Chapter 29
Twenty-nine
Mabel
Leaning my head back, I take in a deep breath and completely take in my surroundings. I feel at peace.
Finally.
After all these years.
As I look out at my family’s land and the beauty that always looks straight back at me, I check my phone yet again.
I took the plunge and text Maverick on his boys night out, he gave me his number after our night in the field, and we’ve been talking on and off when I don’t see him, I try and keep a little distance as I don’t want to smother him.
I’m still not a hundred percent sure what is going on with us, but anytime we’re alone around the ranch he’ll kiss me like he always would.
Asking me and Ellie on the date was definitely on some form of right direction with us.
Seeing that he’s not replied to my message, I place my phone back down on the table and pick my book back up, doing my best to concentrate on the page and not the underlying feeling of panic that he hasn’t replied to me yet.
Taking a sip of my wine as I read the same sentence for the third time, I place my bookmark to save my page and put the book back down.
There’s no point in attempting to read it.
The sun has long set and the star’s start to shine across the clear night.
Checking my phone yet again and seeing no message back I let out a huff. Maybe I should just go to bed and leave him to the boys night?
Ellie decided she wanted to stay over at the big house tonight so I’m home alone and my mind is going a million miles an hour.
I decide that it’s the better option leaning forward to stand up, taking my book and tightly tucking it under my arm. That’s when I hear the gravel moving and a truck coming towards the ranch.
My head snaps in the direction of the noise and sure enough I see a truck’s headlights lighting up the ranch’s long drive, coming straight towards me.
I squint my eyes to try and see whose truck it is. It won’t be my brother coming home as he has the other entrance to the property closer to his house. And as far as I’m aware, he has no reason to come in this way tonight.
Placing my book back down on the table, I walk to the edge of my porch in order to get a better look. The truck comes into better view as the flood lights shine off of the black ranger.
Maverick’s truck.
I let out a shaky breath through a smile that’s now creeping across my face at the sight of the truck.
That’s why he didn’t reply to my message.
I start to laugh to myself about how ridiculous I was for thinking he was ignoring me. Although you can’t blame me, that’s how it started last time.
Maverick pulls in to park the truck right outside my house and I stay put in the position I’m standing in on my porch, waiting for him to come to me.
Maverick places the truck into park and then swings open the driver’s door, placing his hat back onto his head.
I watch his sheepish grin, before he throws a wink my way and I let out another laugh, holding onto the bannisters of my porch.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, still watching Maverick make his way up the steps and onto my porch.
“You said you missed me?” He asks giving me a concerned look. I feel my cheeks burn. “I did,” I shrug out.
“Well, here I am,” he says, reaching me, pulling his arm around my waist and grabs me close to him, which I gladly follow his lead.
When I text him it, did I mean it? Of course.
Did I expect him to show up? Absolutely fucking not.
I take Maverick’s hand and lead him to my sitting area on my porch. “Beer?” I ask him as he takes a seat. “Please,” he replies.
I walk through the sliding doors and over to my fridge to get him a beer, I tend to keep my fridge stocked in case one of the boys are here.
That and whiskey.
I walk back outside, hand Maverick the beer and retake my seat on my favourite swing, pulling my right leg up to rest my chin on.
“Ellie in bed?” he asks, taking a swig.
“She’s actually over the big house tonight,” I point over towards the house.
“Ahh, home alone then?” He throws another wink back at me and I let out a laugh.
“Home alone indeed,” I take another sip of my wine, trying to relax the fire that started in my belly the moment I saw Maverick’s truck pulling up to my house.
We sit in silence, looking at each other for a few minutes before Maverick opens his mouth to speak, but then shuts it again.
“Oh no you don’t, what’s on your mind, Cowboy?” I push. We’re beyond the point of not speaking to each other freely.
He takes his hat off and places it upside down on my table. “Why the house, Firefly?” It was almost a whisper.
I let my shoulders sag, I know what he means. He’s asking me why I built our house.
“When you left, I tried so hard holding out hope you’d come back-” I start before pausing at my words, trying so hard to find them.
I watch Maverick lean forward, listening to every word I am about to say to him. “In the beginning I thought something had happened to you, but Kay told me that you were alive, but you were refusing to talk to anyone,” I pause again, should I be telling him this?
Fuck it.
He needed to know.
“So that brought me some comfort you know?” I shrug. “Knowing that you were alive.” I look to Maverick who has his eyes firmly on me, his face showing that pain I saw when he came back.
“The weeks turned to months, and then by the time I knew it three years had gone by-” I pause, taking another sip of my drink.
“And then I found out I was pregnant, and yet again my world was turned upside down. You were gone, my future was so different from what I had always imagine it to be,” I say, trying so hard to fight the lump that was forming in my throat.
“That’s when Mama and Daddy started pushing me to build out to the East, like we always planned.” I offer him a light smile, and I watch the tear fall down his cheek.
I decide to take his hand, because watching him in this moment, eyes full of heart ache and pain, I couldn’t not try and comfort him in any small way I can.
I can smell the guilt coming off him from a mile away.
He takes my hand and starts to run his thumb along the inside of it. “But I couldn’t do it, it was too painful, so I compromised to the spot where we are sitting now.” I look around my beautiful home.
“But I couldn’t let the dream go fully,” I slightly smile at him, trying to offer some more comfort even though it was me bearing my soul.
“So, you built our house?” he asks.
I nod. “So, I built our house. And I named my daughter Ellie, because I couldn’t let go,” I pause again, stopping myself from the word vomit consisting of desperation and purely pathetic intentions.
“I wanted some control back into my life when my dreams came tumbling down.” I watch him again, more tears falling silently down his face.
“I’m so sorry,” is all he manages out behind his silent tears. I could only but nod at his apology.
But now was my turn to ask why.
I let myself breathe a deep breath before looking back into his emerald, green eyes and on the exhale I ask. “Why did you do it?”
Silence.
I watch the wheels turning in his head for what feels like a small eternity, my eyes never moving away from his, my body staying as still as it possibly could, waiting for something.
Anything.
His mouth opens and closes so many times, tears completely staining his face as I watch him, completely unable to find the words.
My heart and my head are fighting a losing battle; my heart can’t watch him in pain but to truly move on I need to know why.
However, looking at his broken structure, my hearts going to win today.
“Mav?” I ask in a hushed tone.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he sobs out.
How can you watch the man you love suffer so much that he isn’t even hiding the fact he’s letting the tears fall?
I decide to take the plunge, standing up from my seat, I move his hands from his knees and place them around my waist as I lower myself onto his lap; I wrap my arms tightly around his neck.
I feel his arms tighten around me as he buries his face into my collarbone, his breathing rapid and fast.
“It’s okay-” I soothe. “You don’t have to tell me today.” I feel my fingers wrapped up in his hair, doing my best to comfort him.
Maverick lets in a breath, sniffing back his tears before clearing his throat and moving his face away from my chest.
“I’m sorry, Firefly,” he chokes out.
“Hey, it’s okay,” I promise him, because it is. “I know you’ll tell me when you’re ready.” I wipe my thumb over Maverick’s cheek to remove the tear that’s fallen.
“Just answer me this-” I say, feeling him stiffen below me. “Was it my fault?” I ask.
“No baby, it wasn’t.” Is all he could manage out in-between a choked sob.
I feel Mavericks breathing slowly return back to normal. I know what this is. I suffer with them as well.
Ever since he left.
“Mav, how long have you been having panic attacks?” I ask instead, hoping this question would be easier for him to answer.