Chapter 9
CHAPTER
NINE
CAROLINE—ONE WEEK AFTER THE FIGHT
I guess I’m good at running. I ran from my wedding. I ran from Nathan. I ran from my mother. Then... I ran from Sebastian.
I sit in my motel room staring at the ceiling. The room smells faintly of bleach and stale coffee. The floral bedspread looks like it survived three different decades. The air conditioner rattles every few minutes.
It's nothing like Sebastian's cabin. Nothing. There are no cedar walls. No pine trees outside the window. No oversized blankets draped across leather furniture. No smell of fresh coffee drifting through the kitchen. No Sebastian.
The realization hurts more than anything else. I curl my knees to my chest. The tears have finally stopped. Not because I feel better. Because I'm exhausted. I've spent hours replaying everything. Every laugh, every kiss… every moment was perfection.
The betrayal still hurts. It probably always will. He should have told me. The second he knew. Maybe even before breakfast. Definitely before he kissed me.
But another thought refuses to leave me alone. He tried. I close my eyes.
"Caroline... there's something you should know."
Then... Toast. I actually laugh. A sad, watery laugh. He'd been trying to tell me. Poorly. Very poorly. But he'd tried. Again. I bury my face in my hands.
He looked terrified. Not calculating. Not manipulative.
Terrified. Like a man watching the happiest thing that had ever happened to him slowly slip through his fingers.
My chest tightens. Because I know that look.
I saw it right before I drove away. He wasn't protecting himself.
He was protecting... Us. Or at least what he hoped we could become.
He'd made the wrong choice. A terrible choice. But I don't think it came from selfishness. It came from fear. I understand fear. I've been letting it control me my whole life.
I stand and begin pacing the tiny motel room. Back and forth. I stop beside the window. The mountains rise in the distance. Somewhere up there... Sebastian is alone.
The image punches the air from my lungs. He's probably sitting on that porch. Convinced he ruined everything. Knowing him... He's probably already decided this is proof he should spend the rest of his life alone.
Hide on his mountain. Never trust anyone again. Never let anyone close enough to hurt him. The thought terrifies me.
Because I know him. Not perfectly. Not completely. But enough. Enough to know retreat is his instinct. It's what he's done for more than twenty years. He'll convince himself he's protecting everyone. Especially me. Then he'll disappear. Forever.
My heart begins racing. "No." I whisper the word into the empty room. "No."
The more time passes... The harder this becomes. The more likely he is to decide it's over. The more likely he is to climb back up that mountain... Close the cabin door and never open it again.
I can't let that happen. Because despite everything...
Despite the lies. Despite the secret. I still love him.
The realization lands with startling clarity.
I love Sebastian St. Clare. I love the man who looked embarrassed when I complimented his cabin.
I love the man who pretended not to notice me stealing all his blankets.
I love the man who smiled every single time I laughed.
I love the man who listened. Who cared. Who made me feel safe.
One mistake doesn't erase all of that. A terrible mistake. But not enough to erase everything else. I grab my jacket. My purse. My keys. I don't even bother checking out. The motel can keep the deposit. I practically run to his car.
As I pull onto the road leading back toward the mountain, one thought repeats over and over again. Please still be there. Please don't disappear. Please don't decide for both of us.
The mountain road twists upward. I take the turns faster than I probably should.
The trees blur past my windows. Every minute feels like an hour.
Every curve feels too slow. By the time I reach the gravel road leading to the cabin, my heart is pounding so hard I can barely breathe. I don't park. I barely stop the car.
I jump out before the engine is fully off. My boots hit the gravel. Then I'm running. I sprint up the porch steps. The front door is standing open.
"Sebastian!" My voice echoes through the cabin.
Silence. For one terrifying second, I think I'm too late. I think he left. I think he climbed deeper into the mountains where no one could ever find him again.
Then I hear footsteps. Heavy and familiar. He appears in the hallway. Our eyes meet. Everything inside me stops. He looks exhausted.
His beard is a little longer than it was a week ago. Dark circles shadow his eyes. Like he hasn't been sleeping. Like he's been hurting just as much as I have.
"Caroline..." He says my name like he isn't sure I'm real.
Like if he reaches for me, I'll disappear. I take one step toward him.
"I came because?—"
"Wait." He holds up one hand. "I need one minute."
Before I can ask what he means, he disappears into another room. I blink.
"What..." A few seconds later he comes back carrying an enormous arrangement of wildflowers. White daisies. Blue lupines. Yellow black-eyed Susans. Purple asters. Dozens and dozens of flowers gathered from all over the mountain. They're breathtaking.
