Chapter 54 Dio’s Journal - Entry 339
So much has happened that it feels like it’s been a year when actually it’s only been a busy few days.
I didn’t sleep well last night after Malam disappeared like that.
The inability to achieve even the same level of magic we have been just served to unsettle me further.
My dreams were horrifying, death and destruction featured strongly.
After that night, I knew we needed to make some real progress today. We started the summoning ritual a little early to give us plenty of time with Malam. I think we were all anxious to learn more about what happened.
Other than Reem, who was fussing and fretting about our upcoming record release, I don’t know what the others did to pass the time during the day. I went for a run that ended at the boxing gym. Nothing better than fresh bruises to distract me from my emotions.
When I got back from boxing, I actually took a shower and ate some food. Thanks to the run and the resolution of the prison situation with Chaosta, I had an appetite and felt better after eating.
Then the time arrived, and we went to the ballroom to prepare the magic circle and instruments for his instruction.
Time stretched on, though, and Malam didn’t show.
We checked our ritual and couldn’t find anything wrong.
We were all starting to spiral, but because my mind was clearer again, I was able to be the voice of reason.
As they all spiraled, I brought up asking Chaosta, after all, she is close with him.
We discussed our options and decided that either she might be able to summon him for us or maybe she’d have another idea.
Fem elected himself to speak with her despite Lent wanting to be the one to do it. I could tell Fem wanted an excuse to check on her. I guess I hadn’t registered just how close he’s been watching her since she got out of the treatment center until that moment.
I’m a little surprised Lent isn’t trying harder to see her and that she hasn’t seemed to seek him out since she’s been back. Maybe I misread the relationship between the two of them. Maybe it’s actually Fem who’s more interested in her.
When Fem asked me to go with him, I tried to refuse.
Her anger wasn’t going to be appeased by my wanting to ask her for help.
The fact that I haven’t made any progress in figuring out how to mend what happened between us isn’t something I’m capable of dwelling on at the moment.
Instead, I’m avoiding it. My favorite way of coping, or I guess my second favorite.
Despite my reservations, I found myself following Fem to Chaosta’s room.
Torn between seeing her and not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable, I stayed back.
Fem tried to get me to knock on the door and talk with her, but again, I refused.
I knew enough to understand she wouldn’t handle that well.
Instead, Fem knocked on the door. When I heard how annoyed she sounded, I almost left, but I still wanted to see her myself and make sure she looked all right. I know intimately how painful a broken nose and broken fingers can be.
It took her far too long to come to the door for my comfort, and when she did, I didn’t feel at all reassured.
Something about her body language screamed at my instincts.
I don’t know why. Her nose and the bruising from it didn’t look any worse, and her fingers were still well taped.
I actually felt a little better when she glared at me because it was so normal.
Then I immediately got more concerned when she stepped into Fem’s space and pulled the door closed behind her so he couldn’t see what was in the room.
That rang alarm bells for sure. She’s clearly hiding something.
I’m starting to know Fem well enough that I could see it concerned him as well. He still followed through with our plan and asked her about Malam and if she could help us. I just wanted to push past her and check her room, but I controlled myself, letting him lead in this.
I guess I wasn’t too surprised when she told us she had heard from Malam.
However, hearing that he will be gone for a fortnight distracted me from my worry about her for a minute.
Honestly, we can’t wait a fortnight. We’re already fucked enough.
Before I recognized what was happening, Fem was pulling me into the conversation, just like I told him not to, and of course, she had a big reaction and shut herself back in her room immediately.
After the door slammed in his face, I could tell by the set of his shoulders that he was pissed. He looked ready to march through the door and scold her for being rude. Honestly, that was the last thing on my mind.
He turned to me, and I could tell he was expecting my anger and support for his desire to scold her. I was still staring at the door, trying to keep myself from battering it down, but for a much different reason. At that moment, I wanted to ask if he’d seen her flinch or how pale she was.
I have this feeling now that she’s more hurt than we realize, and suddenly the distance from her is killing me.
Instead, I asked if he wanted to go boxing with me. He froze for a moment and then looked me over as though he thought I might need his medical experience. Then he said yes, so we’re headed there now. Twice in a day can’t hurt, right?