Chapter 30 Roman
THIRTY
ROMAN
Fucking hell, I’m losing her. I can’t lose her.
I catch up to her just as she starts to pull the door open.
Crowding behind her, I reach past her and shove it closed with one hand, then lean into it so she can’t try again.
I hear her exhale shudder as she rests her forehead and both palms on the smooth wood.
She looks defeated, depressed. That mischievous edge in her smile, the sparks in her aquamarine eyes, they’re all missing. And it’s all my fault.
“I’m sorry,” I say sincerely. I want to pull her into me and wrap myself around her, but that would be selfish.
She needs some space right now, so I’ll give it to her.
But I don’t give her more than the couple of inches I’m sparing her at the moment.
The entire CPD couldn’t drag me farther than this if they tried.
“I fucking lost it when I thought you didn’t feel the same for me as I did for you.
It hurt like hell, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
All I could think about was everything I’d ever told myself about love, and how I never wanted to end up like my dad—”
She spins around suddenly, effectively cutting me off as she crosses her arms and tips her head back to meet my gaze.
“Don’t you get it? It doesn’t matter why.
Unless you walked in on me fucking Austin’s brains out, nothing you did was justified.
You acted like a spoiled alpha who thought someone else was playing with his toy without permission. ”
Fucking ouch. She’s right, and hearing it put like that makes me feel like even more of an asshole as she continues.
“How dare you turn everything around on me like that. You actually had the audacity to insinuate that I wanted to try out new and more extreme kinks when I was only doing any of it because of you in the first place!” I mentally wince at her sharp tone and even sharper words, then she appears to run out of steam, and her voice goes quiet.
“You never lived up to your nickname more than you did that night. You were truly ruthless…and you wrecked me.”
Icy panic floods my heart, and I grasp her upper arms firmly.
“Baby, no. Don’t fucking say that. I fucked up, I know that, and I’ll never be able to tell you how goddamn sorry I am for everything I said.
But I’m not giving up on us. You can kick me out into the freezing-ass temps tonight, but I’m done running away from this.
I don’t care what it takes to convince you to take me back.
I’ll sit outside your door every night. I’ll call, text, email, whatever.
I’ll hire a skywriter, take ads out in the Trib and Sun Times, and spell it out in window lights on one of Chance’s high-rises.
The entire Greater Chicago Area will know how much I love you, and I won’t quit until you goddamn-well believe it, too. ”
She blinks the tears back and shakes her head sadly as she breaks eye contact to stare straight ahead at my naked torso. “Roman, I—” Her quiet gasp cuts off whatever else she was about to say. “What is that?”
I follow her gaze to my left side. I’d forgotten all about my new ink.
Wednesday night, after talking with Austin, I showed up at Sirus’s shop.
I paid him double to stay afterhours and do this piece, and two hours later I walked out with a fresh addition to the tribal tattoos that now stretch down my rib cage.
It hurt like a fucking son of a bitch, but I’d welcomed the pain as a partial penance for my sins against the woman I love.
“It’s you,” I tell her, looking down at the tribal rendition of the head and one paw of a honey badger.
The image is pieced together in bold, black curves with sharp edges.
And under its jaw, next to the paw with long claws that stretch toward my abs, are her initials—A.P.
underlined by an infinity sign. “I wanted it on my ribs because they’re what protect my heart, and my heart, Addie, is and always will be you.
” I give my chest a couple of light thumps with my fist. “You’re what’s inside of me.
You’re what finally brought me to life, and I swear my heart only beats when you’re with me. ”
Her eyes well up with unshed tears, and she brings the fingers of one hand to cover her mouth as she swallows hard.
She still has traces of mascara smudges down her cheeks and her long earrings are still in, reminding me that she’d looked exquisite an hour ago, before everything went to shit.
I did this to her. I hurt her. I made her cry.
I turned her into this tragically stunning disaster standing before me. And now I need to fix her.