My mouth falls open. Then I notice something else. A small velvet box. He's holding it so tightly his knuckles have turned white. My heart forgets how to beat.
"No..." I whisper.
He walks toward me. Slowly. Carefully. Like he's afraid one wrong move will send me running again.
"I was going to find you today." His voice is rough. "I spent the entire week trying to figure out where you'd gone." A sad smile crosses his face. "I gathered all of this yesterday." He glances down at the flowers. "I just didn't know where to bring them."
My vision blurs. He stops directly in front of me. Then, before I can say another word... He drops to one knee. My hands fly to my mouth. "Oh my God..."
He opens the little velvet box. Inside sits the most beautiful ring I've ever seen. An oval diamond surrounded by tiny sparkling stones on a simple gold band. Elegant and timeless.
He looks up at me. "I've rehearsed this speech about a thousand times." A nervous laugh escapes him. "I was better at it when I was alone."
I laugh through my tears. "I've never been good at timing."
"You showed up before I could come find you."
"I couldn't wait."
His smile grows. "Good."
He takes a slow breath. "Caroline Blake..." His voice steadies. "I spent more than twenty years hiding on this mountain. I convinced myself I was happier alone. I convinced myself that I'd never need another person again."
He shakes his head.
"Then you walked into a bar wearing a wedding dress."
I laugh. "So dramatic."
"You grabbed my backside."
"I've apologized."
"Not convincingly."
Another laugh escapes me. The sound mixes with my tears.
"I thought my life was over." He smiles softly. "It turns out it was just beginning."
The tears spill freely now.
"I made the biggest mistake of my life by keeping that secret from you. I'll regret it for the rest of my life. But losing you..." His voice catches. "I can't survive that."
He swallows hard. "I love you."
The words settle over us like sunlight.
"I love your terrible jokes. I love the way you smile every morning over coffee. I love the way you somehow made more than twenty years of loneliness disappear in two weeks." His eyes shine. "I don't want another morning without you."
He looks down at the ring. Then back at me. "Caroline... Will you marry me?"
I stare at him. Completely overwhelmed. One question slips out before I can stop it.
"I thought..." My voice trembles. "I thought you never wanted to get married again."
His smile softens into something impossibly tender. "I believed that." He nods slowly. "I really did."
He stands, still holding the ring. "I've had a week of waking up without you."
His eyes never leave mine. "I've had a week of making one cup of coffee instead of two. A week of talking to an empty cabin. A week of realizing the happiest moments of my life all happened because you were standing beside me."
He reaches for my hands. "If marriage is what it takes for me to wake up beside you every morning..." His thumbs brush gently across my fingers. "...then marriage is exactly what I want."
A sob escapes me. Not from sadness. From relief. From joy. From the overwhelming certainty that I've never loved anyone the way I love this man.
"Yes." The word comes out as little more than a whisper.
He blinks. "I need you to say it again."
I laugh through my tears. "Yes."
A bigger smile spreads across his face. "I still don't think I heard?—"
I throw my arms around him. "Yes!"
He laughs. The deep, warm laugh that made me fall in love with him in the first place. He slips the ring onto my finger. It fits perfectly. I stare at it. Then at him. Then back at the ring.
"It's beautiful."
"It doesn't come close to you.” He says it so matter-of-factly that I laugh again.
I cup his face. "I love you."
"I love you too."
I kiss him. Long. Slow. Like I'm making up for every lost moment. When we finally separate, I grin mischievously.
"What?" he asks.
Without answering, I slide both of my hands into the back pockets of his jeans.
His eyebrows shoot up. "There it is."
I laugh. "What?"
"The investigative touch."
I shake my head. "No."
I smile up at him. "I can't believe this is real." I give his back pockets a playful squeeze. "Definitely not a mannequin."
He groans. "You are never going to let that go, are you?"
"Never." I rest my forehead against his.
"I can't wait to be yours forever." His arms tighten around me.
"You already are."
Standing in the doorway of the cabin that first felt like home the moment I stepped inside, wrapped safely in Sebastian's embrace, I realize something that makes me smile through fresh tears.
“Hey,” he says. “I have an idea. Let’s go back to Rusty’s and celebrate with a couple whiskeys… for old time’s sake.” He laughs.
“Old time?” I laugh. “That was less than a month ago.”
He smiles. “Hey, it was the very first day of this relationship. I say you let me take you back. This time, as my bride.”
“Let’s go.” I say as I hand him the keys to his car. “I guess you’ll be needing these back.”