Chapter 38
Thirty-eight
Mabel
My eyes flitter open as I see the sun shining once again through the bedroom windows.
My head bangs and my heart aches.
The betrayal running deep through my veins.
Lots of things have gone through my mind since Saturday, but the main one being; how could I have been so fucking stupid?
Feeling a small arm wrap around my waist, I look over my shoulder and mixed up in an array of blankets and pillows, Ellie pops her head out and snuggles closer into me. I place my hand on hers and use my thumb to gently stroke her arm.
“Morning, Mama,” she smiles at me, rubbing some sleep from her eye. “Morning, baby girl,” I yawn.
I open my eyes further, taking in the surroundings of my childhood bedroom, now turned into Ellie’s room at the big house.
I’ve been held up in here since Saturday, it’s now Thursday and the struggle of getting out of bed is becoming harder as the days go on.
I can’t go back to my house, it reminds me too much of why I built it, in the mindset of it bringing me some comfort over Maverick’s disappearance. At the hope that one day, he would come back.
When I walked away on Saturday, yes, I found out the reason why he left, but I’m still so confused as to why he believed them. I need to accept that I won’t see the pictures in question, because it was thirteen years ago, doubtful they were kept by anyone.
Colter isn’t speaking to anyone; the only time I’ve seen my brother was on Monday as I watched him rip the bunkhouse apart to remove any form of that man from our ranch. Daddy’s bruise on his cheek is going down; and no one in Springfield has seen Jimmy since, well that’s what mama told me.
Hopefully, he’ll be gone for good.
I don’t know why Jimmy supposedly has feelings for me, I’ve only ever seen him as someone who lived in our little town, and then when my dad took him on, someone who just worked for my family.
Knowing that he’s smiled at me, through all the pain he knows he caused me, sends shivers down my spine.
My lips have been scrubbed to remove his skin from mine.
Ellie’s cheek grazes my ear, and I turn my body fully to face her. “How was your sleep?” I ask her, small grin forming on my face, the only grin I’ve been able to make, only being able to do it looking at the only pure thing that I’ve had in my life for a long time.
“Really good, I had a dream about the fair.” My grin evaporates, like it wasn’t there to begin with.
Ellie had an amazing day Saturday, however she knows that whatever happened when mama took her for ice-cream, something went down; especially with me.
“Mama, why are you so sad?” she asks and I hold in a deep breath, doing my best to not involve her, she doesn’t need to know about certain things; she may act wiser than her years, but she is only nine.
“I’m okay darlin’,” I pause, trying to think of the right words. “Sometimes adults just get sad,” I will my grin to return, even if it’s just to offer her some comfort that her mom will be okay in the end.
“Like Uncle Colter?” she asks, concerned by my brothers actions this week, but her question causes my grin to turn into a full smile.
“Yes, baby, like Uncle Colter,” I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her just a little tighter at her innocence; the one I’ve spent years trying to protect.
Ellie squeezes back into me. Having her cuddled up to me in bed has helped with the bitter sting of loneliness that finds me during the night, my mind wandering back to the night that Maverick spent in my bed.
Should have been our bed now.
I was so hoping he would have called it ours.
“Come on, girly, let’s get up, I’ve got to get into the office today. I think I’ve done enough hiding don’t you?” I say to my daughter as I rub my nose against hers, causing a beautiful childish giggle to leave her mouth.
The purest sound sometimes in this cold shitty world.
****
Sitting back in my office chair, I open up my laptop and head straight towards my emails; forty-seven to be exact, unopened, from God knows who.
Clicking onto the email from one of our many customers, reordering their yearly supply of beef, I hear the door to my office swing open and bang on the external wood, my head snaps automatically in the direction.
Colter stomps in, cowboy boots hard against the floor and hard against the atmosphere that’s now been created by his presence.
I watch him as he stomps over towards my mini fridge, take out my bottle of whiskey alongside a glass. I keep my structure still as he makes enough noise to wake somebody from the dead and finally sits in the chair opposite mine.
