Chapter 27
Marco watched Savannah ride ahead of him, the midday sun casting a golden glow on her bronzed skin.
She was ethereal and it broke his heart in two.
Even now she had cut ties with Jesse, she still wasn’t going to be his.
Not yet, at least. Maybe not ever. Everything he had said to her about her character rang true for him, too; he always suffered in the name of love.
It wasn’t a conscious choice he made time and time again; in fact, he had avoided women for years because he couldn’t be bothered with the heartache.
But the first time he let himself get close to someone, he’d got hurt, and then the second, he’d somehow wound up being given permission to hold her in public but had to live with knowing that she belonged to someone else in private.
Except now he seemed to have convinced Savannah to believe that the only person she belonged to was herself and he risked forever being labelled the rebound, no matter how much she insisted he wasn’t.
Marco was sick of being a rebound. He wanted the kind of love he and Savi had just talked about and while he was trying hard not to let himself get in too deep with his teammate, the harder he tried, the more he failed.
She was effortlessly beautiful, and watching her on the ranch, in her element, had only made him fall ten times harder. Then there was last night. Pure bliss, the most intimate experience he’d shared with a woman. It might not have meant much to her, but it meant the world to him.
This wasn’t like it was with Esme. It felt easy even though it wasn’t supposed to be.
This was not a straightforward love story, and it may forever remain an unrequited one.
The only thing Marco was certain of was that he had to stick by her through thick and thin.
They were a team far beyond the racetrack and that bond was unique; nobody knew what it was like unless they’d been in the same position.
He had seen the real Savannah now, the one nobody else got to see.
He cherished that, and he would learn to appreciate their connection in whatever form the universe wanted it to be.
‘You’re being too slow, Monaco!’ she called out from in front.
‘You’re an IEC rookie, you should understand I’m a rookie when it comes to all things cowboy! My hat doesn’t make me an expert, Savannah!’
‘Really?’ She pulled Mocha to a halt and Cappuccino panicked when Marco reacted too slowly, almost knocking the horses into each other. ‘I thought you were the next Buffalo Bill.’
‘Who?’ he frowned, calming Cappuccino down. She might be scary and unpredictable, but he was developing a soft spot for this horse.
‘Never mind,’ Savannah laughed. ‘Come on, we’re almost back at Mustang Ridge. How do you feel about a race?’
‘Oh, Savannah…’ he sighed. ‘You know I can’t say no to a race.’
‘I know,’ she grinned.
‘What if I fall off?’
‘You won’t. Remember what I taught you?’
‘It’s ingrained in my memory forever.’
‘You’ll be fine. I’m there to catch you.’
He watched her gallop on ahead, knowing he would never catch her up. He laughed at the reality of the situation; Savannah Hart may never be the one to love him, but he would always be there to pick up the pieces when her life got turned upside down.
Savi sat round the campfire with her family, listening to Marco and Wes sing Italian nursery rhymes.
She should be enjoying her evening, spending time with her family.
But instead, she felt nothing except dread for the phone call she was going to have to return when she got back to her room.
Jesse had been blowing her phone up for an hour on his work number, which she had stupidly forgotten to block.
‘I think I’m gonna get an early night.’ She stood up from her chair. ‘Feeling tired from all the riding and I’ve got a headache coming on. Thanks for dinner, Ma. Are we riding again tomorrow, Mars?’
‘You’ve got it.’ He gave her a smile, but it was one full of sadness. He had seen her check her phone multiple times, which meant he knew what she was going to do.
Taking a deep breath, Savi sat down on the edge of her bed.
This room was full of her childhood self: her teddy bear and photos of her and her friends, the floral bedding she’d picked out when she was sixteen and obsessed with lavender.
She should feel safe from Jesse’s influence in here, but she was terrified to make this call.
‘Savi?’ His face filled the screen at the same time his voice echoed around the room, and she regretted selecting the video option. Jesse scowled at her, looking angry– more than just a little disgruntled. ‘Why didn’t you pick up?’
‘I was with my family. Why did you call so many times?’
‘I wanted to talk things through. See if we could salvage this.’
‘There is nothing to talk through, Jesse. You fucked up, you ruined us. I just want to know all the reasons you didn’t want to take our relationship to the next level. Why you pursued other women, when I was right here, willing to give you everything you said you wanted.’
‘Sav.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘We’ve been through this countless times. Don’t you listen?’
‘We should have been buying a house, getting married. All the big life things. But we got stuck at square one, Jesse. You said you wanted those things.’
‘We had the cabin! I don’t know what more you wanted from me. I was too busy to give you everything else, Savi!’ he cried out.
‘ Your cabin. My lingerie might be in the drawer, but no part of that cabin was ever mine. You told me you wanted to build a life with me, Jess, but you refused to actually make any moves that would allow us to have the happily ever after we used to talk about.’
‘Life isn’t a fucking fairytale, Savi. I don’t know what else to tell you.’
‘Actually, I think it can be. If you let it be, life can be pretty magical sometimes. And I have had plenty of moments where I’ve thought magic might be playing a part, some of those were shared with you back when we first met, but those moments have mostly happened alone, or with my team.
Where were you for that? You haven’t come to a single race. ’
‘You know I couldn’t come to any races. I had no reason to be there, so everyone would know about us. A quick internet search tells you we grew up twenty-five minutes apart, it wouldn’t take long to connect the dots.’
‘You could’ve asked to come to Spa, Monza or Sao Paolo with any number of other celebrities who come to watch the race and soak up the atmosphere.
Even Weston is pushing past his reservations and coming to watch me compete.
He’s opening himself up to all these questions from the media about his condition by being there, but he’s doing it because he loves me.
He wants to support me. He’s putting me first.’
