Winter Break #2
“I mean, don’t you want it? Don’t you want me too? Don’t you want to be my wife?” Blake stepped closer, his throat bobbing. “Come to Florida. You can go to law school there.”
“And what if you get called up or traded? Then we’re back to where we started.”
“Well, then you can transfer, or we do long distance, but at least we’ll be married!” Blake threw his head back. “It’s like you continually find reasons to avoid it!”
“Because I can’t!” Kate sucked in a ragged breath. The cold air cut her lungs, nipped her cheeks, but she soldiered on. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
Blake’s big brown eyes, ever obliging, guileless, overflowing with goodness, reached out from a rising flood. “No. No, we can make this work.”
Kate’s bottom lip wobbled. His tears threatened to reinforce the last thread between them. Kate didn’t know if she had the strength to sever it, but it made her more aware of its flimsiness. Blake was a thread. Even if she stayed, it’d never patch the trench.
“I don’t love you like I should. Not enough to get married,” Kate whimpered. “Can’t you see that? I should be ecstatic. Every other woman would be ecstatic. But I’m not. Because I don’t want this. I’m so sorry, Blake.”
“No. Please.” His voice cracked. “I’ll wait. I’ll wait, okay?”
“You don’t need to wait for me. You can’t.” Kate rubbed his shoulders, hated the sobs wrenching from his chest, hated the shame stalking her no matter what she did. “We’d be unhappy. You deserve more than that.”
She hugged him, shut her eyes, and for the first time since the camping trip, willed herself to finish a full prayer. A prayer for Blake. A prayer for forgiveness. A prayer for it to be over.
Blake’s proposal at her family home in the middle of nowhere uncomfortably backfired.
They trudged inside, wet and tearful, passing through the living room of family members who gaped.
Her brothers cleared out of their room to give Blake space and Kate wondered if she should comfort him, not that she was allowed to be alone with him under house rules.
Instead, she plopped onto her twin bed in the room she shared with her younger sister, ignoring Leah’s questions, nearly lashing out at the most pointed: “Why would you say no to him?”
She cried herself to sleep. While their relationship wasn’t enough to sustain her, while she didn’t want to marry Blake, it didn’t mean that the years didn’t matter or that she hadn’t loved him.
Breaking him split her in two, but the alarm bells ceased.
She’d saved him. Now she faced the daunting task of how best to save herself.
The next morning, with her face swollen from crying, she got up for her chores as if nothing happened. But rather than make it to the chicken coop, she was stopped by her parents in the kitchen.
“Take a seat,” Ray said.
Kate swallowed. “Where’s Blake?”
“Matt just drove him to the airport.”
The family Bible awaited ominously in the center of the table.
Kate’s spine stiffened. The setup, the seat between her parents, transformed her from a twenty-one-year-old woman to a ten-year-old girl.
She instinctually scanned her mother’s lap, searching for the infamous wooden spoon.
She’d only met it a few times, and that’s all it took.
A spanking, a slap for disobeying, seared the lesson in skin: Honor thy father and thy mother.
The Hutchins believed spare the rod, spoil the child.
Ray never touched the girls, leaving such liberties to Beth, who, while small and mild in appearance, swung a backhand with abandon.
He did of course, oversee the aftermath, which included sitting at that same kitchen table, reading every line of Romans aloud while he held the offender’s neck above the Bible like one might shove a puppy’s nose in its mess.
“You shouldn’t have done that to him, Katherine,” Ray said.
“I had to be honest.” She didn’t meet his eyes. “I can’t marry him.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to,” she whispered. When she said no to Blake, she knew her parents might not understand, but hadn’t planned for this.
“He’s a good Christian,” Beth said. “God sends you a man like that and you turn away. For what? Explain that to me.”
“I don’t know why I have to say yes to marrying someone I don’t completely love.”
“You will take a husband.” Ray narrowed his brow. “Do you understand me?”
Kate finally looked at him. “What does that mean?”
“You know what I’m saying,” he said. “A husband and children are God’s plan. Yet you work so hard to turn away from it. Maybe we’ve let you run too far. It’s my fault.”
“It’s not anyone’s fault. It’s my choice. I wasn’t born to just serve a husband.”
“Does this have something to do with our talk in the truck?” Ray asked.
Kate shrank back. “No. No, of course not.”
