Chapter 29
Christian
Rage boiled through me.
Not simply because of what had occurred and the insanity of watching Vanessa being marked as some goddamn gold-digger when I’d been the one to blackmail her into submission, but also because I was an inept moron.
Plain and simple.
I had every opportunity to tell her how I felt about her, yet I’d froze like some deer in the headlights. What the hell was wrong with me? I knew part of the reason.
It had become painfully clear I’d fuck up her life if I hadn’t done so already. I’d been careless in thinking that if the news broke, she wouldn’t be hurt in the aftermath.
My mistake.
She refused to answer my calls and it took every ounce of strength not to go to her house or her business demanding I see her. I could act as if I was being a sensitive guy by giving her the time she’d requested.
But the real reason was staring me in the face every time I glanced into the rearview mirror.
I had no business feeling the way I did.
So I allowed the anger to wrap around me, needing someone to blame.
The person likely responsible for leaking the information was my obvious choice. I’d deal with my father’s demands later.
Since I knew my brother was home, I pounded on the door loud enough there was no chance he didn’t hear me. I’d followed him from some luncheon he’d had, forced to keep from attacking him in the parking lot.
Now I wasn’t waiting any longer.
The moment the door was opened, I pushed him hard into the hall. I couldn’t care less about being sued. I couldn’t give a shit this was my brother.
He tumbled backward, hitting the wall hard. As he slid down, he stared at me with unblinking eyes.
I slammed the door behind me.
“What the fuck?” he demanded.
“That’s what I’m here to find out. Why the hell did you do it?”
“Do what?” He struggled to stand, fisting his hands as he prepared to fight back.
“You know exactly what you did.”
He took a deep breath, staring me in the eyes. “You mean the fake marriage? And the fact you’re hiding her brother in a rehab facility?”
“That you labeled a psychiatric ward.”
After rubbing his jaw, he stood straight. “If I’d wanted to hurt the woman you’re marrying and you, I would have told the truth. Unlike you. I told you before that I’d wanted to warn her, not destroy her. You on the other hand…”
I lunged at him again, but her voice and her words penetrated the back of my mind. I hit the wall instead, creating a huge dent in the wallboard.
“Jesus, Chris. You really care about her.”
“Yes, I do. She’s an amazing person. Brilliant and beautiful, so fucking professional I could learn a few things. She’s witty and drives me crazy with arguing about everything. She’s…”
His smirk stopped me midsentence. “Yeah, you really like her. Let me guess. You haven’t told her.”
I spun away, hating myself for what I’d just done. “No. I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Just because.”
“My big brother, the one I’ve looked up to my entire life, the one who always had answers can’t tell a woman how he really feels. Imagine that.”
“Don’t give me any shit. Just be honest with me. Did you leak the information to the reporters?”
“Fuck, no. I don’t have a death wish. Was I angry you shut me out of the meeting with Lopez? You fucking bet, but I don’t stoop so fucking low, Christian. Those aren’t my tactics. They are yours.” We glared at each other while he continued rubbing his jaw.
“I could fucking kill you.”
“Then go ahead. Do it. Fucking do it. You’ve been wanting to hurt me or worse for over ten years. Just do it.” He lunged toward me, driving both his palms against my chest.
Anger rushed to the surface again and I threw myself at him, getting in two solid punches before he jammed his fist into my gut, sending me tumbling backwards.
We both gasped for air, shifting back and forth. He lunged for me again, the brutal crack in my jaw jarring. I didn’t hesitate, punching him in the stomach. When he tried to use a wrestling move on me, I wrapped my arm around his neck, jerking him back against me.
“That’s not true,” I hissed.
“Isn’t it? You’ve hated me, blaming me for Caroline’s death for over ten years. Ten years! You wished I’d died instead of her. Admit it. Fucking stop being a coward for once and admit it.” He jerked at my arm, able to ram his elbow into my gut.
I didn’t feel a goddamn thing.
“I never wished you were dead,” I insisted. “How could you think that way? How?”
“Because you’ve barely talked to me. I have looked up to you since I was a kid. You were my idol, my mentor and you treated me like I’d wanted her to die. Do you know how her death crushed me? Don’t you know how horrible I’ve felt, the guilt that’s been eating me alive?”