I stay silent, as he pours himself a glass, refusing to look away from him; yet he’s decided to refuse to look at me.
“You okay, honeybee?” I snicker at his hated nickname I gave him years ago, but my brother doesn’t look up from his glass.
“Colt? Can I do anything for you?” I ask him again, urging him to speak to me.
He swirls the liquor around in his glass, looking at it with such concentration, I almost think it’s about to start moving on his own.
“You’ve stolen my hiding spot,” he finally answers me, and I breathe out a sigh of relief.
“Sorry,” I shrug at him, grin forming at his ridiculous notion. This is my office after all.
Deciding to let him come to me, I divert my eyes back to my laptop and begin tapping away at the keyboard, finally doing some much needed work after playing hooky all week; well, more like drowning in my own shit.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you in here,” he offers me and I stop typing to give him my full attention.
“No?” I question.
“No.” he confirms.
Man of many words my brother.
The atmosphere between us becoming tighter as the minutes etch on, the topic of conversation at the tip of my tongue. My eyes drift in between my laptop screen and my brother, who has drunk his glass of whiskey and poured another.
“Colt?” I question but before the conversation leaves my mouth my brother shuts me down. “I haven’t spoken to him,” this time his eyes finally meet mine.
“I wasn’t going to-” I start but realise there’s no hope in trying to fight my brother on this.
“Why haven’t you? He’s been here, right?” I double throw out the questions as I watch his annoyance show.
“Mabel,” he says, almost higher than a whisper and as if on autopilot I close my mouth and get ready to listen to him. “I haven’t seen him, I placed him on barn duty,” he says, grip tight around his glass, I nod back at his admission.
“Sucks to be him,” I joke, throwing my brother a wink that causes an almost smirk from his stern look, which causes my smile to become a little brighter.
Just like he always knows how to make it.
“I’m sorry,” I offer to him, causing his eyes to lock sharply onto mine and the annoyance growing more in his frown lines.
“The fuck you got the be sorry for?” he scoffs and I shrug, not quite knowing what to say to him.
“I fell back in-love with him,” my admission comes at a cost, the lump forming once again in my throat.
Colter shakes his head in disbelief. “We all knew as soon as he eventually walked back into this town, that you were going to fall back in love with him, sis’.” This time he takes his hat off, places it on my desk and wipes his brow.
A tear slides down my cheek, escaping after I willed it silently to myself not to. “I guess I’m a bit predictable, huh?” I ask, wiping the stray tear away.
Colter laughs hard at my admission for my own stupidity when it has always come down to Maverick Bennett. “No, Mabes, you both are. I saw it in his face, especially when he let me socker punch him twice.” And now I’m laughing.
“Forgot you done that.” I admit.
That was the night he came home, the night where he came to the bar and sung on the stage with Jake, even then trying to tell me that he still loves me, but I was in too much shock to see it then; so, I left and my brother hit him, twice.
“Couldn’t let him rock up without getting one in,” he smirks at me. My brother might be hardheaded and extremely stubborn, but if he loves you; he’ll protect you with his life.
“You know I love you right,” I wink at him, and I see his eyes roll. “Yeah, I know, Mabes.”
Colter finishes his drink, stands from his seat and takes my whiskey bottle, placing it back into my mini fridge like it never left. He stomps back over to me, takes his Cowboy hat and nestles it fittingly back onto his head, again like it never left.
Reaching the door, Colter turns his head and looks back at me.
“Whatever you decide to do, Mabes, forgive him or don’t; I’ll always have your back.
” and without even an opportunity to respond, my brother stomps out the door wrestling with his wranglers and heads down the path leading towards the main house.
I turn my chair back towards my desk, my legs nestled back in the gap, emails still hovering over my head, but I don’t see them. All I see is Mavericks horrified face as he explained to me, finally, why he left.
Can I forgive him? Can I move past this?
Is he right for me? For Ellie?
For all of us back in Springfield, or is it better if he leaves again?
Only God himself knows, cause I sure as shit don’t, well not anymore.