Chapter 20
EVERLY
Two Months Later
I wake up to Rush's arm around my waist and sunlight streaming through the windows.
We're at my flat. We've been spending most nights here because it's quieter than the clubhouse.
Rush is still asleep, his face relaxed in a way it never is when he's awake.
I turn carefully in his arms and just look at him.
It’s been two months since my dad flew out here and confronted him, two months since things shifted from uncertain to solid.
We're good now, really good. Rush has stopped waiting for me to leave, stopped bracing for impact every time things get hard, and I've stopped waiting for him to run. We've found our rhythm, our normal.
He kisses me goodbye every morning before heading to the clubhouse, I text him updates from the lab, we have dinner together most nights. It's domestic and comfortable and exactly what I wanted.
His eyes open and he smiles when he sees me watching him.
"Morning," he says, his voice rough with sleep.
"Morning."
"You're staring."
"You're worth staring at."
He pulls me closer and kisses me, slow and lazy.
"What time is it?" he asks.
"Early. You don't have to be at the clubhouse for another hour."
"Good, then I'm staying right here."
We lie there for a while just being close, his hand tracing patterns on my back.
"I love you," he says quietly.
"I love you too."
"Even when I hog the blankets?"
"Especially when you hog the blankets."
He kisses my forehead. "I need to shower and head out. Pyro wants to talk about something."
"Okay."
He gets up and I watch him walk to the bathroom, listen to the water start.
Then the nausea hits. It comes out of nowhere, sudden and overwhelming. I barely make it to the kitchen sink before I'm throwing up.
This is the fifth time this week.
At first, I thought it was food poisoning, then stress from work, maybe the flu, but it's always in the morning and it passes after an hour or so.
I rinse my mouth and lean against the counter. My hands are shaking. Rush comes out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist.
"You okay?" he asks.
"Yeah, just felt sick for a second."
"You've been sick a lot lately."
"It's probably just a bug."
He walks over and touches my forehead. "You don't feel warm."
"I'm fine, really."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. Go to work. I'll see you tonight."
He studies me for a second, then kisses my temple. "Call me if you need anything."
"I will."
He gets dressed and leaves, and I stand there in my kitchen trying to ignore the quiet panic building in my chest.
I'm at the clubhouse that afternoon helping Gráinne organize a birthday party for one of the kids.
We're going through decorations when I have to excuse myself and rush to the bathroom.
When I come back, Gráinne is watching me with concern.
"You okay?" she asks.
"Yeah, just felt sick again."
"Again? How long has this been happening?"
"About a week."
"Just in the mornings?"
"Mostly, but sometimes in the afternoon too."
She sets down the streamers she's holding. "Everly, when was your last period?"
The question makes me freeze.
"I don't know. A while ago."
"How long is a while?"
I think about it, really think about it. "Six weeks, maybe seven."
"And you've been throwing up every morning for a week?"
"It's probably just the flu."
"Or you're pregnant."
The word lands like a bomb.
"That's ridiculous," I say automatically.
"Is it? You're sexually active, you've missed your period, you're throwing up every morning."
"It can't be that."
"Everly, when's the last time you and Rush used protection?"
I think about it and my stomach drops. We've been careful most of the time, but there were a few nights where we got carried away and didn't use anything.
"Fuck," I whisper.
"Yeah," Gráinne says gently. "You should take a test."
"I can't be pregnant."
"You won't know until you take a test."
"Rush and I have only been together for a few months."
"That's all it takes, love."
I sit down because my legs won't hold me. "What if I am?"
"Then you figure it out, but you need to know first."
"I'm not ready for this."
"Nobody's ever ready, but that doesn't mean it's not happening."
She's right and I know it.
"Will you come with me?" I ask. "To buy the test?"
"Of course."
We go to a pharmacy across town where nobody from the club will see us.
I stand in the aisle staring at the pregnancy tests like they're going to bite me.
"Which one?" I ask.
"Just pick one. They all work the same."
I grab two different brands and we go to the counter. The cashier doesn't even blink, just scans them and bags them up.
We go back to Gráinne's place and I lock myself in her bathroom.
My hands are shaking as I open the first test. I read the instructions three times even though they're simple. Pee on the stick, wait three minutes, check the result. I take the test and set it on the counter, then I sit on the edge of the bathtub and stare at my phone.
The three minutes feel like an eternity.
I think about Rush, about how solid we've been, about how good things are, and I think about how this could change everything. We've never talked about kids, never even mentioned the possibility. What if he doesn't want them? What if this is too much too fast? What if he runs?
My phone timer goes off and I force myself to look at the test.
Two pink lines.
Positive.
I take the second test just to be sure, wait another three minutes.
Positive again.
I sit there staring at the two tests and I can't breathe.
I'm pregnant.
There's a baby growing inside me, Rush's baby. My hand goes to my stomach automatically, a protective gesture I didn't plan.
"Everly?" Gráinne calls through the door. "You okay?"
I open the door and show her the tests.
Her face lights up. "Oh my God."
"Yeah."
"How do you feel?"
"Terrified."
She pulls me into a hug. "It's going to be okay."
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I do. Rush loves you and you love him. You'll figure this out."
"What if he doesn't want kids?"
"Then you talk about it, but, Everly, he's not going to leave you over this."
"You don't know that either."
