Chapter Thirteen
Carmen
I could have just gone down to the lobby.
I was reasonably sure the bar in the restaurant might even still be open.
But when it became clear that my sister wanted to be alone with the new guy who’d become obsessed with her (in just an afternoon—almost a new record), I didn’t take the elevator down.
I crossed the hall.
Then I knocked softly on Rune’s door and told myself that if he didn’t hear me, I would just… go hang in the lobby.
But the door opened… and there he was. In nothing but his damn black boxer briefs.
My skin felt too tight.
A low throb pulsed between my hips, steady as a second heartbeat.
“Maybe this was a bad idea,” I murmured to myself.
“Why’s that?” Rune asked, his arm raising to the doorjamb, the movement making his muscles tense. My mouth went dry.
“I, um, Sofia has company. It was getting clear I was in the way.”
“Won’t be in the way here,” he said, pushing the door wider but not moving from where he was towering over me.
I drew in a steadying breath, which did absolutely nothing to calm the frantic flutter of my heart or ease the pressure on my lower stomach.
Then I squeezed in through the gap in the door, my whole front brushing against him in the process. The lazy smile that he shot at me said it was exactly his intention.
“Didn’t bring the dog?”
“She’s asleep on my bed. I love her, and I know she has love for me, but that’s Sofia’s soul dog.”
“Is she going to California with your sister?”
“Yeah. I mean, Sofia has to find a place first. But she would never settle for an apartment where she can’t have her dog. Don’t,” I said when he winced.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t look sorry for me. I always wanted Sofia’s career to take off. And it was clear during week one that Hammy was more attached to Sof than me. It’s okay. I’m fine.”
“It’s okay to not be fine.”
“But I am,” I objected, making my way to his window.
“You lost your father, your mother, your best friend, and you are going to be saying goodbye to your sister and dog soon. It’s practically one of those old-school country songs.”
That dragged a snort out of me.
“I’m not losing Sof. She’s just moving.”
“And you’ll be alone for the first time in your life.”
“I’m a grown woman. I can live alone.”
“I’m not saying you can’t. I’m saying it’s okay to be unsure about the life change. Or sad about it.”
“God, I’m so, so sick of being sad.” I dropped down on the foot of the bed. “And I feel guilty for saying that because these people deserve to be grieved.”
Rune lowered down next to me. “You’ll never stop grieving them. But that doesn’t mean it has to overtake your whole life. I doubt your mom or your best friend would want you to be unhappy forever.”
I mean, Vicky would have felt like she deserved a lot of grief. That was just the kind of woman she was. But, no, even she wouldn’t want me sobbing over things all the time, over a year later.
And if I were being objective, I knew that I was grieving so hard because our last conversation had been a fight. The worst one we’d ever had.
If I had known it would be the last time I’d speak to her, I would have handled it differently. I never would have taken offense to the things she said and retaliated by saying things myself that I could never take back.
She died—horribly—while thinking her best friend never wanted to see her again.
And, well, there was no one else to grieve her.
So I did.
For myself.
For everyone else.
Hard.
But Rune was right. It couldn’t be a bigger part of my life than my hope or joy.
“It was easier when I was plotting to kill you,” I admitted.
“Because anger is an easier emotion to deal with. It feels less vulnerable than what’s hiding underneath it.”
“I mean, there are layers to my anger. Not all of them are hiding grief.”
“No, I get that. Trust me, I’ve wanted revenge, too. But I’ve been processing the grief and guilt I’ve felt ever since that night.”
“You didn’t pull the trigger. You don’t have anything to feel guilty for.”
“Objectively, I know that. But that doesn’t really matter. Some part of me thinks if I’d just been a little smarter, a bit quicker, I might have been able to save her.”
“We’re quite a pair, huh?” I asked, nudging his shoulder. “Both riddled with guilt, grief, and anger about something neither of us did.”
