Chapter Twenty-Five
Scarlett
Asoul-deep sadness has me in its grip, even as I spend time in the single happy place I have in this world—the greenhouse.
Max has done a good job of following my instructions for the seedlings, and while I find some minor issues while looking over the report I get from the tech console, it’s nothing catastrophic.
Tobias, quiet and solemn though he usually is, seems to sense that something’s wrong with me. He sits with his computer in the corner of the room, but casts me constant glances that are laced with something I might think was worry… if I didn’t know better. He doesn’t give a shit about me.
After my conversation with my brother, I don’t know that anyone gives a shit about me.
Anyone except Monster.
A knot lodges in my throat and chest. How is it that the one man I should hate most in this world might also be the only one I have left?
“Your sadness is too loud,” Tobias says blandly. “If you could cut it out, I might get more work done.”
I don’t bother looking in his direction. “If you have a problem with being in here, you’re free to leave. I didn’t ask for your presence.”
There’s a long pause. “Fair enough,” Tobias says. “You want to talk about it?”
“With you? Fuck no.”
“Believe it or not, I’m actually a very good listener.”
I snort. “I’ll bet. I’d also wager you’re very good at turning around and passing on anything you hear to your general and commanding officer, or Cain.”
Tobias scoffs. “I don’t tell Cain shit. He might own this place, but I’m loyal to Greyson.”
“Wonderful for you,” I mutter, logging out of the system and walking up to a bed of seedlings. “You’re loyal to a monster. You should celebrate.”
“He might be a monster to you, but he’s a leader to me,” Tobias retorts. “You weren’t here the last nine months, Scarlett, but there were some bad ops. He got me, and the rest of our unit, out of deep shit multiple times. He’s had my back, so I have his.”
I let out a long, tired sigh. “I don’t know if he’s a monster to me anymore,” I say quietly.
I’m not sure why I’m telling Tobias this, but he’s here, and I’m so bogged down by emotions I think they might explode if I contain them any longer.
“There’s no doubt he’s a monster, but I’m not sure if he’s the monster under my bed. I don’t know what to think.”
Tobias gazes at me with a startling intensity. “He’s not a good man… but any good that’s left in him is yours. I don’t think you’ve yet grasped the power you have over the guy. If you asked him to cut his beating heart out of his chest and serve it to you on a silver platter, he’d do it.”
I swallow thickly. That’s not the sort of power I ever strived for in this life, but the fact that I have it… that I can affect this man in ways no one else ever has… it’s significant. I just don’t quite know how to feel about it.
“I’m going to go walk the land,” I tell Tobias. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t follow behind to babysit me.” I think I just need to grieve. Grieve over the loss of my life and my brother. Grieve what should have been but never was. Grieve my future, my past… I need some room to be sad.
“Don’t stray too far,” Tobias says simply.
I’m grateful for the reprieve from being accompanied everywhere, even if I know my freedom is an illusion.
I’ve seen the new gates around the fortress; they’re electric and patrolled.
There’s no way I’m getting out of here unless someone lets me go, so I guess Tobias doesn’t have all that much to worry about.
My steps are sluggish as I make my way out into the setting sun.
It casts a beautiful, orange-tinged glow on the acres of fertile land before me.
I find a small patch of wildflowers—ones I know will have to be weeded out before planting begins—and sink down among them, doing my best not to squish them.
I draw my knees up to my chest, rest my chin on them, and get lost in the past. I allow myself to be swept away by the few good adolescent memories I have, all of which were with my brother.
The moment my brother saved me, got me out from under Dad’s reign and gave me the support I needed to start trying to live rather than merely survive.
The late night drinks, the early morning visits, the phone calls… my brother’s presence in my life has been relatively scarce but profoundly impactful. He told me to ignore my fears and pursue my passion for botanical genetic engineering. He made my dreams a possibility.
And, just an hour ago, he threatened to put a hit out on me as a scare tactic. Called me a stupid girl, demeaned my intelligence and strength… rightfully so. In his position, I might’ve done something similar, though I wouldn’t have been quite so harsh with it.
Tears start dripping down my cheek, staining the fabric of my jeans. I lift my hand to my neck, reaching for the diamond collar, only to realize it’s gone. I’ve developed a habit of stroking it when I’m lost in thought, but now, I don’t even have that.