I shoved him hard, disgusted at what I was hearing.
He tripped, but caught himself, turning around to face me.
“Go ahead. Do whatever you want to do to me. I just don’t give a damn any longer.
If I could go back all those years ago and change places, I would.
Do you know how many times I’ve thought about that?
Thousands. I loved Caroline with my whole heart. So just kill me. Do it!”
Gasping, I stumbled backwards, shocked by his words, the pain in them and the agony on his face.
When I moved closer again, he bristled, but I wrangled him into a bear hug.
“Goddamn it. I never wanted you dead, Carson. You’re my brother.
I love you.” I clapped him on the back, the horror of what I’d done for all these years hitting me harder than I could have ever imagined.
I pulled away, holding his shirt collar, loathing what I’d done to him before and now.
“I’m so sorry, Carson. We were both suffering and I ignored yours. I’m a terrible brother. It was my fault. What happened to both of you was my fault.”
He gripped my arm, cocking his head. “No, it wasn’t your fault.
Nothing about her death or my life was your fault.
I fucked up. I should have been watching her.
I was too busy needing a fix. I didn’t learn, carrying that with me through life.
Why do you think I tried to overdose? Why?
It should be me in that grave. Not her. I let you down. ”
“No, brother. I let you down. For that, I’ll never forgive myself.” I pulled away, turning completely around because I couldn’t bear to see the pain in his eyes. The pain I’d caused. The years I’d lost. What the fuck was wrong with me?
“I don’t blame you, brother. Not for anything. I just wanted you to love me like you loved Caroline. I know. Pretty sappy for a guy. Right?” he laughed.
I chuckled because there seemed like nothing else that could be done.
“Fuck. What are we doing? We’re both suffering, Carson. All this time wasted.”
“Cause you’re a stubborn mule.”
Laughing, I nodded as I found the courage to face him. Seeing the damage to his face, I cringed. “You’re bleeding.”
“So are you. Plus, you look like shit, buddy. You want a drink?”
I huffed. The one thing about my brother I was never wrong about was when he was lying.
Like the night Caroline had died and he’d flat out lied to me that he hadn’t been high on drugs when the incident had occurred.
Maybe that’s why I’d never been able to forgive him. “Why the fuck not? Maybe some ice.”
“That I have plenty of.”
I took off my jacket, tossing it across the back of his couch, following him into the kitchen. He retrieved two glasses and bourbon. The entire day had been way too emotional, but as usual, Vanessa was right. She knew me far too well and hell, that almost pissed me off. Imagine that. “She’s gone.”
“What do you mean gone?” He poured two hefty glasses, placing one on the kitchen island for me then placing the bottle beside it for easy access.
“She left this morning after I brought her back to my house. She needs time.”
“Well, you did go after her. Didn’t you?” He pulled two towels from a drawer, grabbing ice cubes and placing them in the first.
“I’m not good with that shit.”
“Did you call her?”
“She doesn’t want to hear from me.”
“You are a real jerk. Aren’t you?” he chortled. “What’s your problem, bro? It’s so obvious how you feel about this girl that I don’t need to know you to see that you’re in love with her.”
“I’m not…” I started to deny, but realized just by thinking about her my damn stomach was suddenly in knots.
His grin was usually the one I wanted to wipe off. He placed the ice near me, backing away as if I was going to hit him again. “You had a whirlwind romance and don’t deny it. I don’t need to be a genius to smell her all over you. Yet you couldn’t tell her how you really feel about her.”
“It wasn’t exactly the time after coming to her rescue when she was surrounded by piranhas chomping at the bit for blood and a goddamn story. Plus, she was treated like the bad guy when I was the one who set this bullshit up.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“I told the world that after punching one of the reporters who called her names. Fucking pissed me off to the point I almost—” I sensed his smile and stopped midsentence. “Yeah, I care about her.”
“You’re in love with her.” He leaned against the counter, placing an ice bag on his cheek while taking a sip of his drink. All the while staring at me.
“Fine. I do love her, but I don’t think it’s going to matter.”
“It won’t if you don’t tell her.”