“Guess it’s a good thing you didn’t pull that trigger, huh?” he asked, nudging me back. “Otherwise, we wouldn’t be able to see that we aren’t as alone as we thought.”
“It’s good to talk about it. Messy and raw and ugly. I… haven’t done that with anyone else.”
“Neither have I. My brother knows some of the basics, but not the details.”
“He wasn’t there that night?”
“No. Thank God, he had some girl over and didn’t want to go. I barely made it out alive. I don’t want to think what could have happened to him. And we left right after. Hung low until I healed up, then headed right to Navesink Bank to prospect at the club.”
“Do you like it? The club?”
“I do. It’s familiar. It’s how I grew up. And what I used to fantasize about as a kid—the partying, the brotherhood, the occasional moments of action. But all with an underlying stability.”
“And you live there?”
“For the time being, yeah. Finally got out of the prospect room and into my own.”
“What’s a prospect room?”
“Basically like a dorm. Bunch of bunk beds and a shared bathroom.”
“Sounds like it would put a crimp in your style when it comes to dating.”
“We figured it out. There are other areas you can sneak off to.”
“Like that glass room?”
“Fucking in the glass room is a rite of passage,” Rune agreed.
“Is it, like, privacy glass?”
“It is not,” he said, and I heard the smile before I turned my head and saw it.
“So, you’re all just exhibitionists.”
“To be fair, we don’t want to be seen by our cousins, uncles, or fathers. It’s just the thrill of possibly being seen that adds a little something, I guess.”
“I’ll take your word for that.”
“Never know. You might be into it.”
“Doubtful. Very doubtful. What are you doing?” I asked when he stood suddenly, grabbing my hand in the process, and dragging me along with him.
“Testing out a theory,” he said, dragging me toward the windows with their open curtains.
He pulled me in front of him, and if you looked at the right angle, you could see the two of us reflected.
“Rune…”
Why was my breath already hitching? My heartbeat fluttering in every pulse point?
I was suddenly achingly aware of every inch of him as he pressed against my back.
His hand snaked around me, pressing into the center of my chest. I just barely resisted the urge to wiggle just an inch or two in either direction just to feel his palm close over one of my breasts.
Luckily for me and the pressure building between my thighs, Rune was all too happy to have his hand slide up and over, closing over one of the swells and squeezing.
My belly tightened even as my body went liquid with need.
“Someone could look up or over,” he said, his breath warm on my ear, making a shiver course through me. “Could see me doing this.” His forefinger and middle fingers parted into a V, letting my hardened nipple move between, dragging a throaty sound out of me.
Goosebumps rose in a rush, spreading across my skin as a delicious little shiver worked its way down my spine.
His hand moved away then, only to slide under my shirt and move upward, closing over my breast without the barrier.
My legs felt hollow. My belly coiled with want.
Objectively, no one could see anything. I was covered still.
But he wasn’t wrong. It added a sort of dizzying recklessness that had each sensation feeling more intense as his thumb circled, as his fingers rolled, pinched, lightly twisted.
Then he moved across my chest to continue the devastating teasing.
Until the ache became acute, too sharp to ignore, too strong to be denied.
Feeling bold, my hand moved up, closing over his, and guiding it downward—under my shorts and panties, then right up against my need.
A rumble moved through Rune, the sound vibrating into me. “Are you this wet for me, or the idea of being seen?” he murmured, his lips teasing the shell of my ear.
I leaned my head back into him and gave him the truth.
“You.”
His teeth nipped my earlobe. “Good answer,” he said as his fingers thrust inside me.
The sound that escaped me was half choked, half moaning as my walls tightened around his fingers and my hips rocked restlessly, begging for more.
Rune’s thumb moved upward, sliding across my clit as his fingers fucked me. Slowly at first. Then harder and faster as my soft whimpers grew into desperate moans.
My pulse was wild, unruly.
Heat flooded every inch of me.
My clothes felt too tight, too scratchy against my sensitive skin.
