Chapter 20
Savi was locked in the bathroom of the trailer, sobbing her heart out, letting herself feel every emotion under the sun.
She was going through the five stages of grief in the space of five minutes, and all the while Marco was banging on the door.
She couldn’t face him. She couldn’t face anyone, including her own reflection.
After telling him she wasn’t okay, he had tried to comfort her the best way he knew how, holding her in his arms like every time before, but she had brushed him off, barrelling into the tiny bathroom to cry it out in peace.
‘Savannah!’ He smacked his fist into the door again, causing it to rattle. ‘Open the damn door. You don’t have to do this alone.’
‘I don’t want you to see me like this,’ she murmured, just loud enough for him to hear her, the mirror in pieces on the floor. How was she supposed to explain this to Jasper? At this point, she might as well tell him. Her dignity was in tatters, what difference did it make?
‘I’ve seen you in a state before, Cowgirl. It doesn’t faze me. Please, let me help.’
She reached up and unlocked the door, but she didn’t make an effort to open it. He would have heard the click. The door swung open like it was some sort of big emergency, and Marco rushed into the room in a panic. ‘Hi,’ she smiled weakly.
He smiled back and set down a glass of water next to the basin. ‘I hate to go all tough love on you, but you have got to get it together. Like, now . We need to be on that podium in five minutes, no matter what. Both of us, Savannah. No exceptions, no excuses. That’s the rule.’
‘I can’t, Mars,’ she sobbed.
‘You can, Cowgirl.’ He knelt next to her, narrowly avoiding his knee landing on the glass and brushing her hair out of the way while she took deep breaths to calm herself down.
‘Because you have to. Savannah, if you’re not out there with us…
it’s not going to go down well. This is a huge moment for our team, don’t let him ruin this. ’
‘I know, Marco. I know. But this is just… I’ve never known betrayal like it.
How can I have missed all the signs? I was living in fucking La La Land, so adamant we were happy and in love and it turns out not only was I not even happy for the last year or two, but he hadn’t been happy from day fucking one.
The entire relationship was a lie. But hey, I know all about relationships built on a lie, right?
That’s what you and I are.’ She laughed, the sarcasm bitter on her tongue as she said it.
She knew that wasn’t what this was, and she felt the guilt creeping up her spine the second the words left her mouth.
‘Savannah, no. You and I? It’s different and you know it.
I know you don’t trust yourself right now, you don’t know what’s true and what isn’t, but I’m not Jesse.
And you are not fragile. You’re not going to break just because the man you loved lied to you, because you’re not going to give him the power to destroy everything you’ve built.
You’re not going to let him win. Think about everything you’ve got going for you: the career of your dreams, a supportive family, a close-knit group of friends.
But most important of all, you’ve got yourself.
And as long as you’re focused on rebuilding and healing and loving yourself, you’re always going to come out on top. ’
‘Am I really that unlovable? What did I do wrong?’ she sobbed.
‘No sweetheart,’ Marco shook his head, looking equally heartbroken.
‘You’re not unlovable. You’re made from love, it’s who you are and everything you stand for, and not everyone is going to know what to do with that.
It’s part of life, and sometimes the lessons life wants us to learn are dealt to us in the most unfair ways. ’
‘I don’t understand why I wasn’t good enough for him.
I tried, I really tried. To support him, to lift him up.
I rarely complained when he neglected me, I didn’t hound him when he didn’t talk to me for days.
I took a back seat so he could chase his own dreams while I chased mine.
I flew thousands of miles just to be with him and he didn’t give me the same effort even once.
What did all those women have that I didn’t? ’
‘It’s not that you weren’t good enough for him, it’s that you were too good.
What he did to you says everything about the kind of person he is and has no reflection on you.
Don’t let him crush your spirit, please.
Don’t change who you are at your core. Because there are people who love you exactly as you are. ’
Savi stared at Marco’s shoes, tracing the scuffs with her eyes.
‘I can’t go out there looking like this.
’ She choked back the lump in her throat, no more tears falling down her cheeks.
She was all cried out for the time being.
‘It’s being broadcast to millions of people across the globe, and they’re going to zoom in on me and I’ll be a laughing stock.
I can feel the mascara running down my face, how puffy my lips are… ’
‘You’ve got no choice, Cowgirl. It’s got to be done.’ Marco rose to his feet and reached for a cloth, running it under cold water. Seconds later, he was back down at her level, holding the damp washcloth to her forehead, then her neck.
‘You don’t have to do that.’
‘Yeah, I do. I’m not getting yelled at when we both miss the podium celebrations, and I also don’t want you to do something you’ll regret. But as much as I wish I could tell you to take your time and calm down…’
‘Okay.’ She drank the water in record time and checked her watch. ‘Time to go.’
‘Oh, thank god . I honestly thought I was going to have to leave you in here while I went and made excuses on your behalf.’
‘Work comes first. Always.’ She took a deep breath, shook herself out and threw open the trailer door. Marco was right, she couldn’t let Jesse have all the power here.
‘Well,’ he chased after her, ‘right now, yes. Work. Otherwise, Jasper will rip your head off. I know he seems nice, but that’s because you haven’t pissed him off yet. I strongly recommend avoiding doing so.’
The world was moving in one big blur as they headed to the podium, and despite her marching out of the trailer on a mission, her bravery soon subsided. By the time they navigated through the paddocks, Marco was all but dragging her by the hand and she was running to keep up with him.
‘Mars…’ She hesitated when their team came into view, alongside the other teams who had made the podium in different classes. They were all looking at them, evidently panicked by their late arrival. ‘Marco, I–’
‘You can do this, Savannah. I’m right here with you.’
She swallowed nervously, noticing her teammates looking at her strangely. Could they tell she’d been crying just minutes before? ‘Feeling a bit emotional there, Savi?’ Julien grinned. ‘It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?’
‘You could say that.’ And then she realised just how big this was. Revolution Racing had made history, and every single person who was part of it was celebrating today, whether they were here or at HQ. Savi was part of something incredible, and she couldn’t take it for granted.
Screw Jesse and his selfish, narcissistic ego.
He was never going to change, never going to grow.
But Savi could. She could keep pushing herself in her career, continue to build her legacy.
Alone. Except she wasn’t alone, because she had her family, her team.
She had Marco. So that was the other thing she would do: remain open to the idea that good men existed.
Marco had proved that time and time again and she wasn’t going to let Jesse taint her view.