Snorting, I swallowed a mouthful of booze as I thought about Vanessa and what she’d say. “She wouldn’t believe me. She’d think I was just snowing her, pretending I cared to use her.”
“Why would she think that?”
“Because even in the contract, I had it so I wasn’t required to pay her what I owed her. I know. Don’t say it.”
He coughed on purpose. “I was right. You used the stupid codicil our father taught you. You are one cold man, but here’s the thing.
You met your match. You’re right that you can’t just tell her.
You need to do something special. Not roses, for fuck’s sake.
Women know you’ve done something wrong when you resort to roses. ”
“Sounds like a man with experience.”
“You’re right. I am. Several times over. You need to think about what would make Vanessa happy, but don’t wait too long.”
“She won’t want me back.”
“How do you know if you don’t try? Huh?”
“Since when did you get so damn smart?”
“I’ve had a lot of time to think about relationships and how I’ve fucked up my life.”
I nodded and the quiet between us was peaceful for a change. “What do you want to do with your life, Carson? I know it’s not working for Elliot Enterprises.”
“You’re right. I was just trying to feel like I was important. Mostly in your life.”
“You are important, but you deserve to do something you want to do.”
“So do you.”
“I already am.”
He snorted and gave me a look. “Are you really? Can you look yourself in the mirror and tell me that you’re happy?”
Damn him if he didn’t have a point. “No.”
“Only you can do something about it. I can tell the one truth is that Vanessa makes you happy. Consider that while you’re trying to determine the rest of your life.”
“Hmm… Maybe I will think about it.” I studied the liquid in the glass, taking a deep breath. “I shouldn’t have blamed you for Caroline. I’m sorry.”
“That’s okay. Like I said, I blamed myself. What you did with Caroline Manor is amazing. She would be so happy.”
“I think you’re right. Maybe you can drop by some time and take a tour with me.”
“Only if you bring Vanessa.”
Huffing, I knew everything my brother had said was right. I just didn’t know how to tell her how I felt.
Vanessa
Six hours later, with Amelia’s investigative help, I headed into the hotel, avoiding any eye contact.
With my dark shades and my hair pulled up, I felt confident I wouldn’t be recognized, but I wasn’t taking any chances.
This was first on my agenda. Dealing with my father would be next.
I wanted to calm down before I talked with him.
Right now I would wring his neck and tell him exactly what I thought about him.
A beep on my phone indicated a message. I’d turned it back on, hoping to find a message from Christian.
Not one.
Even now, the tiny bit of excitement I felt fell flat when I noticed it was a spam risk. One thing was clear. My father wasn’t going to confess his sins. Of course not. I wanted to ruin him.
Did that make me a horrible person? Maybe, but honestly, I didn’t care any longer. He not only couldn’t care less about Donovan, he’d also done his best to tarnish both my and Christian’s reputation all because of money and the big win.
Money.
I couldn’t stand it.
As the elevator reached the top floor, I took a deep breath. At this point, I had nothing to lose. This was the least I could do for Christian. It’s what he’d wanted in the beginning.
Not a relationship.
Not me.
I’d been his fake wife. As I walked down the hall, I twisted the ring. The ache was even worse than it had been before. The saddest part was that in seeing his chivalry in coming to my rescue and protecting me against the reporters, I’d felt such deep emotion coming from him I’d been floored.
And I’d swooned for an entirely different reason.
Sighing, as I reached the hotel suite door, I took a deep breath, plastering a smile on my face and knocked.
Not long after, the door was opened.
“Ms. Blair. I’m surprised to see you.” Andres Lopez glanced in the hallway as if expecting to see Christian.
“Don’t worry. I’m alone. Would it be alright if I talked to you for a few moments?”
“We’re getting ready to leave for the airport in just a few minutes.”
“I know. You’re headed to Atlanta to see my father. I think there are a few things you need to know before you go. This won’t take long.”
He hesitated and I noticed Triana standing off to the side.
“Let her in, Andres. I’d like to hear what she has to say.”
After nodding, he opened the door.
It was now or never. If I could help, I’d be able to look myself in the mirror.
Before returning to my real life and not one filled with fantasies.