5. Marissa
FIVE
MARISSA
My phone makes a noise, going off for what feels like the hundredth time today. I don't know what possessed me to leave a comment on that picture from the Willow County Sheriff. Maybe I miss him more than I've been willing to let on, or maybe I want him to look there and see the name of my bookstore. Make him think about me more than he did when we were married.
That's not entirely the truth. We're still married, at least for another month.
I'm not wearing my ring anymore, though, and if anyone were to look at me, there's nothing showing that I'm spoken for.
I sigh, inhaling deeply, before exhaling back out. The bell over the door rings, indicating someone coming in. Glancing up, I paste a smile on my face, letting it grow bigger when I see Katie Holcomb. She's a lot younger than me, but I've enjoyed our conversations each time she's come in. "Hey." I wave at her.
"Hey yourself. How's it going?" She asks, walking directly over to the counter, and leaning on it with her elbows. "I watched your live show last night. That one book with the holographic foil was gorgeous. Do you have any more of those?"
"I think so." I move so that I'm leaning back, checking the box I'm keeping those in. They were expensive, and I'm scared to put them on the floor. Terrified that someone will steal one and I won't be able to make my investment back. "Yeah, I have three. Do you want one?"
She nods. "It's my gift to myself. I'm getting married in two months," she whispers. "Only a few people know so far."
"Congratulations," I say, but given the look on her face, maybe it's not a joyous occasion.
"Thanks, but it's not what I want." She plays with a pen I've placed on the counter. "It's arranged. How crazy is that? In this day and age, an arranged marriage."
"Oh Katie, I'm so sorry." I can't imagine someone telling me who I should take as a husband. Even though it appears I may have made a wrong decision with Cain, it was mine to make. "Do you know your groom, or are you going in blind?"
She licks her lips, and I get the impression she needs to talk to someone about this. Looking up, she asks. "Can we go sit in those chairs and talk about it? I promise I'll buy the book before I leave."
I purposely put those chairs here so that they could be used to have these types of conversations around them. "Of course. There's no one else in here right now. You've got my full attention. You never have to buy a book just to talk to me, either. I'm happy to have you for a friend."
Her smile doesn't reach her eyes, and if I were in her situation, mine wouldn't either. We take a seat. She pulls her feet up into the chair and rubs her bottom lip before she speaks. "I know who I'm marrying. He's actually related to you."
I go over everyone in my life who may be close enough in age to marry her, but I'm at a loss. "Who in my family?"
Pushing her hair back from her face, she blows out a raspberry. "I guess it would be by marriage. He's a Miller."
Ah, Cain's family. His cousins are some of the most powerful people in Willow County. They own over half of it, and they have more money than God. Somehow, it doesn't surprise me they've arranged a marriage for one of their sons. "Let me guess, either Trace or Ward. Those are the only two close to your age."
She nods. "Ward. Which I know him, we went to high school together. It wasn't like we were in the same friend group or class, though. I don't recall ever speaking to him. I don't know Trace, not even what he looks like."
"They're both devastatingly handsome. They could be on the cover of a cowboy romance book, either of them. In fact, if I wanted to make extra money, I might suggest that to them." I laugh. "I know Ward better than I know Trace. Trace has big dreams of getting away from Bitterroot Gap. He's older," I muse. "I wonder if you were supposed to marry him and Ward stepped in. He's always doing that for Trace, and I would assume the older one would get married first."
She shrugs. "I'm not sure. I'm trying to take solace in the fact I at least know of Ward. He's not a complete stranger, and I'm not going into this blind."
"I can't imagine that makes it any easier." I pull my legs up in the chair and fold them underneath me. "It's such an antiquated practice, but that's the Millers for ya. If there's any way they'll be able to expand their empire, they're gonna take it."
For the first time since she started talking about this, there are tears pooled in her eyes. "I haven't said this to anyone else because I don't think they want to hear it." She licks her dry lips. "I had plans for my wedding. It was always supposed to be the person I fell in love with. He would ask me to marry him on bended knee with a ring he bought. It didn't have to be the most extravagant, or expensive. All I wanted was for it to come from the heart."
"They've taken all that away from you, haven't they?" I can see the hurt in her gaze, can only imagine how painful this is for her. Although Cain and I have ended up separated, I chose him. No one told me what I had to do, or what I could do. We dated in high school, fell in love, and then married as soon as he took the job at the sheriff's department.
"They have." She sighs. "I'm angry about it, but I have nothing to say, because my family needs me. This is going to help them as much as it'll help the Millers."
"That still doesn't mean that you should lie down and take it, Katie. You're a person, a woman with a great head on your shoulders. You're smart, pretty, and I love the conversations you and I have. There's no reason they should expect you to do this without argument. That's very short-sighted of them."
"I can't talk to anyone else about this, but I hope I can be honest with you. There are a few things I'm concerned about, obviously. What if we aren't compatible? What happens if there's no spark in the bedroom? Are we supposed to accept it? I think you know my reading habits. I read romance because I love it, but also because it's a turn on. Some men aren't comfortable with that, and those are typically things you find out during the dating phase. I won't have that with Ward." She rubs her palms against her legs. "I don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I mean, isn't that why you and Cain split up?"
Her assumption about why Cain and I split up hits me right in the chest. We weren't unhappy. At least, I don't think we were. If I think back, I can say I wasn't unhappy. I wanted more, and he wasn't open to hearing it, but then again, I'm not sure I was open to hearing what he needed either. "Cain and I are difficult. There were several reasons we split."
She leans forward. "I saw your comment on this post of him with the puppy the other day. Are you and him looking to get back together? That was super flirty."
I'm still not sure why I made that comment, other than I was jealous after seeing all the women and men talking about how hot he is. If anyone knows how hot he is, it's me. Has he had anyone touching him since I left? Is there someone taking care of his needs in ways I couldn't? I try not to let myself think about these things, but once in a while, those thoughts come through. "I don't know what we're doing. We haven't spoken in six months," I confess.
Her eyes widen and her mouth drops open. "Why haven't you spoken to him in six months? He's the hottest cop on the force, and most of the single people in this town know it. Including me," she says out of the corner of her mouth.
"Oh, I'm fully aware." And becoming more so every single day.
"So, are you really going to let him go without a fight? If he were mine, I'd put up a fight."
Before she said these words, I was okay with letting it all go. The past six years of marriage, the last nine years of being together, but was I too quick to give up? "I think you're right, Katie. I need to fight. I don't know how to do that right now, but I'm going to. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself if I don't."
Katie grins. "I support this. Y'all are the hottest couple together, and I need someone to prove to me that true love wins. I gotta go. I have a wedding dress fitting. Thank you so much for talking to me today, Marissa."
"You're welcome. Anytime you need a discussion, you can come in. You're always welcome here."
We stand, and she comes over, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. "Thank you, I'll see ya around. Good luck with Cain."
"Thanks girl, I'm gonna need it."
I watch her leave the entire time my mind on the man I thought I was done with. Maybe I'm not as done as I imagined.