“Rune,” I whimpered.
I didn’t know what I was asking for: more, him, for the pace to stay exactly the same.
I was feral with the need for release. No thoughts seemed capable of forming, let alone sticking.
“I’m right here,” he murmured, as my hips rocked against him, feeling the hard line of his desire pressing against my butt. “You can let go. I’ve got you.”
And because somehow, somewhere along the way, I did learn to trust him, I did exactly what he said.
I let go.
My body tightened violently as the orgasm spread through me, stealing my breath and my voice as the pleasure overtook me over and over.
The orgasm had barely subsided before I was wrenching away, turning in his arms, grabbing the sides of his face, and pulling him close enough for my lips to seal to his.
There was a second of stunned stillness.
But then his arm was around my lower back, crushing me to him as he took control, lips slanting over mine again and again, stoking the desire he’d just extinguished.
The hard press of him against my belly had my stomach coiling tighter.
I pulled away, my lips on his neck as I reached down and palmed him through his underwear.
A shiver racked his system as a deep groan escaped him at the touch. Emboldened by his reaction, my hand glided up then slipped under the waistband, freeing his hard length, then closing my hand around him.
His breath stuttered and I watched as his eyes went hazy and heavy-lidded as I stroked him. It wasn’t long until his need took over, making him rock into my hand.
Head angled toward me, I lowered down in front of him. The desire turned his eyes molten as I leaned in and sucked him into my mouth.
“Fuck,” he groaned as his hand grabbed the back of my neck.
That was all the encouragement I needed.
I worked him slowly at first, then faster and deeper as his breath went shallow, his hand crushing the back of my neck, his hips rocking himself deeper.
“Fuck, baby,” he groaned, fucking my mouth harder, deeper.
My hands went back, sinking into his ass as his body tensed, his breath catching, then his body jerking as he came down my throat.
He was still in my mouth when there was a knock at the door.
“Open up,” Sofia called.
We both jerked away—Rune yanking his underwear back into place, then quickly fetching a shirt as I got to my feet.
“Coming,” I called, flattening my hair and swiping under my eyes to catch the couple of tears that escaped from how deep I’d taken him. “You okay?” I asked, yanking the door open.
“Yeah. You didn’t need to leave,” Sofia said as she came into the room. “Hey, Rune.” She shot him a big smile.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he said, dropping down on the end of the bed, looking spent.
“You didn’t need to leave, you know,” Sofia said. “I wasn’t going to hook up with someone I barely knew.”
“I wasn’t judging if you did.”
“I know it looked all kinds of intimate. But he was teaching me how to give a massage. While we talked about soap operas. His grandma was obsessed with the one I’m going to be working on, and she got him hooked as a kid, so he had so much information to help me get acquainted with the show.
I mean, it’s not like I have time to watch sixty-something years of the show before I have to move out there. I got a great crash course.”
“That’s awesome.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna meet up with him tomorrow again. He is going to bring me pictures to go with the stories he told me so I can figure out the family tree. Anyway, come back to our room. I mean… unless you’d rather stay here.”
“It’s okay. I’ll come back. It’s our last night at a fancy hotel. We’ve got to soak it up.”
“Well, come on,” Sofia said as I made my way to the door. It took a second to realize she was talking to Rune.
Rune shot me a look but got to his feet.
It was hard to say no to my sister.
So Rune came back to the room with us.
We ordered room service.
Then Sofia forced Hammy to get off my bed and onto hers so Rune could climb in with me as we watched a movie.
I curled myself small, trying to keep my hands to myself.
But at some point, Sofia passed out, mumbling something in her sleep, and Rune’s arm slid around me and curled me into him.
Maybe I should have resisted, should have pulled away, or told him to go back to his own room.
But I didn’t do any of that.
I rested my head on his chest, just over his heart.
Then I let myself be held.
Eventually, I fell asleep in his arms.
And for the first time in ages, I didn’t have bad dreams.