“Then why did you say no to him?”
“Because I don’t want it! Doesn’t that count for something? Are you going to force me into a marriage I don’t want?”
“I will if I have to,” Ray said. “Especially when you’re not thinking clearly. When something’s taken hold of your mind.”
She scoffed. “What’s taken hold? Independent thought?”
Beth slapped her so hard that her vision flashed white.
Her eyes prickled as she clutched her cheek.
Kate slowly rotated her head back to bear the cross of her mother’s glare.
Beth’s thin lips stitched into a line, her jaw went taut, her gaze empty.
A look like that almost convinced Kate of what she always suspected.
Her mother truly didn’t like her. Another slap.
Same cheek. And Kate, while a woman, while stronger now, didn’t think to move.
She didn’t bring her head up this time. Didn’t dare give her a third chance to strike her.
“You will fix this with Blake,” Ray said. “I’ll call him myself. You’ll tell him you made a mistake.”
“No, I won’t,” she said. Standing up for herself wouldn’t end well, but she wouldn’t go back on her decision. Not even if it meant a thousand more backhands.
“Then you won’t go back to school,” Beth said. “No more softball. No law school.”
“You can’t keep me from there!” Kate shouted. “I have a scholarship. I have my own life. And it’s mine to choose!”
“This is my house.” Ray launched up, chair legs scraping the floorboards.
He hovered with an indignation she’d never witnessed.
Kate shuddered. Ray had never touched the girls, but she now feared he might make an exception.
“We’ve called Pastor Nolan and the elders.
They’ve agreed to meet with us tonight. We’ll discuss it with them. ”
Kate bolted before they could stop her and charged for the back door.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Beth asked.
“Taking care of the chickens.” Kate breathed shallowly, shaking but standing, wounded but walking on her own accord. The door slammed shut behind her as she crossed the snowy field and plotted an escape.
Before winter break, Abby and Kate had hatched a plan to set up Isla and Luca.
It’d been in the works for months. Kate brought up Isla every so often while she interned in Luca’s office, relayed his reactions to Abby, who would come up with something for Kate to mention next.
It was a childish game, but an innocent distraction from their own complicated relationship.
After deciding that Luca’s flicker whenever Kate mentioned Isla and his frequent inquiries about her indicated his interest, they put a final plan into action.
Kate invited Luca to speak to the Pre-Law Society and asked Isla to do the same.
Abby couldn’t resist showing up for the big reveal. When Isla asked why she was going to the meeting, Abby claimed she needed to get a book from Kate. A suspicious excuse, but it didn’t matter. The minute Isla spotted Luca, her world stopped.
Luca grinned so big that Abby did too, even though it wasn’t for her.
While Isla scolded them later, she accepted Luca’s embrace and held on for much longer than necessary.
It reminded Abby of the hugs she shared with Kate.
The ones after they returned to each other, clutching on like they’d been lost.
Despite having no affiliation with the Pre-Law Society, Abby stuck around.
She observed from the back as Kate introduced the guest speakers, moderated the conversation, updated the club on logistics.
Every so often her gaze drifted to Abby, and she would adorably stutter, blush, and clear her throat before continuing.
“I can’t believe you stayed.” Kate joined her when it ended.
“I couldn’t miss that.” Abby nodded at Isla and Luca, who spoke closely, as if the students in the room didn’t exist.
Kate nudged her shoulder. “Between these two, and Mick and Haley, I think we’re officially matchmakers.”
“Let’s do me next.” Abby chuckled.
Kate didn’t smile. “I don’t think I could stand that.”
“What? Don’t you want me to be happy?” Abby raised an eyebrow.
“Of course.” Kate’s gaze electrified her. “That’s all I want for you.”
The tiny crumb alluding to enduring desire revived Abby, who’d spent the last month on her best behavior.
She curbed the flirtation, stares, and even the time she spent with Kate to safeguard their friendship.
She hated the fear that flashed across her face during the camping trip, even more than she hated that they never shared that kiss.
But that night, Abby’s stomach swooped, and what she’d spent weeks denying resurfaced with greater power—she still wanted Kate.
She spent winter break much like the year before. Christmas with Isla. A couple days at the McMechan house. She texted Kate sporadically, disappointed by the terse responses. Perhaps she read it wrong again. Perhaps they really weren’t going any further.