"I know Rush, and I know he's not the kind of man who runs when things get hard."
I want to believe her but the fear is overwhelming.
"I need time to process this before I tell him," I say.
"Okay. Take the time you need."
"You can't tell anyone."
"I won't, I promise."
We go back to her living room and I sit on her couch feeling numb. Pregnant. I'm pregnant with Rush's baby and I have no idea how he's going to react.
We're walking through town later that afternoon when we run into Ciara. She's coming out of a coffee shop and she smiles when she sees us.
"Hey," she says. "What are you two up to?"
"Just running errands," Gráinne says.
"Fun. I was just grabbing coffee. Do you guys want to join?"
"We can't," I say quickly. "We have to get back."
"Oh, okay. Another time then."
She walks away and I think we're clear.
But then Gráinne says quietly, "You should tell Rush soon, before you start showing."
I glance back. Ciara's stopped about twenty feet away. She's on her phone but her head turns slightly. Like she heard.
"Did she hear that?" I whisper.
"I don't think so. She's too far away."
But I saw the way she glanced over, the way her expression shifted for just a second.
"Gráinne, I think she heard."
"You're overthinking it."
"Am I? Because she just looked right at us."
"Everly, there's no way she heard me. And even if she did, she doesn't know what we're talking about."
I want to believe her, but unease settles in my chest. Ciara's been quieter lately, less obvious with her moves, but she's still watching, still waiting for an opening, and if she knows I'm pregnant before Rush does, that's a weapon she'll use.
That evening at the clubhouse, I'm already on edge. I haven't told Rush yet. I'm trying to find the right moment but every time I think about saying the words, I panic. I'm in the hallway near the bathrooms when Ciara appears.
"Hey Everly," she says with a smile. "Can we talk for a second?"
"I'm kind of busy."
"It'll just take a minute, I promise."
She leads me outside to the smoking area even though neither of us smoke.
"What's up?" I ask.
She leans against the wall and her expression shifts, becomes concerned.
"I heard something today and I wanted to check in with you about it."
My stomach drops. "What did you hear?"
"Are you pregnant?"
The question hits like a slap. "How did you—"
"I overheard you and Gráinne earlier. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop but I heard her mention it."
Fuck.
"It's none of your business," I say.
"You're right, it's not. But, Everly, I'm worried about you."
"Why?"
"Because Rush has told me multiple times that he never wants kids."
The words make my blood run cold. "What?"
"I'm sorry. I thought you knew. He's always been really clear about it, says he can't stand the idea of being tied down like that."
"Rush never said that to me."
"Maybe he didn't want to upset you, but he's said it to me more than once. He despises women who trap men into fatherhood."
The words land like knives.
"I'm not trapping him."
"I know you're not. I'm just saying he might not see it that way. And Everly, I don't want to see you get hurt."
"You don't know what you're talking about."
"I'm just trying to help. Rush hates being controlled and a baby is the ultimate control. If you tell him you're pregnant, he's going to feel trapped."
"Stop."
"I'm sorry. I know this is hard to hear but you need to know what you're walking into."
"Ciara, I need you to leave me alone."
"Okay. I just wanted to warn you. I care about you and I care about Rush. I don't want to see this blow up."
She walks away and I stand there shaking. Did Rush really say that, that he never wants kids? That he despises women who trap men? I think back through every conversation we've had and I can't remember him ever mentioning children.
Not once.
What if Ciara's right? What if I tell him I'm pregnant and he sees it as a trap? What if he runs?
I can't breathe. I need to get out of here.
I grab my bag and leave without saying goodbye to anyone.
I'm at my flat when Rush shows up around nine.
I've been crying on and off for the last hour. My eyes are red and my chest hurts.
"Hey," he says when I open the door. "You left the clubhouse without telling me. I was worried."
"Sorry, I just needed to be alone."
He walks inside and studies me. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Everly, you've been crying. What happened?"
I want to tell him, want to just say the words and get it over with.
But Ciara's voice is in my head and I can't shake it.
"Did you ever say you never wanted kids?" I ask.
The question clearly blindsides him. "What?"
"Did you say that? That you never want children?"
"Where is this coming from?"
"Just answer the question."
"I don't know, maybe? I've never really thought about it."
My chest tightens. "Did you say you despise women who trap men into being fathers?"
His face falls, and I watch the weight of my words hit him.
"Everly, what the fuck is going on?"
"Just answer the question."
"I don't remember ever saying that exactly, but—"
"But what?"
"But I might have said something like it years ago when I was talking shit with the guys. I don't know."
The admission makes my stomach drop.
"So it's true."
"I don't know, maybe? But that was before I met you, before any of this."
"Before what?"
"Before I fell in love with you, before I started thinking about a future."
I want to believe him but I can't get past the fear.
"Why are you asking me this?" he asks.
I don't answer. I can't.
Silence stretches between us, heavy and suffocating.
Rush steps closer. "Everly, talk to me. What's going on?"
But I can't say the words, can't tell him about the baby.
Not when I don't know if he's going to see it as a trap.
Not when I'm terrified he's going to run.
The tension is unbearable, and I watch him realize something is deeply, fundamentally wrong.
"Everly," he says quietly. "Please tell me what's happening."
But I just stand there, frozen, unable to speak.
And the silence says everything I can't.