Chapter Seventeen
I didn’t know I had this many tears in me. More than sufficient for an hour crying on the bathroom floor. And it’s given me a bitch of a headache. Time to take some aspirin and pull myself together.
So I made a mistake and should have told him about Farmer straight away.
Nash is an adult who doesn’t need someone protecting his happy.
The part where he didn’t even give me the benefit of the doubt, however, is a sharp and jagged thing inside of me.
If we can come apart so easily…if his belief in me is so fragile…
then we don’t belong together. And it’s better to find this out sooner rather than later.
Grandma curses up a storm as she packs Charlie and Angus’s gear and throws it into the front garden.
They are most definitely being evicted. She says she hates men.
She especially hates these three men in particular.
And she sincerely wishes they would fuck off to outer space and never be seen again.
Seems I rehearse speeches in my head when I’m anxious and Grandma talks to herself when she’s angry. There’s an interesting array of foibles in our family.
My face is a stark and swollen pink in the bathroom mirror.
The way my eyes look like they’re about to explode.
Stupid, idiotic, unnecessary love. I’m probably better off without it.
I mean, what have I really lost here? Someone who I thought was my person, who made my life better in a myriad of ways and who I wanted to be with forever.
Happiness and great sex and good conversation and laughter. He’s a stellar hugger too.
Though, I don’t need him and none of it matters if he thinks I would sell him out so easily.
Therefore, I am fine and moving on to a bigger and brighter future minus any famous musicians.
Just as soon as I lock myself back in the bathroom to cry some more.
Might take a bottle of wine or a pitcher of margaritas in with me this time. It honestly can’t hurt.
“What the hell is happening here?” asks Sabrina, coming through the front door.
And behind her is Rose. “Saw someone’s stuff being thrown into the garden and thought we should check things out.”
Grandma takes a deep breath and stands tall. “That idiot of a rockstar upset her. Look at the state of her.”
So I’m sort of rumpled and ruddy-faced. There’s no need to make a big thing out of it.
“What did he do?” asks Isa, entering the room still wearing her apron from the café. Guess she left work in a hurry.
Rose shrugs. “I activated the phone tree. It felt like an emergency. Carmen is picking up supplies in Seattle and won’t be here for a few hours, and Amy is stuck teaching a cross-stitch class. They both send their love though.”
And I do not burst into tears all over again because I have friends. That would be weird and excessive on my part.
“Oh, good lord.” Sabrina hugs me. “Deep breaths. Don’t worry. We will get the fucker where it hurts.”
Rose nods. “Damn right we will. It’s been ages since I’ve slashed anyone’s tires.”
“What happened?” asks Isa, taking a seat on the sofa.
I wipe my face with my hands and get myself under control.
Sort of. “The record company asshole came to town last night and offered me a bunch of money to get Nash to sign with them again, and I didn’t want it to ruin his night so I was going to tell him today, but someone else told him first and now he thinks I betrayed him and was going to take their money. ”
There are a whole lot of wide eyes in the room.
“That’s everything,” I say.
“Was it a lot of money?” asks Rose.
“Yeah.” I nod. “I wasn’t going to do it though.”
“Of course not,” says Isa.
Which is when Father Frank walks into the house in full regalia. The long white robe with a green and gold stole. This sure is a day for surprises. Some bad and some just plain strange. “I had a baptism to finish, but I’m here now. Who needs praying over?”
“Nash thinks June sold him out, the big idiot.” Sabrina continues rubbing my back. It really is quite soothing.
“Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate you all being here,” I say. “But why do you believe me about this when we lied to you all before?”
“You were wrong to do it,” announces Father Frank. “However, there were solid reasons for trying to hide him so he could attempt to live a more normal life. We’re not unreasonable people.”
Grandma comes in the front door and dusts off her hands. “I think that’s all of it.”
“I’m sorry about Charlie,” I say.
“He made his choices. Give him a day or so to think it over and he’ll be back apologizing if he knows what’s good for him.”
“Should you be throwing his clothes out front then?” I ask.
“Always set firm boundaries, my dear. His job is to have my back.” Grandma crosses her arms. “And yours by extension.”
I nod. “Are there any photographers out there?”
“One or two,” says Grandma. “Let them guess at what’s going on. It might keep them busy for a while.”
“Such a sad and sorry mess,” says Father Frank.
Rose shakes her head. “Your poor heart.”
