Chapter 20
NOAH
“Noah.”
I hear her before I see her, and when I look up to see her face, illuminated by the moonlight, I have no idea how I should react. I should be furious at the mere sight of her. Or maybe even sickened by it.
But instead, I feel nothing except a tinge of relief and wariness. It’s probably just the fucking cold. I keep my knees up and arms across them as a shield.
Rue eases down into the ravine, using the same trail we used as kids. It’s overgrown, and unrecognizable to the naked eye, but to us? Well, we’re cut from the same cloth, I think.
“I found them,” she breathes out, as her sneakers hit the sand floor.
“I found the letters you sent me. They were in my parents’ gun safe.
I haven’t read them all.” She rushes to where I’m sitting, and kneels down in front of me, her hands landing on my forearms. “I’m so fucking sorry. I never would’ve abandoned you. Never.”
I’m silent, studying her face. Her pretty eyes are teary and tortured.
Do I believe her? I don’t know.
Before I can make that decision, Rue throws herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck. I’m still for a few beats, and then let out a pained breath.
Fuck it. I’ve spent so long without warm, human touch, I can’t resist her. I thread my arms around her torso, and bury my face in her neck, lost in the scent of her a second time.
I know this won’t last.
“I have a plan,” Rue says, pulling away from me. “I—”
I cut her off with my mouth, not wanting to hear her fucking plan right now. The Marshals are closing in, the end is coming, and I know that. I know that. And there’s nothing that can change the outcome.
“Noah,” she tries to break the kiss, but I shake my head and pull her in again. She moans against me, as I nip at her bottom lip. If this is the last time I’m going to have Rue Iverson, then I’m going to make it fucking count.
I kiss her, my tongue desperate to cover every inch of her, committing it to memory. I adjust the sleeping bag beside me, readying it to keep us warm. I slip her shirt over her head, her body shivering.
“I’ll keep you warm,” I whisper, “Just trust me.”
She tips her head back, catching my gaze as I undo her jeans, and then nods. “Okay.”
I slip her jeans off quickly, and then follow suit, stripping myself down, too. I grab the unzipped sleeping bag and wrap it around us, as I lay her back on the sand. Rue gasps as my mouth finds her neck. I kiss her, my cock throbbing as it brushes the inside of her thigh.
“Let me love you the way I could’ve in a different life, Rue,” I murmur into her, as I kiss my way down to her chest, careful to keep the blanket over us. Her back arches into me, as I suck her into my mouth, but I don’t spend long there.
I keep kissing downward, the taste of her causing me to salivate.
My lips brush her ribs, stomach, and then lower abdomen. I kiss until I reach her pussy, and then shove the blanket up to cover her body as I kiss the tops of her inner thighs.
Her moans fill the stillness of the night, her fingernails finding my shoulders. They dig in as drag my tongue through her slit, tasting every ounce of her.
“Fuck,” I groan into her, flicking my tongue across her clit. Her hips buck against me, and I slip my hands beneath her ass, holding her to my face.
Rue’s whimpers turn to pants as I keep the pace, working up from her entrance to her clit, my jaw buried in pussy. She rocks against me, and I imagine her face contorted in please.
“Say my name,” I demand, my voice muffled by her body.
“Noah,” she breathes out, a sharp inhale following. “Oh God, Noah.” Her voice breaks into a moan, as her thighs tense around my head. The muscles tremble as I move faster, and she matches me.
Her nails break my skin as she finally reaches her peak, her orgasm causing her to cry out. It’s the prettiest fucking sound I’ve ever heard in my life, and before I can let her finish, I raise up, and line my cock up.
I thrust it into her, getting to feel the pulses of her ecstasy. “This is heaven,” I groan, her wetness and warmth swallowing me. “Fuck, Rue. Fuck.”
Her eyes latch onto mine in the moonlight, her fingertips caressing my biceps. “I’m sorry, Noah.”
I shake my head, as I thrust into her, grinding my hips against her. “No, this is enough, Rue. This is enough.” I lean down, resting my forehead against hers. “Fuck.”