Gathering her hands, I trap them against my chest and pray she hears the truth in my words and sees it in the reflection of my soul.
“What I did to you was reprehensible. You’re right, my reasons don’t matter.
Nothing justifies how I handled things or how I treated you.
I’d give anything to go back in time and do the right thing.
I’d trust you and talk to you and then take you to bed and show you how much I fucking cherish you.
“But I can’t go back, baby. All I can do is promise that it’ll never happen again.” Giving her a hesitant grin, I offer her some insurance. “And if it does, I’ll personally hand you a dull, rusty blade for your castration enjoyment.”
She narrows those beautiful aqua eyes at me. “You’d be of no use to women after the condition I’d leave you in.”
“Sweetheart, I won’t be of use to any woman but you ever again anyway. So if you’re planning on mutilating me, you might as well cut yourself from my chest while you’re at it. Because I have no use for my heart if I don’t have you in my life.”
Locking her gaze onto mine, she whispers, “You really do love me?”
“More than I ever thought possible.” I cradle her face in my hands.
“You’re everything to me, Addie. I don’t know if you’ll be able to put up with me for five years, much less fifty.
But if you give me the chance, I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy.
” Addison’s face lights up but then dims almost as quickly. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
Her hands wrap around my wrists. “I believe you,” she says with a sad smile. “And I love you, too—so much—but it won’t work between us.”
My heart drops into my stomach like a ton of bricks. “Why the hell not? If you remember, things were working really well between us before I fucked it up. It can be that good again. It’ll be better.”
She’s shaking her head, causing the tears to overflow and stream down her cheeks.
I use my thumbs to wipe them away, but as soon as I dry a set, another replaces them.
“I thought I could do it. I mean, I did and it was great, but when we started out, everything was just fun for fun’s sake.
I never expected to fall for you like I did, and now… ”
“Now what, Addison?”
“I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m not enough. Even though you love me, you’ve told me time and time again that you need to share the woman you’re with. It’s not that I didn’t like it. It’s just not a necessity of yours I can live with. Not anymore.”
The whole world stops. I can’t hear anything. Not the TV behind me, not the traffic outside, not even the sound of my heartbeat. “You don’t want me to share you anymore?”
Her brows furrow, and she glances away, her beautiful brain working something out before she meets my gaze again. “It’s not that exactly,” she says carefully. “It’s not that I wouldn’t enjoy it on rare occasions. But I don’t want you to need to share me to be happy. I just want you to need me.”
All at once, the world comes alive in a rush of sound and motion. I crush her to me and descend on her, kissing her hard. “Thank Christ, because I don’t want to share you anymore, either.”
Her eyes grow round and her eyebrows hitch up toward her hairline. “You don’t?”
I shake my head. “I had to fight not to give Austin a reason to be fitted for dentures the last couple of times.”
“So this means…”
The hope shining on her face gives me wings and grounds me at the same time.
Hope means she wants the same thing I do, but it also means she thought there was a chance that I didn’t.
From now on, I only want to see certainty and love on this woman’s face.
“It means you’re mine and only mine, wildcat. ”
She beams a smile up at me then glances down and traces a fingertip around my new tattoo. “You mean honey badger.”
I give her a sly quirk of my mouth. “You might be a honey badger, but you’ll always be my wildcat.”
“So we’ll have to agree to disagree?”
“Fuck no,” I say, hoisting her up so she wraps her legs around my waist. “I like arguing with you, woman. Feel free to disagree with me at least once daily.”
She sighs dramatically as I carry her into the living room. “You really are the perfect man for me.”
“Damn right, I am.” The towel around my hips comes untucked on the way over and falls to the floor. Fine by me because I would’ve taken it off in about three seconds anyway. Lowering her to the plush couch, I say, “And now I’m going to remind you exactly how perfect we are for each other.”
I follow her down, and Addison welcomes me into her arms as I settle between her thighs.