‘Your brother finally got the balls to leave Mustang Ridge?’ Jesse laughed.
Savi felt the colour drain from her face. ‘Excuse me?’
‘That might have been too far.’ He had the decency to look guilty, but then the emotion disappeared from his features, and he reverted to being cold and uncaring.
‘But what I’m getting at is, life doesn’t always work out the way you want it to.
Shit goes wrong, you get thrown curveballs.
My life has become utter chaos since Sapphire told me she was pregnant. ’
Savi laughed. ‘No shit. And who’s fault is that, Jess?
’ She waited for him to say more, but the words never came.
‘I’ve tried. I’ve really tried, and I’ve pushed for more and you haven’t been receptive to a single attempt.
I loved you; I wanted you. Forever and always.
But I guess I should’ve known the day you signed your record deal that things were going to change. ’
‘What are you saying?’ He swallowed roughly, his hands on his hips.
‘I’m cutting all ties, Jesse. For good,’ she said, her eyes welling up with years’ worth of tears for her past, present and future self.
For the little girl who had just wanted what her parents had, who believed in the magic of fairytales and true love.
‘Not once have you taken accountability for the other women, or for your baby. I don’t recognise you anymore. Hell, I barely recognise myself.’
‘Maybe we really are better off staying out of each other’s lives, then,’ he sighed, acting like this was all his idea, trying to twist the narrative until it seemed like he was doing her a favour by not fighting for her.
‘Don’t contact me again, Jesse. At least have enough respect to let me move on in peace.’
And then he was gone, and Savi was sinking to the floor at the foot of her bed.
She let the tears fall, feeling like the last four years of her life had just crumbled to pieces in front of her.
How could she have been so na?ve? She’d known for months, if not years.
Jesse didn’t know how to love anyone except himself; he barely knew how to communicate.
There had been hundreds of instances where he’d forgotten to tell her he was home safe, or he’d not bothered letting her know which state he was in or which country he was flying to next.
Sapphire had kept her more informed than he had half the time.
She was angry at herself, at him, at the universe for bringing him to her at that stupid county fair.
‘Savi?’ Marco’s head of curls in the doorway was all she could see through her tears. ‘What happened?’ He rushed towards her, crouching down in front of her and holding onto her knees, trying to pull her hands away from her face.
‘He couldn’t even apologise,’ she sobbed.
‘I know, Cowgirl.’ He tucked a stray curl behind her ear. ‘Men like him can do no wrong.’
‘You were right,’ she choked out. ‘I was right. He was never mine to keep.’
‘Oh, Sav… Come on, get up off the floor.’
She caught a glimpse of herself in her mirror. ‘I look hideous.’
‘Don’t worry about that. The crying is giving you a nice rosy glow.
’ He held her hands to his lips and gently kissed her knuckles.
‘Get yourself dressed into your comfiest PJs, I’m going to get you a tea and then we’re going to sit here and watch crappy reality TV and gossip about all the biggest paddock scandals we can think of. ’
‘Thanks, Mars.’ She took the tea gratefully, scooting over to give him room and handing him the controls. ‘You can choose. Although I like the sound of that new one that got released this week. Esme said it’s nothing but drama and plot twists.’
‘Sounds like the perfect medicine,’ he agreed. ‘Can I get under the sheets? It’s kind of cold in here. I’ve been sat by a heat source for three hours.’
‘Sure.’ She held the sheets open and waited for him to climb in, still wiping her eyes as tears threatened to take hold again.
‘He’s an asshole,’ Marco stated, pressing play on the TV. ‘I know I’ve said it before, but you weren’t ready to hear it then. I will say it every hour of every day until you’re over him if I have to. You know your own worth, Cowgirl. Don’t you forget it.’
‘I really appreciate you, Marco.’ She looked over at him, a slight smile creeping onto her face. ‘I’m sorry if it feels like I’m playing with your emotions, I’m really not trying to.’
‘I know you’re not, and hey, I know I’m not Esme or even Miko or Kodie, and I’ve never had a guy break my heart, but I’ve broken my own heart too many times. So I’ll be here for you every step of the way until loving yourself is enough.’
And with that, she was off again. But this time, as the tears rolled down her cheeks and her neck and she soaked her pyjama shirt, she laughed.
At what, she wasn’t quite sure. Maybe it was at her own stupidity, or her misfortune, or maybe it was the fact Marco De Luca was sat in her bed with a cup of tea, watching a dating show and nursing her back to her old self.
‘Sorry, I can’t stop crying,’ she sniffled.
‘You don’t need to apologise.’ Marco checked his watch. ‘It has, after all, only been four weeks since it ended. Takes longer than that to get over a break-up.’
‘Whatever, I’m a big girl and big girls do cry despite what Fergie says.’
They sat in silence while they watched the first episode, other than the odd commentary on someone’s behaviour or rating the couples.
So far, Marco had been very opinionated and cut-throat each time he opened his mouth, and although Savi was giggling through it, she couldn’t help the odd outburst of crying.
She was going to have a sore head in the morning.
‘Would you like a cuddle? No strings, no expectations.’ He looked nervous but he held her gaze nonetheless while she sat there and contemplated it.
What harm could it do? She shuffled into his arms, immediately feeling soothed by the warmth of his embrace combined with the warmth of the mug in her hands.
She’d missed being held. And this may not mean anything in this exact moment, but it made her feel something.
It made her feel like she mattered to someone.
So she lay there long after the credits of episode six rolled, and her half-drunk tea had gone cold and been put on the bedside table.
She stayed in Marco’s arms, crying and laughing in turn until eventually she fell asleep on his chest, safe in the knowledge that just because Jesse couldn’t support her the way she needed him to, it didn’t mean her friends, family and teammates couldn’t step in and fill the gap.