Chapter 24
Pages and pages of research lay scattered across the table. There’s more stacked in the corner, all of it an opus to breaking the curse.
Narcissus sits atop my scribbles, scratching at a page. Normally I would scold him, but today I don’t.
“Good boy,” I murmur, petting his back. He meows and arches under my hand, nuzzling his head against my arm.
He watches with more interest than normal as I round up four years’ worth of research. Even before I hired the Poet to help me, I spent hours in this room looking for a loophole to the curse or some kind of clue about how to break it.
It all seems like such wasted effort now.
I stuff as many books and notes in my arms as I can and turn to see Milly standing in the doorway. “What are you doing?” she asks, squinting at my heavy load.
“Changing my focus,” I sigh, stuffing all my research into a cupboard in the corner. It takes me multiple trips to manage it all, and I have to force the door closed, but it fits. “My priorities were wrong.”
“I’ll say,” she sasses, crossing her arms and stepping further into the room.
I scowl at her. “You could at least pretend to disagree.”
She just smiles. “Where would be the fun in that? Now what change in priorities has caused you to stuff your work into a cupboard?”
“Stella. No, don’t grin at me,” I say, pointing at her. “It’s not like that. She just showed me how selfish I was being. All these years spent researching a way around the curse and the only reason I did it was for me.” I busy myself gathering books from the table, avoiding the disappointment I know is on her face. “I wasn’t thinking of you or Brutus or Maddy or David. I thought only of me and my desire to return to Roburry for revenge.”
I move about the room, placing books back on the shelves so I can start my new project with a clean slate. Milly’s eyes bore into my back as I work, and I try to shake the intense guilt plaguing my heels.
“And what now?” she asks after a moment, her tone curious.
“Now…I suppose I’m being selfish again.” My arm falls to my side, a book clutched in my fingers as I realize that my decision isn’t as simple as I thought. It affects more than just me. “I didn’t even consider all of you when I decided this.”
“Decided what?”
“To stop looking for a way around the curse until I find a way to free Stella from the man who has her trapped by a magical artifact.”
A pride-filled smile shines on Mildred’s aged face and her eyes glisten with tears. She steps close, putting a hand to my cheek.
Hers is a face I know well. It’s one that’s seen me steal cakes from the kitchen at the castle, play pranks on my mother, fight with my brother, and mourn my father.
But the way she looks at me now, I feel like a new man. A good man.
“My dear boy, I have never been so proud,” Milly says softly, grinning.
“Yeah?”
“Of course. You’re putting her above yourself.”
“But I didn’t consider any of you,” I argue.
She rolls her eyes. “Alistair, do you really think that any of us are willing to let Stella go back to whatever master is responsible for making her so afraid? Not a chance,” she scoffs. “I’d be disappointed in you if you didn’t do this for her.”
I chuckle, stuffing the book on its shelf. “Of course you would. Now if only Stella was as open to the idea as you. She’s not speaking to me right now.”
Milly nods, unsurprised, and I wonder what Stella has told her about the situation. “She’s scared,” the housekeeper says as I walk around returning books. “I’m not even sure she understands it herself.”
“She told me as much,” I sigh, remembering the heartbreaking look on her face when she told me that she didn’t know how to accept all that I wanted to give her. It was like she was haunted by the look in my eyes, terrified of being loved.
But if there’s one thing Stella has taught me in the weeks since she arrived, it’s that we’re all capable of growth. And I’m too stubborn to quit on her now.
“She just needs to shed her old skin,” I say more to myself than to Mildred.
“And who better to teach her that than someone who’s recently learned it himself?” Milly smiles, setting a hand on my shoulder.
Overcome with emotion, I set the rest of the books down and wrap her in a hug. She has a tight grip for such a slight woman, hugging me like her life depends on it.
“I don’t think I ever said thank you for the risks you took for me,” I sputter, my lips trembling as tears fight their way free.
“It was not a risk to choose you, Alistair. It was a privilege.”
Her words only make me cry harder and I cling to her, thankful that if my mother can’t be here, at least I have Milly.
“Thank you for everything,” I sniff. “For staying with me when you didn’t have to. For sticking by me when I wasn’t worth sticking with. I wouldn’t be here now if it weren’t for you.”
She leans back, looking at me with a mother’s love, unwavering. “You would have figured it out on your own if you had to. But I’m happy that I got to be here to see you grow. Now you just need to help Stella the way she’s helped you.”
I nod, already planning it in my head. Stella will run at the first sign of a fight. Which is why I can’t let her see me coming.