We kiss with the longing of being separated for months, and the excitement for our future.
Too impatient to undress her, I hook her panties, which are already damp with her arousal, to the side and thrust home.
Feeling her hot pussy clench around me is indescribable.
Nothing compares to this. No one compares.
She’s one of a kind, my Addie, and she’s all mine.
I wanted to take my time, to make love to her and revel in every touch, every taste. But I can’t. Not now. I’ll do that next time, and the fact that I know there will be an infinite number of “next times” soothes my soul.
In minutes, I feel the tingling heat gather at the base of my spine.
I have seconds before I explode, and Addison is close.
Reaching one hand under her ass, I angle her hips so I hit that spot inside her that drives her wild.
She moans and digs her nails into my shoulders. “God, yes, that feels so good!”
“Almost there, baby,” I rasp out. “Want you to come with me.”
From the lust-induced haze surrounding us, I hear a countdown somewhere in the background.
“Ten…nine…eight…” Countdown to midnight.
My thrusts are double-time, two for every second counted down.
“Seven…six…five…” So close, so fucking close.
The flames of my orgasm lick at my balls, drawing them tight to my body. “Four…three…two…”
Staring down into Addison’s sea-green eyes, I nearly drown in the love shining there. “Happy New Year, wildcat.” I reach between our bodies and rub the pad of my thumb over her clit, rocketing us both over the edge and straight into orgasmic bliss.
“One! Happy New Yeaaaaaaar!”
As the crowd on the TV cheers and a band starts to play “Auld Lang Syne,” I capture her mouth and kiss her with slow, deep strokes that mimic the way my body coaxes her through the last gentle waves of her climax.
After she melts into the cushions in satiated bliss, I press my lips to her forehead then gather her into my arms and carry her to bed.
Holding her close to me, I caress her soft skin and revel in her warmth as I think about the coming year and the new life I’m starting with the woman I love.
There’s only one thing that could make it even better. “Addie.”
“Hmm?” she hums sleepily while drawing lazy circles on my chest.
“Come back to work for me.”
She freezes for a few breaths before resuming her invisible finger painting. “Your dad’s firm pays me really well.” Giving me consolation pats, she says, “Sorry, hot stuff, but you can’t afford me anymore.”
I set my jaw to hold back the smile that threatens as the familiar heat of one of our arguments races through me. “Maybe not yet, but I can promise you’ll run point on more cases with me than you will over there. In fact, we have a very high-profile divorce case we just landed.”
Addison lifts her head to look at me. “It wouldn’t happen to be the Marchbank divorce, would it?”
The Marchbanks own so much real estate in downtown Chicago, they practically are Chicago. John and I had acquired Lydia as our client just before the holidays, but she said her husband had gone with Giglante. “Yes,” I say slowly, eyes narrowing in suspicion.
Her full lips, still swollen from my kisses, curl up into a smug grin. “George had a disagreement with Giglante and came to us. Bill asked me to work the case with him as backup so he can ‘show me the ropes.’”
Well, shit. That means we’ll be opposing counsel on the same case.
While it isn’t ideal, it isn’t illegal, either, and Addie is every bit as professional and ethical as I am.
We’ll both fight like hell for our clients in the courtroom.
And out of it, I have no doubt that fire will follow us into the bedroom.
A smile spreads over my face as I imagine what life will be like with this feisty woman at my side, and I can’t fucking wait to get started.
Flipping her onto her back, I pin her wrists above her head and settle into my favorite place—between her thighs.
“What are you doing?” she asks breathlessly.
“Giving you my closing argument. But don’t worry,” I say in a tight voice as I slide into her warm channel. “You’ll have your chance to counter when I’m done.”
Addison gasps once I’m fully seated, then smiles up at me, her eyes lighting with carnal mischief. “Looking forward to it, counselor.”
“So am I, wildcat. So am I.”
Thank you so much for reading Ruthless!