Chapter 13
Thirteen
Mabel
Settling Ellie into bed early, I smile down at my daughter who is wearing her favourite pink bow night dress, wrapped up in one of her many blankets that she insists on keeping, no matter how ratty they’re becoming through the years.
“I’m so excited for the morning Mama,” she says with a glint in her eye. Ellie may be excited, but I’m not.
I still haven’t spoken properly to my brother about Maverick. I still can’t believe it that he went behind my back and offered him that job. Especially after watching me fall apart over the years since he left. I’ll put on a fake smile for my daughter. She doesn’t need to know.
“Me too, Ellie-Belly. Go right to sleep, we need to be out by six, sharp!” I say, placing yet another good night kiss on her forehead.
“I will do Mama, I love you,” she says with a yawn.
“I love you too, sugar,” I say, turning off her light and leaving the door slightly ajar.
I place my head on the wall next to her bedroom and let out a quiet sigh.
Not only am I not speaking to my brother, but I’m also about to go out with the herd, with the man who broke my heart.
I have to be nice to him in front of my daughter, because her young mind is none the wiser, nor needs to know about it.
Seeing her speaking to him yesterday was certainly something I never banked on happening. I asked Jake years ago to not tell his brother anything about my life.
It was a way of coping for me and for me to try and let go. I can’t say it worked; I never was able to let go of him.
Ellie’s deeply amused by the fact her uncle has a brother; one who she’d never heard of. I tried my best to explain that no; Maverick is not her uncle and no, did in fact not live here, he lived far away. She may be nine, but that girl certainly isn’t stupid. I reckon she can sense the tension.
Moving my head away from the wall, I walk down towards my kitchen and eye up the bottle of wine I left there. I know I shouldn’t, as I’m up early and have a very long day ahead of me tomorrow, but my days only seem to get more trying.
I spent the weekend avoiding my family, spending time with Ellie, even skipped church this morning pretending illness.
We took my horse, Dusty and Ellie’s horse, Shadow out today, having a warmup for tomorrow. I done my best to teach Ellie how to lasso and the girl started to pick it up as the day went on. No harm in some early practice.
I don’t want to see Colter, neither do I want the unnecessary fussing from my parents at my demons returning to haunt me.
I decide on the latter and pour a glass of white as my phone buzzes against the island.
Jake; Out ya come, sweet cheeks. ;)
I automatically sag in relief.
Someone who I always want to talk too.
Sliding the back door Jake’s in his usual spot on the porch, whiskey in hand.
“Little birdie tells me you’re avoiding everyone,” he says, taking a sip of his drink.
I take a seat on my swing, holding my wine glass tightly to my chest.
“Y’all need to learn to mind ya business and stop listening to that damn bird.” I wink at him, trying to use comedy to avoid the topic.
He laughs, bringing a hand up to scratch his beard. “How you doing, honey?” He offers me a tender look, and I shift in my swing.
“Not great,” I shrug out. Jake leans over and squeezes my knee.
“I know, it can’t be easy to see him back,” he says as he rubs my knee.
I offer him a slight smile. No, it’s not easy. I feel heartbroken all over again. At the dream we lost, the audacity of him and most importantly that he’s within reach again, but everything has changed, and I can’t touch him, no matter how much the pull wills me too.
“I’m sorry about Friday. I didn’t know he was going to sing that.” Jake looks at me with a solemn look.
I stare down deep into my wine, before turning my attention out into the distance. The sun is setting, and the land is a glow of orange.
“It’s okay-” I start, remembering the embarrassment. I wrap my hands around my arms.
“I don’t know what’s worse, Jake? Him being back, or the fact my brother offered him a job.” I feel the tears well up behind my eyes. I never have to pretend with Jake, like I never have to with my girls.
“I’m sorry, honey, I didn’t know about that. I left before he did that.” he shrugs at me, taking another sip of his whiskey.
I nod back, still trying to fight back the lump I have in my throat. I take the sleeve of my cardigan and use it to wipe away a tear that escapes.
“I have to go out with him and the herd tomorrow, I promised Ellie.” I start.
“Hey-” He stops me, and I look up at him. “This is your ranch; you will hold your head up high and have fun with your daughter,” Jake says as he leans forward. “I’ll have a word with him,” he finishes.
“You haven’t spoken to him?” I look at him confused as to why he hasn’t seen him.
“Honey, last time I saw him was Friday when I left the bar, only just found out from your brother, I came straight over here.” He lifts his hands up, glass still in his right.
I know Jake works long hours at the Bennett’s. Only time he manages to escape is on Friday’s or when he makes it over here. I pull my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.
“He spoke to Ellie.” I look back at Jake, and his eyes shoot straight in my direction. “And?” he asks.
I explain to Jake what I saw yesterday after Maverick had been in the office and as I came out to leave founding him on eye level with my daughter.
“I never told him anything about you,” Jake says after I finish explaining.
“I know, sugar, thank you.” I offer him a warm smile before taking another gulp of wine.
“He always ask’s though.” his eyes meet mine.
Did that surprise me that he asks about me? Yes and no. Yes, because of the obviously and no, because I guess I hoped he did think about me, about us and what should have been.
“What did you say?” I ask.
“Same as always; ‘Leave it be’.”
It’s been a while since I confided in Jake about his brother. There was no need anymore, that was up until two days ago when he showed up at my door.
“Do you want me out with you tomorrow?” He asks and my face melts at his offer. This is why I love Jake, always thinking of others.
“No, sugar, you have your own work to be getting on with. Besides like you say, I’ll have fun with my daughter.”
That’s if I don’t murder my brother or Maverick first.
“Anyway, me and Ellie are riding in later, so we can leave whenever we like. Now Colter has his best buddy back, he won’t need us.” Jake looks at me with an eyebrow raised as I spit my childish venom in the hopes it’ll help make me feel better.
It doesn’t.
“Sorry,” I say. I don’t mean to put Jake in this position.
He laughs. “Hey, no judgement from me. They’re both dicks in my book.” I love it when he agrees with me to make me feel better.
I finish my glass of wine and wipe my mouth with the same patch of my cardigan. Clever enough to bring the bottle out with me to pour another.
Jake looks at me like he doesn’t know what to say to me.
“I’ll be fine, honey, got to woman up!” I exclaim. He gives me the side eye. “It’s man up-” he corrects.
“I say woman up, men cry when they have the flu,” I laugh, pulling my glass to my lips.
“Hey, man-flu is a real thing!” He looks offended at my comment.
“Uh, huh, sure thing, honey. You keep telling yourself that.” I take a sip. He laughs at me.
“Thank you.” I smile at him, looking towards my thumbs held tight on the stem.
“What for?” He asks and I look up to him. “Being there, even though it’s your brother we talk about.” I sip my wine, once again.
“Listen, he may be my brother but Mabe’s, you will always be my sister.” He looks at me.
Man, this kid does stuff to my heart strings.
I gulp down my wine and stand out of my swing. I pick up my bottle of wine from the table and walk over to him.
“Love you,” I say, planting a kiss on his cheek.
“Love you right back, girl,” he says, returning the kiss to mine.
“I’m heading to bed, wish me luck.” I wink at him, and I head over towards the sliding doors.
“You’re gonna’ need it, honey,” he laughs before taking his glass and standing up.
I walk back into my house, lock the sliding door behind me and place both glass and bottle on the island.
Lord, help me.