Chapter 31
We don’t come across any guards as Milly and Brutus lead me from the manor and down to the unused stables. I’m not sure why we’re going there, Alistair doesn’t have any horses. But then I spot the tall gelding that’s already saddled in the duke’s finery.
“You want me to steal a horse?” I ask as we slip between shadows to the waiting animal.
Milly sets a hand on my shoulder, her normally sweet face etched in stubbornness. “We want you to run.”
Feeling the weight of the situation, I say nothing as they strap my things to the saddle and slip on the horse’s bridle. But when Brutus hands me the reins, my fingers fidget with them. Something isn’t right.
I turn to the two staff members to ask them what’s going on, only to find that neither of them will look me in the eye.
“Something’s happening, isn’t it?” I ask, looking between the two of them.
Brutus glances at Milly, but she shakes her head. I step closer and grab her arm, not liking the resigned look in her eyes.
“Mildred, tell me right now,” I command. “If Alistair has something planned, I need to know. You haven’t seen the duke in action in the last four years. You have no idea what he’s capable of. How much stronger he’s gotten…” I break off, remembering the ferocity with which the duke fought the few times I saw him engage in battle. Only animals fight like that. “If Alistair is going to do something stupid, you have to tell me.”
Milly keeps her lips pressed together and I turn to Brutus. He tilts his head, pleading with me to leave it be. But I just raise an eyebrow and wait.
“The master is…” he begins, sighing. “He’s planning to—”
“Don’t you dare, Brutus,” Milly snaps.
“Milly, if Alistair is planning something, I need to know about it,” I insist.
“No, you need to go,” she begs, grabbing my hands as she cries. Though her concern for me is touching, my gut tells me that Alistair needs me more than I need freedom.
“Brutus?” I turn to the cook.
He ignores Milly’s glare. “He’s going to try to kill the duke the minute we tell him you’ve left the grounds.”
Anger boils up in me and I toss the reins aside. Alistair promised me that he wouldn’t go after Orrin alone. The liar! He doesn’t get to worry about my safety and put me first if I’m not allowed to return the favor.
I turn toward the manor, my stomach clenching with worry and uncertainty. Normally, I would run away in a situation like this. The goal has always been to get to a neighboring kingdom where Orrin can’t come after me. To finally find freedom.
But I wouldn’t have Alistair.Or Milly or Brutus or Maddy or Francesca. And I’ve come to realize that I like being part of a pack.
But if I walk in there, I have to be prepared for what happens if we win. If we lose, I’ll go back to being Orrin’s slave. But that’s nothing new. I’ve survived it before, I can survive it again so long as Alistair lives.
But if we win, Alistair will become a duke, and I’ll be his duchess.
Part of me can’t help but feel that being the duchess would be like entering another cage, this one plush and opulent, but a cage all the same.
I wasn’t born to be a duchess. The people couldn’t possibly come to love me or even respect me. My past is too messy, a crown will only make my mistakes sparkle.
But what’s the alternative? Running—again? Is that all I’m ever going to be—the bolter? I can see myself at eighty years old, using an alias and moving every year, afraid to even make an acquaintance.
But I also see another picture. Me going after Alistair. Us defeating Orrin and going home to Roburry. In this daydream, the journey to earning the trust of the people is long, but Alistair and I manage it. Together.
It’s a picture that I don’t want to fade away. And even if it never comes to fruition, I think it’s one worth running after. ‘Run, Little Wolf,’ the duke used to say, mocking me. But it’s not his voice I hear in my head.
It’s Alistair’s, full of love and protection. And this time, I’m not running away. I’m running toward something.
Run, Little Wolf. And I do.