Chapter 13
RUE
Nope. No. No. No.
My vision blurs, and I stumble back from Macey and Mara. I gesture for them to move ahead, not knowing what else to do.
“Rue…” Macey’s hand lands on my forearm. “I had no idea you even thought about him anymore. I… I didn’t know. I thought… I don’t know.”
My dad lied. He lied to me. He let someone I loved take the fall.
“After the divorce, Noah was adopted by his stepdad, David Peterson,” Macey’s voice is distant, as I fish my phone out of my pocket. Her hand stops me. “Don’t go deep diving into it right now.”
“Why?” I demand, choking on the thought that someone I cared about is in fucking prison—for something he didn’t even do.
I ruined his life. I ruined his life.
“Don’t torture yourself. You couldn’t have known he was going to kill Matthew. You couldn’t have known any of that. I can only imagine how painful this is…”
Yeah, because you don’t even know the truth.
I did it. I. Did. It.
And Noah paid the price.
I blink, the tears building up. “I just need a moment.”
“Rue,” Macey’s voice is soft. “Let me walk you back to your car.”
A group of giggling kids pass us, and Mara immediately latches onto them, completely oblivious to the moment the adults are having.
“Come on!” Mara calls back to us. “I don’t want to just stand in the dark!”
“Go ahead,” I grit out, shooing Macey toward her daughter and the kids. “I’ll walk myself back to the car. I don’t want Mara to miss out. It’s fine.” Somehow, my voice comes out like I’m not completely mindfucked right now.
“Okay… Are you sure? I don’t mind telling her we can come back…”
“No, go,” I force a false smile, stifling the sob that threatens to rack my chest. “Seriously, I’m good.”
Macey purses her lips. “Well, text me when you get home then.”
“Okay,” I assure her, and then breathe a sigh of relief as soon as they disappear into the night, leaving me alone in the dark corner of the maze. I glance back toward the entrance…
Which I now realize is a lot further away than I thought.
Didn’t we just enter? I rake my fingers through my hair, and then start back in the general direction, twisting and turning.
As I move, I pick up my pace, the tears slipping down my cheeks in pure horror.
I cut through the trees, desperate to get away from the people, from the memories, and the fucking truth of what I’ve been unaware of for over a decade.
How did I not know? How did this slip past me? How stupid am I?
I break through the trees and stumble out onto the shore. My heart thumps in the side of my head, the sound louder than the cold waters slapping into the side of the rocky shore surrounding the dock.
The dock.
I glance around, my eyes scanning the empty, overgrown parking lot and the thick woods behind me. It’s one of the more desolate areas around the lake, and the trail to my house… I swallow hard, seeing the beaten path still faintly there, though the signs are gone.
My body is numb from the cold, though the sweat still beads up across my forehead. I stumble toward the dock, gasping for air and letting it burn my lungs.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” my voice slurs, the tears and snot smearing across my coat as I try to wipe them away. My footsteps thud across the wooden planks, while they creak beneath my weight.
‘Give it back or I’ll throw this in in the lake,’ I can hear my own words in my head, the way his grip was so fucking firm on my wrist, and the panic that followed.
‘How dare you throw my ring in the lake, you little ungrateful bitch.’
I just wanted my dad’s truck back.
But instead, I…snapped.
I come to a stop at the end of the dock, the railing still missing. My eyes drop to my feet, and I can still picture the blood all over my shoes—the way I had looked down and then back up, just to meet Matthew’s wide eyes and gaping mouth.
And then I shoved him into the lake.
I lean over, and stare into the dark waters, my reflection missing, as if it’s been fucking swallowed already. What would it feel like if I just let myself go? The waters would be cold at first, but then they’d start to feel warmer, as the blood in my veins cooled to the same temperature.
And then it could be over.
All this misery could be over.
My mom wouldn’t hold anything over my head and the universe would have some sort of justice for Matthew… But it wouldn’t make it right for Noah.
I sink to my knees, my head falling in my hands.
I killed someone I loved. And it wasn’t Matthew.