill me,” I choke on the words.
I’ve been going back and forth about which brother I would rather pull the trigger, but ultimately it won’t matter.
They each hold a piece of my heart, so it’s only fitting that one of them should have its final beat.
He’s quiet for so long I don’t think he’s going to reply at all, but his hold on me tightens to the brink of pain. It’s the welcome kind, though, not the agony that’s torn through me the last few days.
“I’m not going to kill you, Chloe.”
“But Damon will.”
“If it comes down to it, I don’t think he’ll be able to do it either.”
A laugh bubbles in my throat. “He fucking hates me and doesn’t make a secret of it. Ridding your family of me will be one of the best days of the asshole’s life.”
“He doesn’t hate you.”
A tear leaks from the corner of my eye because I wish that were true. I fucking long for the friendship Damon and I shared all those years ago, but he doesn’t feel the same way, and that’s something I made peace with a long time ago.
“You should go,” I whisper again. Him being here feels too good, and I refuse to let myself get used to it. It won’t be long before they move me out of here, and any special treatment I’ve been offered will be a distant memory. Including his comfort.
“Is this about Ryker?” He growls the name like it’s personally offended him.
A wave of guilt washes over me, making my chest ache for the man I allowed past the walls I’ve spent a decade building.
Guilt for leaving him, even if it wasn’t my choice.
Guilt for letting him touch me.
And most of all, guilt for forcing Ronan to watch as he fucked me.
It seems so stupid now. My anger toward the first man I ever loved. The need to hurt him the same way he hurt me when in reality I always knew he wasn’t involved. He didn’t even know.
He spent the last ten years thinking I ran off with his baby without even considering how he would feel.
I push my aching body up and slide out from under his arm. The loss is immediate, but it’s for the best. I sit with my back against the cool bricks and meet his hurt eyes.
“Why would this have anything to do with him?” I whisper, hoping the pain radiating through my chest can’t be heard in my voice.
Pain for Ronan.
Pain for Ryker.
And pain for myself. For the girl that used to believe in love and happily ever after.
I miss her more than I ever allow myself to admit.
He shoves himself to his feet, and I get my first glance at his bare chest. He was wearing a shirt earlier when he fed me a few bites of soup, but he must have taken it off after I fell asleep.
Unlike his brother, his body is almost completely free of ink. Except for the space right over his heart where a bird in vivid color catches my eye.
A sparrow.
He thought I left him with our child.
He thought I ran away to start a new life without him.
And yet he still had me tattooed on his chest, right over the organ that keeps his blood pumping.
My hand covers my mouth as a rough sob escapes.
This is doing nothing for my attempts to distance myself from him.
Catching where my gaze is locked, he curses under his breath and tugs his shirt on.
“Because I assume if you’re letting him fuck you, you guys are together.”
“We’re not,” I murmur. “Together, that is. We…I…” I can’t find the words to tell him that until Ryker came along, I hadn’t let anyone else touch me since I left Florida.
Hurt slices across his features, his usually vibrant green eyes turning dark. “So that little show was just to hurt me?” he growls. “As if all the other pain you’ve caused me wasn’t enough?”
The guilt swirling inside my chest morphs into something else entirely.
Pure fucking rage fills my veins, and before I realize what I’m doing, I’m on my feet with my arms crossed over my chest.
At some point over the last couple of days, Ronan changed me into one of his oversized shirts, which admittedly makes me look even less intimidating than normal.
“All the other pain I caused you?” I snap.
“Are you fucking kidding me, Ronan? Your father and brother tortured me for days. They killed my parents in front of me. And they were perfectly fucking willing to kill me, even knowing I was pregnant with your child. The pain you and your family have caused me, both physically and emotionally, far outweighs me fucking another guy.” I glance around at the cell I’m being kept in.
“And if you want to talk about knee-jerk reactions to being hurt, how about we talk about the fact I’m here…
again. You helped Damon bring me back here, to my fucking death. ”
Stepping forward, I shove at his chest, my heart beating in my chest like it’s trying to escape, and for all I know, it is.
“The fact you think that me sleeping with Ryker is comparable to you kidnapping me and bringing me back to here to die only proves to me that you’re not the man I fell in love with.”
His face falls, but I turn my back on him before I can break.
Because hurting him is just as painful for me, even after all these years.