Chapter 10
ten
Fletcher
You chickened out, didn’t you?”
I don’t like the condescending tone in Becca’s voice. She doesn’t understand how everything could change if I went to Tate and told her I’ve been in love with her since we were kids. I know Tate. I know things that Becca could never understand.
“I wouldn’t say I chickened out.”
She crosses her arms as I take a drink of my coffee.
“You like her, Fletcher. Why are you so scared to tell her that?”
“The last time I went to tell her I had feelings for her, she shut me down before I even got the words out.”
“Maybe she thought that’s what you were going to do.
Maybe she was actually hoping that when she told you that the kiss was a mistake, you were going to say you didn’t feel the same way.
Did you ever think of that?” Becca leans forward.
“Did you ever think that maybe it was easier for her to just shut the situation down rather than possibly embarrass herself?”
“And what about me?” I question. “I’m supposed to put my heart on the line and possibly get shut down so—”
“Yes.”
“How’s that fair?”
“I never said it was. But there’s only one thing worse than being shut down, and that’s sitting there wondering what would have happened if you had told Tate how you felt. That ‘what if’ will haunt you more than the ‘oh well.’ I can promise you that.”
“Oh yeah?” I tap on the side of my coffee cup. “Because you’re an expert when it comes to relationships?”
“I’m not saying that.”
“If you were in my shoes, would you tell the person you care about how you felt?”
“I actually have been right where you are.” Her expression saddens.
“And?”
“Remember how I mentioned most of our football team being assholes?”
My eyes widen, and it takes everything in me to stop my jaw from dropping open.
“You dated a football player?”
“Date is a strong word. And it obviously didn’t work out, and if I ever run into him, I’d rather drink dog barf than speak a word to that asshole.”
“That bad, huh?”
“That bad.”
I can’t help but let my curiosity get the best of me. I think it’s partially because I’ve spent so much of my life around Tate and Brinley that I was trained to get all of the information.
“I don’t mean to pry, but—”
“You wanna know who the guy is?” She squints at me, studying my face, but there’s a slight smile pulling at her mouth.
“I do.”
“Isaiah Walker.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“I wish I were kidding.”
“What—”
“I’m not getting into what happened.” She shakes her head. “I lived through the whole thing once; I don’t need to do it again. And we aren’t here to talk about me. We’re here to talk about you and how you’re gonna get the girl.”
“I don’t know,” I mumble. “I feel like we missed our moment. I think if we were to try something, everything would just fall apart.”
“Or you’d fall in love and live happily ever after.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready to risk everything to find that out.”
“What are we going to do with you, Fletcher?” Becca grabs her coffee, leans back in her chair, and sighs. “What are we going to do with you?”
Iheard you and Becca really hit it off.” Jax sits down in the corner of the couch.
Zeke and I are playing NHL 17 for what feels like the first time in forever. I feel like Zeke and I have been constantly missing each other recently, so it’s nice to settle down and get back to how things used to be.
“I wouldn’t say that,” I respond, taking a shot at Zeke’s goal and missing.
“Marcus told me you two talked for hours.”
“Marcus was too busy swapping spit with Logan to even notice. We talked for maybe an hour.”
“You were with her the other day,” Jax argues.
The statement catches me off guard, giving Zeke the perfect opportunity to score.
“You were?” Zeke turns toward me, pausing the game.
“She’s a cool girl, but nothing’s going on there.”
“You’re hanging out with a girl, and you’re not sleeping with her?” Zeke tilts his head.
“I know this might be new information to you, Zeke, but you don’t have to sleep with every girl you encounter,” I begin.
“I don’t sleep with every girl I encounter.”
“Ember, Tate, and Brin don’t count.”
“Why not?”
“Because you don’t stand a chance with them anyway. Jax, help me out here.”
“Brin is off limits because she’s Declan’s little sister.” Jax scrolls through his phone. “So, you can’t count her because there’s no chance of that ever happening. And Tate, well, you’d be breaking the bro code, so—”
“Whoa.” I twist toward Jax, waving my hands in front of me. “How would he be breaking the bro code?”
“Don’t make me say it.” Jax sighs.
“What?”
“Whether you admit it or not, you love Tate. Or loved her. None of us would ever think about going there with her. It would be the beginning of the end of our friend group.”
I suppose I never really tried to hide how I felt about Tate in high school, but I thought I was doing a better job of it in college. I think deep down, there will always be a part of me that has feelings for Tate. She was my first love.
But I think the world knew going there would be a bad idea.
Forget the bro code. I think Tate and I going there would be the beginning of the end of our friend group anyway.
I think that’s why I chickened out when Becca told me to tell Tate how I felt.
Even if she did feel the same way, what would happen if things didn’t work out?
What would happen if we built up the idea of us so much that the truth just let us down? Perhaps some friendships are meant to be just that— friendships.
“Not that she’d be interested in any of you losers anyway.” I tease.
“Everybody is interested in me.” Zeke winks.
“You’re the worst.”
“Also, Ember doesn’t count because she shot you down already. Multiple times.” Jax puts his phone down and sits up. “And well, Declan totally has a thing for her.”
“Speaking of Ember and Declan,” I scoot back on the couch, and suddenly, this conversation feels like it’s turning into a gossip session. “Does anyone know what happened with them last week at the Halloween party?”
“No.” Jax rubs his chin. “I’ve been trying to get the fucker to talk to me about that night, but he keeps dodging the questions. And I’d ask Brin, but we aren’t exactly on speaking terms right now.”
I’ve never seen Jaxon like this. The whole Brin situation has really gotten to him. I know he’d never admit it, but her ignoring him is breaking his heart. I don’t blame her for what she’s doing, but I also can’t help but feel bad for my friend.
“They both disappeared from that party pretty early.” Zeke leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“How would you know?” I ask. “You were hooking up with some girl in your room.”
“Pretty sure he was gone before I ran off to my room.”
“Do you think something happened between them?” Jax whispers.
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Girls talk about these things in greater detail than guys do, but he’d at least say something, right? Like, ‘Hey, Ember and I kissed,’ or ‘We’re dating now,’ something.”
“And Tate hasn’t said anything to you about it?” Zeke pats me on the back. “I feel like it’s something you’d talk about.”
“I was too busy groveling the day after Halloween because I was an idiot.”
“No arguments here.”
“If he wants to talk about it, he will. Until then, we just wait.” Zeke leans back; his eyes focus on the TV. “But something totally happened.”
“Definitely,” Jax adds as the front door opens and Ember and Declan walk in.
“Hey guys.” Ember gives a soft smile. “What’re you doing?”
“Nothing,” I say at the same time Zeke says, “Playing video games,” and Jax says, “Talking.”
“Um.” Ember’s eyes dart from us to Declan and then back to us. And I don’t know what comes over us, but suddenly, we burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.
“I’m sorry, it’s nothing, truly, it’s just.” I place a hand on my chest like it’ll stop the laughter, but Declan just holds up a hand.
“We don’t need to know.”
“Okay.” We finally calm down as they walk into the house a bit further.
“We can go work on the project in my room.” Declan motions toward the stairs, and Ember heads up; he follows behind her.
The second we hear his door shut, I look at Jaxon and then at Zeke. I roll my lips in, holding back my laughter, as we sit in silence.
Zeke picks up the controller, presses play on our game, and everything returns to normal.
“Just saying,” Zeke’s eyes stay glued on the screen, “I’m so gonna win this bet.”