Not that I should want it. The collar might’ve been expensive, but it symbolized cruel ownership, and I’m glad to be rid of it.
I think.
I run my fingers over the bed of flowers surrounding me. Cheerful daisies wink at me from their places, swaying calmly in a gentle breeze. I wish I could be as free, as careless as these happy flowers.
I barely hear the sound of approaching footsteps before a shadow falls over me. A familiar, dark, obsessive energy invades my senses, and I know without needing to look up that Monster has arrived.
Even though I’m unsure if he’s still the monster under my bed, he’ll always be Monster to me.
Maybe even my Monster…
“It breaks my heart to see you cry,” he says quietly. “I want to kill whatever’s causing those tears, but I know I can’t.”
“No. Killing my brother would not endear you to me,” I respond quietly. I swipe at the tears staining my cheeks, then reach down and stroke the petals of a particularly vibrant daisy.
Monster helps himself to a seat beside me, crushing the daisy I was playing with. How very appropriate. A soft sigh flutters out of my lips as I refocus my attention on a flower in front of me.
“Scarlett,” Monster says. “Scarlett, look at me.”
“Please don’t make me,” I respond softly. “I just need to be sad right now. You’ve just taken the last thing I had from me.”
“Your brother wasn’t taken from you,” Monster counters. “He said horrible things, yes, but at no point did he articulate that he intended to leave you. No, Scarlett, he wasn’t taken from you. I could hear his love for you in every word.”
A light scoff escapes me. “Right. Did you hear the love when he was telling me that I’m a stupid girl? Or when he threatened to have me killed?”
“He didn’t threaten anything. He was trying to articulate a point, and he did it very poorly.” Monster pauses. “Powerful men can be some of the dumbest ones, too.”
“You’re living proof of that,” I mutter.
When Monster doesn’t respond, I go tense. That might’ve been pushing him a bit far. I really need to learn when to turn off the sass—
I look up at him, only to see that he’s smiling widely, his eyes sparkling with mirth. I’m startled to realize that I like it when he smiles. He has perfect straight white teeth and full lips. His stern expression is handsome, but his smile is… stunning.
“Tobias thinks that you would cut your heart out of your chest if I asked you to.” My words are impulsive, fueled by emotion more than anything else. “Is that true?”
“Yes,” Monster answers immediately. “Of course, I’d first find a way to continue living without a heart… because I don’t intend on ever leaving you.”
I gaze at him for a few moments. “Why?” I finally ask. “Why are you so… obsessed with me? Why, of all the women in this world, did it have to be me who caught your attention?”
“I’ve never respected anyone the way I respect you,” Monster responds.
“I’ve never admired a person so much in my life.
You’re unique, Scarlett. Powerful but fragile.
Durable yet delicate. Smart yet na?ve. You’re a perfect mix of the traits that attract me…
and to top it all off, you’re so damn brave. ”
“Brave,” I repeat doubtfully. “When have I been brave? There’s a difference between bravery and a strong tolerance for life’s bullshit. I’m not brave… I’m just extremely used to pain—mental and physical.”
“It was your bravery that enabled you to look me in the eye when I first took you. When I was hurting you in ways I’ll never forgive myself for,” Monster says.
“It was your bravery that drew me to you, repeatedly. It was your bravery that enabled you to boil tea out of the pretty flowers I got you and turn them into a deadly poison. And, Scarlett…” Greyson reaches out, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear.
“It was your bravery that made you give me the antidote.”
“Do you pull everything you say out of your ass?” I tilt my head to the side. “I try to search for the logic in your words, but I rarely seem to find any.”
His smile returns. “Dropping those flowers into a teacup must’ve been terrifying.
You know what I’d have done to you if I found out.
But you did it anyway, because sometimes, the ends justify the means.
As for the antidote…” his smile begins to melt away, replaced with a searching expression.
“I think you did that because you were brave enough to risk me coming after you, but not cruel enough to kill a man who loves you.”
“Who thinks he loves me.”
Monster’s jaw clenches. He turns sharply away from me, but instead of getting up and storming off, he tugs on the neckline of his shirt, practically ripping it off himself. I wince at the sight that greets me; raised, angry red scars crisscrossing his spine like skewed train tracks.
“Would I have taken this for you if I didn’t love you?” he demands, turning back around. “Would I have combed the entire world for you if I weren’t in love with you?”
“You could be confusing love with obsession,” I whisper.