She captures my mouth with hers, pulling me to her. I kiss her again, and honestly, maybe we don’t know each other anymore. But in this moment, it’s the closest I’ve ever come to someone.
Rue is the only woman I’ve ever loved.
And as I explode inside of her, she wraps her legs around my waist. I stutter, letting out a primal groan that pierces the night. It’s not romantic to fuck in the ravine, but for us…
It makes the most goddamn sense.
I rest on my elbows as we both come down from the moment, Rue’s hot tears soaking my skin. Maybe she knows this is never going to last past this ravine, too.
“Noah,” she whispers into my neck. “I have a plan.”
I let out a sigh, and push off the ground, ignoring the pang of disappointment as I slide out of her. “Interesting.” I reach for her clothes, handing them to her one piece at a time.
“We can leave together,” she urges, as she tugs her sweater over her head. “We could leave this place and drive south.”
I blink a few times, trying to process this sudden devotion. “Um… What about your mom?”
“What about her?” Rue snaps at me, her brow furrowed. “She can get around fine, and I’ve been living in California since that summer you were arrested and my dad passed away.”
The whole idea seems idealistic, borderline stupid. And again, I needed Rue to see me, acknowledge what she did. She can’t fucking stay with me forever. It can never happen.
I eye her.“You’re going to get in trouble.”
“So?” Rue stands to her feet, brushing the sand off her body, no longer shivering anymore. “I killed Matthew. We both know that.”
“Okay…” My voice trails off, because this all just seems way too fucking grand. “But the Marshals probably have the area sectioned off.”
“They said they were going to do a search, but they haven’t started yet… That I know of.” Rue chews on her lower lip, her hair as wild as her plan. “Please. I need to make it up to you.”
Ah, so this isn’t about love. It’s about guilt.
And still I hate that I want to agree to it.
But it’s not what’s best for her.
“You can’t run with me.” My voice is stern. “It’s not what you deserve. I meant what I wrote to you, Rue. I don’t want some kind of ever-lasting commitment from you. I just wanted you to see me and acknowledge me. You did. So, it’s done.”
The hurt on her face is like a dagger in my chest. “Don’t throw this away, just because it’s hard.”
But I really don’t get it.
I jerk my shirt down to cover my exposed stomach. “What is there to throw away? A childhood friendship? A couple times of having sex in the grimy fucking woods? You’re here because you feel like you owe me, not because you really love me. You didn’t even remember me. You forgot me.”
A tear slips down her cheek. “I never really forgot.”
“Oh right,” I scoff. “All that trauma tore us apart. My parents got a divorce, we lost touch, and then you had no problem falling for someone else.”
“I was just a teenager,” she whimpers, reaching for me. “I’ll do anything for you, Noah.”
“That sounds pathetic,” I snap at her, feeling the resentment and pain from the years of being isolated bubbling to the surface.
“You paid your debt. You saw me. You apologized. You let me have a couple of rounds of what it would be like to have you, and that’s all I get. We both know what’s going to happen.”
Well, or at least, I know what’s coming now.
And maybe it was always the plan from the start.
I’m a waste of space in this goddamn world now that the loose ends have been tied.
“Noah, you don’t mean that.”
“No,” I step closer to her, brushing her hair from her face out of instinct.
“That’s the problem. I do. And after all these years, I can confidently say, you don’t know me anymore.
I’m not the kid you grew up with. I lived a whole ass life since you, and maybe you were it for me.
Maybe you’re the closest thing to love I’ll ever know, but this is it. Go home.”
She folds her arms across her chest. “No. We’re running.”
“No, we’re not.”
“We could have a good life.”
“Not in this one.” I plop down in the sand, and then gaze up at her, my chest constricting with the immense desire to pull her close again. “I’ll catch you in the next round.”
“Just think about it. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. I need to pack.”
I want to tell her it’s a waste of time, and threaten not to be here when she returns, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I just nod, and then watch her climb out of the ravine with the same ease she’s always had.
I squeeze my eyes shut as soon as she’s out of sight, letting the grief wash over me.
Because I won’t be here when she comes back.