3. Marissa
THREE
MARISSA
The next morning, I wake up with a smile on my face. Regardless of how sad I've been since Cain and I have been separated and started the divorce proceedings. I'm also happy because I'm finally living the life I feel as if I've been missing out on. Not that Cain was keeping me from doing things, not really. Some of that was of my making, and I'm beginning to understand that. The longer I'm away from Cain, the more I'm becoming comfortable and confident in my own abilities. It's something I've needed to do.
Getting up, I head over to the counter and make my first cup of coffee for the day. There will be a few. I have a seat and begin sipping the caffeine that helps me get stuff done. Scrolling through my phone, I go to my website, checking the orders from the live show last night. These are the orders that really keep my business going. I hope that one day foot traffic and my marketing and promotion will do it, but right now there just isn't enough happening. I cross my fingers and hope for the best as I glance at the orders.
"Over eight hundred bucks." I squeal. My heart is pounding with excitement. That's half of the rent I owe on this building, and it's a relief.
I've had to be frugal with a lot of things since I left Cain. We were comfortable, not hurting for money at all. He gave me a great life, and I was happy with my job at the bank, but it didn't fulfill me. I had other dreams; ones I gave up when we got married. Not because he asked me to, but because it's what I thought was expected of me. That's what I'd seen all the other girls who got married right out of high school do. I followed along with everyone and everything. It's what I've done my entire life.
The first decision I ever made for myself was separating from Cain and then deciding to take a chance on the bookstore. It's been one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I'm proud of myself in a way I never have been before.
Finishing up the first cup, I walk over to the sink and put it there. I'll wash it later. After that, I go get ready for the day, and head down to the store. Opening is my favorite part of the day. It's a new start, a new chapter. Each time I flip the sign and turn on all the lights. There's a couple of ladies in front of the shop when I swing the door out. "Morning." I greet them.
"Morning." They answer back, giddy smiles on their faces. "We saw your shop on TikTok and had to come look at it. We live two towns over."
My cheeks warm in appreciation for the younger women in the community who have taken me under their wing and done a few posts about us on social media. It's not my wheelhouse, but they've definitely allowed me to attract readers I wouldn't have been able to previously. "That's exciting. Thank you so much for coming."
"We saw you had some special editions?" The taller of the two raises her eyebrows.
"Yes, they're in the back in their own section. Browse around. I'll be here if you need me."
As they go inside and start looking, I drag my sign out, letting everyone know I'm open. It's then I feel a prickling on the back of my neck. Turning toward the Dinner Bell Diner, I catch the gaze of the only man I've ever loved, the only one I've ever had sex with.
Cain Miller.
Those dark eyes of his are hidden behind aviators, but I'd know what they look like with my own eyes closed. The way they brighten when he's happy, hood when he's turned on, darken as he's about to come inside me. God, I miss him.
I want to hear his voice, take in his laugh, capture his broken groan with a kiss of my lips. But before any of that happens, we have to talk, and neither of us has made a move toward the other. His tongue comes out to lick his lips, his bottom lip pulling between those straight, white teeth.
I swallow reflexively and push a hand through my hair. He's still staring at me when that mouth moves to speak to the person standing beside him. Eventually, he breaks the invisible string between us. I almost hate him for that. Because he seems to do it so easily, meanwhile, I'm still standing there looking at him. Finally, I break and pull out the sign onto the sidewalk, using it to prop the door open. Going back in, I take a deep breath, trying to slow my galloping heart. In the months before I asked Cain for a divorce, my heart hadn't beat for him like that. It's as if I'd taken him for granted, or maybe we'd taken each other that way.
But there are new things I'm noticing about him every day as I look on from afar. There are times I wonder if he's doing the same with me.
Heading back inside, I smile at the women who've shown up. "Can I help y'all find anything?"
The younger one gives me a smirk. "That special edition foil you showed on your live show last night? The one about the couple who was getting divorced, and then they somehow worked it out?" She pushes her vibrant hair behind her ear. "I want that one if you have it."
That's one of my favorites too, and I try not to think about how closely it's resembling my life. The only thing is, I don't know if I want to work it out. Depends on Cain and me. "I do. I have a few more left. Would you like to look around some more?"
"Yes, I love those shirts over there. I'll be back with a few more things."
"Take your time."
As I wait for the group, I pick up my phone to check the store's social media. When I do, I see a picture from the Willow County Sheriff's Office Facebook page. It's Cain holding a puppy, and my God, if there isn't something hot about this man holding something in his huge hand that's barely big enough to cover his palm. What ruined our marriage wasn't the fact that either of us wasn't attracted to the other. It was because he couldn't give me what I needed.
Then again, Marissa, you didn't really tell him, now did you?
My subconscious is a bitch some days.
She's louder now than she ever was when he and I lived in the same house. I should've been asking those questions way before I left, but I didn't, and now here I am. I can't say that I'm unhappy, because I asked for this, but I think I would be happier in a relationship where I gave my husband the chance to be my partner. Now more than ever, I'm realizing, I never truly gave him that shot.
Glancing at the comments on the post, there are a bunch of women who would give him what I didn't.
Sighing heavily, I toss my phone, and then paste a smile on my face when the group walks up to check out. "Did y'all find everything you need?"
"And a lot of shit I didn't." One of them laughs. "But I'm so glad to know this is here. We will definitely be back. I can't wait to go home and tell all my book loving friends about it. Do you have weekly book clubs?"
I nod. "Yeah, they're not well-attended yet, but I have them. I also do some stuff virtually, so if that's of interest to you as well, please sign up for notifications from the shop on socials."
When they leave, I've made almost as much as I have the entire week before they came in. If I could have a group like that every week, I wouldn't be worried about bills. Then again, I'd have something else to worry about, and at least I'm living the life I wanted to.
Aren't I?