Chapter 60
Gods, it feels like the ground is going to crumble from beneath me. I don’t know if I’ve ever been more surprised or more disappointed in myself.
Chaosta tracked me down several moments ago and said she wanted to talk. I couldn’t even speak. I was so shocked, I think I must have just kind of stared at her. Fuck, I hope she didn’t think I was glaring at her. Maybe that’s why she seemed so irritated.
She said she wanted a fresh start. She said we’d both said things and done things that were inexcusable.
At that moment, I was annoyed with her for telling me I’d done something wrong.
Now I just wish I’d taken the peace offering she was trying to extend to me.
Instead, I fucking stood there with my hands in my fucking pockets trying to control my emotions. I just didn’t want to cause her pain.
I’ve been having so much trouble not staring at her recently, and this was no exception. Her nose is mostly healed, and the bruising around her eyes has almost completely faded. She looked good. Fuck, she looked like water in the desert.
I was trying to remind myself that I can’t have this. She’s not for me. I’ll destroy her. I’ll darken her innocence with the shadows in my black heart. It took everything in me to respond to her simply that I was willing to try a fresh start. Then she nodded at me and stomped out of the room.
I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what to do.