“I have to get back to work, but I’ll bring by a batch of cookies later.” Isa rises and walks over to me. “Keep your chin up, okay?”
I smile. “Thank you.”
“What we need here is some proper girl time,” says Father Frank. “How about we put on Pride and Prejudice and make popcorn?”
“One of the movies or the series?” asks Sabrina.
“We did a movie last time.” Rose makes herself at home on the couch. “Let’s binge the series this time around.”
Sabrina turns to me. “What do you say?”
“I would honestly love that,” I say. “Thank you.”
Nash
My hands didn’t shake when I played at Fenway in Boston to a crowd of forty thousand.
Same goes for the audience of sixty-five thousand at Hyde Park in London.
But they’re shaking now. There’s a clear blue sky above me with the sun shining down and birds singing as the river lazily drifting past. This should be a soothing scene.
I’ve been sitting here trying to process what’s going on, however, and yeah.
I’ve got nothing. “What the fuck even was that?”
Charlie and Angus both turn to me. One with sadness on his face and the other in surprise.
I freeze. “What?”
“We thought we broke you or something,” says Angus.
“Those are the first words you’ve said in over an hour,” answers Charlie. “You’ve just been sitting there staring at nothing.”
My eyes are open painfully wide. “My new life just blew up and it’s looking a whole lot like I was the one who threw the grenade.”
“She should have told you the minute Farmer approached her,” says Angus.
“To be fair though, you were having a good night,” counters Charlie. “Running around helping Rose and making up with everyone. You were the damn prom queen and she didn’t want to ruin your party because she cares about you.”
“She accepted the car.” Angus shakes his head. “What does that tell you?”
“That Audrey and I both told her multiple times to keep it because it was the least of what the company owed me. I don’t give a shit about the car.” I frown. “Why didn’t she tell me about Farmer first thing this morning though?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” drawls Charlie. “Because she’s human and fallible and no one really wants to deliver bad or annoying news to someone they love.”
“She hasn’t said she loves me.” I stare at the river in thought. “Do you think she does?”
My brother scoffs. “It’s way too soon for that sort of thing.”
And his words stop me. Because they’re as wrong as can be. “I knew my feelings for her were big days ago. Just wasn’t ready to do anything about them.”
Angus raises his brows. “You’re serious?”
“Yes.”
“But you clearly don’t trust her and are worried about the blank check or what are we doing here?”
I slump back in the chair. “You and your trust issues and my fucked up past got in my head and…fuck!”
“She wouldn’t have been the first to betray you,” says Angus.
“People have used you in the past.” Charlie squints against the light of the sun. “It kind of comes with the rich and famous territory. But June never seemed overly interested in your money, and if anything she was downright wary of your fame.”
I just grunt.
“Has she asked you to buy her anything?” asks Angus.
“No.”
“I know she’s not posting pictures of you together for likes or follows.”
I shake my head. “It’s not her thing.”
Charlie relaxes back in his chair. “Guess the question is…do you really think she would betray you?”
“He offered her a blank check,” growls Angus. “A blank fucking check.”
“And where the fuck is that check, huh?” I snap back at him.
“Answer me that, brother. Cause I know she hasn’t got it.
What’s she’s got is me promising we’d stick together and then fucking everything up the first chance that comes because I can’t get past the distrust and bullshit left over from other relationships. That’s the truth of it.”
Nothing from Charlie. Not a single word.
“June protected me and cherished me in a way no one else ever did. Those are the facts here. The things I absolutely know for sure.”
Angus’ mouth opens, but it closes again before he can say anything. Like maybe he’s finally hearing me.
And if everything I’ve said here is true then there’s only one inevitable painful conclusion to this conversation… “Oh, man. I just fucked up so badly.”
June
The loud music starts just as we hear the news of Lydia’s disappearance with the awful cad Wickham.
And it sure as hell isn’t the classical music coming from onscreen.
Father Frank is napping in the corner armchair with the half-empty bowl of popcorn resting on his lap.
Baptisms apparently take it out of him. And Grandma just opened a bottle of wine for Rose and Sabrina, when the strains of an electric guitar can be heard coming from out front. Like, really loud.
“Wondered how long it would take him,” says Grandma, going to the front door.
I follow behind more bewildered. “What’s happening?”
“One, two, three,” says a familiar voice outside into what can only be a microphone. “Check.”