CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO #2
"I'm scared of my feelings for him," I admitted. “Scared that they’ll cloud my judgment and I’ll end up doing something stupid. I’ve never... I’ve never felt like this before.
Honestly, I don’t trust myself to make the right decisions when it comes to him.
So, I need to leave. I need to clear my head. I need to be away from him.”
"Damn it, Bloss," Dayana yelled.
"I know. I know," I managed. "I'm sorry."
"No. That's not what I mean." Her expression softened. "What I mean is... Damn, I'm sorry you finally fell in love with someone, only to not be able to be with that person. And it sucks even harder because he loves you too, but he can’t be with you. That’s fucked up.”
I nearly burst out crying hearing her say that. She wasn’t judging me. She felt bad for me.
Damn, don’t cry, Blossom.
“Real love is so rare and hard to find,” Dayana continued, eyes shimmering with tears.
“And we’re always telling you that you need to date more.
Now, look. You found a guy you actually like and...
this shit is in the way of you being with him.
That’s fucked up. And I’m sorry you’re suffering like this. ”
“It’s my fault,” Kelly whispered. “If only I’d held off on taking that job and waited for you all to come back. If only I’d known Camelia had early-onset. If only I’d known how to explain to her why I couldn’t take that job and...”
“Kels,” I started.
“I know I’m weak and I mess up a lot,” Kelly whispered, tears spilling down her cheeks. “Even so, I should’ve known better and...”
“Listen to me, Kelly! What’s done is done,” I told her.
“We can’t change the past. All we can do is move forward.
But if we’re playing the blame game, then don’t leave me out.
I should’ve known my mom wasn’t okay. I should’ve been the one to catch that.
And I shouldn’t have let you work here by yourself with her. That’s on me.”
“I should’ve noticed too,” Tracy said. “There were signs. And if it had been anyone else, I probably would’ve picked up on them. I don’t...” she sniffled. “I don’t know how I missed them in my best friend.” Tracy wiped at her eyes.
“And I should’ve come checked on the shop.
No matter how busy I was. I’d known Blossom was out of town,” Dayana said.
“I should’ve called to check in with you, Kels.
The fault doesn’t rest solely on you. We’re a team.
Through the good and the bad, we stick together.
So the fault lies with all of us. And Blossom, if you think this is worth a shot, you leaving for a little while, I’m all for it.
I’ll manage the store with Kelly’s help.
Tracy and the ladies will take care of Cami.
You, you focus on whatever you need to focus on. We’ll handle this here.”
“Thanks for being so supportive, guys. I’ll finish up what I’m currently working on in the shop and make sure all our orders are finalized and the shop is fully stocked with what you’ll need.
I plan to leave in a week. Over the next week that I’m here, I’ll mostly be in the back room, just in case he comes to the store.
We’ll let the temp agency send us workers to help with setup at the venues.
I usually like us handling it ourselves, but desperate times call for asking for help.
Thankfully, there are a couple of temp ladies who are really good at setup and like to help us out when we need it.
They won’t require many instructions on getting the job done.
So, we’ll see if they’re available to help out over the next few weeks.
Well, that’s it, ladies. That’s all I wanted to tell you. ”
“We got this,” Dayana told me.
“Damn straight,” Tracy agreed.
Kelly smiled at me. “I won’t mess up while you’re gone. I promise.”
“I know,” I told her. “We’re going to be alright,” I said, gaze sweeping from Dayana to Tracy.
With my team behind me, everything would work out fine. They stayed, finished their drinks, and we chatted a bit. Then they left, and once again I was home alone. I stripped out of my clothes and slid into some pajamas before climbing into bed.
There, I lay on my side, staring at the red tulips on my nightstand, thoughts all over the place. I would be going to Alabama soon. It would be good to spend some time with Nina and her family.
I hadn’t seen them in a while. Growing up, I’d seen Ivy, Nina, Dayana, and a few of the others almost every day before their parents moved away to take over other branches. Back then, things had been so much easier.
Life had been much simpler.
I’d been so eager to grow up and become a Petal. The older Petals had made it look fun. Especially during our summer training camps. Growing up, they’d taken us out to the country each summer for special training lessons.
Training that involved skills needed to keep the intel hub running in the future. Every summer, different Petals took breaks from their missions to come to our training camp and teach us something.
Summers were our chance to get to know other Petals and their families. It was also when we learned just how large our intel network was. That was easy to forget sometimes. Sometimes it felt like The Circuit ran itself.
But that was because the founders... my grandparents, Tracy’s parents, and Ms. Tina... who was our very first high-paying customer, along with the others, had done such a great job getting it started.
And the training camps helped prepare the next generation. By the age of thirteen, we already knew how to safely prepare poisons. Ivy’s crazy ass tested many of the poisons on herself and was now impervious to most of them.
By the summer I turned fifteen, I knew how to handle most of the weapons in my mom’s secret closet. By the time I was seventeen, she’d made me a secret closet of my own. They’d taught us how to survive, because gathering intel often came with consequences.
As the hub grew and changed, so did the classes we took. Which was how I’d gotten into hacking. One of the Petals who taught the computer classes decided it would be a good idea for us to learn hacking skills.
I’d become one of her protégés and had even decided to attend the local university and earn a degree in Computer Science. Kelly had gone to the camp after returning to us. But she’d started late and had missed out on growing up with the kids in her classes.
So even there, she’d felt like an outcast. She hadn’t had a chance to grow up around the older Petals and hear all their stories. Things like that were important. Being together and sharing meals was important.
Treating each other like family was what made The Circuit work so well. One day, our future children would head out to that same country estate to receive the same training we had.
Ivy already taught a weapons course there during the summer. Some summers, I taught hacking to the teens. To others, what we did may seem criminal. But that wasn’t what we were about.
Marcel was the only incident in recent years where our intel had led to an innocent getting hurt. Normally, we were the ones helping protect the innocent. My grandparents had created this hub to protect their community.
And over the years, most of the intel gatherers were women because it was easier for us to get into some spaces than it was for men. Sometimes it was because the people in those spaces thought we were dumb, weak, easily dismissed.
They didn’t consider us a threat, so they let their guard down, making it easier for us to do our jobs. But there were times when innocent people got hurt because things went wrong.
There were times when Petals, like Kelly’s mom, lost their lives when things went wrong. This time, a young man was hurt because of us. I couldn’t fix that. I couldn’t change it. By the time I’d made it home, it had already been too late to protect him.
We’d fucked up. There was no denying that. And one day, retribution may come for us. I had to be ready for that. From our previous conversations, I knew Rome had a family-first mentality.
He would do anything for his family. But so would I. My gaze drifted to my red tulips. I knew Rome Cattaneo would kill for his family. But so would I. And though I prayed it wouldn’t come to that, if I had to choose between him and them, I’d choose them.
Just like he’d have to choose his family over me. It was scary how much our tales mirrored the tragedy of Shakespeare’s play, Romeo and Juliet. We were doomed, just like those star-crossed lovers were.
Doomed to love the one person you were supposed to hate.