Chiara
CHIARA
I ’m curled up in bed, knees tucked to my chest, the blanket pulled up over my head like a barrier against the world. My mind is racing, and no matter how tightly I squeeze my eyes shut, I can’t stop the wave of guilt that’s crashing over me.
I can still feel the panic, the way it seized my chest and made it hard to breathe. And I can still see the look in Giovanni’s eyes when I flinched—shock, then pain, and finally that damn self-loathing.
He was right. He fucking warned me, and I didn’t listen. I pushed, stubborn as always, thinking I could handle it, thinking I was ready. And now, here I am, hiding under a blanket like a child because I’m too scared to face what I’ve done.
The truth is, I’m still so far from where I want to be, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get there.
I hear the door to my suite open softly, and I know it’s him even without looking. Giovanni moves quietly, but there’s always a presence to him, something that fills the room and makes it impossible to ignore him. He doesn’t say anything as he walks over to the bed, and I don’t turn around. I can’t face him right now, not after what happened.
The bed dips slightly as he slips in behind me, his body warm and solid against mine. He wraps an arm around me, pulling me close to his chest, and I feel his breath against the back of my neck.
For a moment, neither of us speaks, and the silence between us is thick with all the things I want to say but can’t bring myself to.
“,” he murmurs against my ear, his voice low and filled with an emotion I can’t quite place. “I’m sorry.”
I close my eyes, tears welling up despite my best efforts to hold them back.
“It’s not your fault,” I whisper, my voice trembling. “You warned me, Gio. You told me I wasn’t ready, but I didn’t listen. I just … I wanted to prove something to myself, and I ended up making everything worse.”
He tightens his hold on me, his hand smoothing down my arm in a gesture meant to soothe.
“You didn’t make anything worse, Kitten,” he breathes, but there’s a hardness to his tone, like he’s trying to convince himself as much as me. “I wasn’t thinking when I grabbed your wrist. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that, and I should’ve been more careful. I should’ve?—”
“No,” I cut him off, shaking my head. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just … when you grabbed my wrist and pinned me, I felt … I felt helpless again. Like I couldn’t move, couldn’t fight back. And I know you didn’t mean to make me feel that way, but it just … it brought everything back.”
He lets out a long, shaky breath, his grip on me tightening as if he’s afraid I’ll slip away.
“I never want you to feel like that again, especially not with me,” he says. “You’re not helpless, . You’re the strongest fucking person I know, and I hate that I made you feel like that. I fucking hate myself for it.”
I turn slightly, just enough to see his face, the anguish written across his features.
“It wasn’t you,” I say quickly, the words tumbling out in a rush. “It was me. I pushed too hard and thought I could handle it, but I was wrong. I’m sorry, Gio. I’m sorry for putting you in that position.”
He sighs, leaning into the crook of my neck, and I can feel the way his jaw clenches, the way he’s holding back.
“You’re not to blame, baby,” he says firmly, his voice tight. “We’re both just trying to figure this shit out. But I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come to me, like you have to push yourself to be something you’re not ready to be.”
I turn in his arms, finally facing him, my eyes locking onto his. There’s so much in his gaze—guilt, pain, love—and it breaks my heart to see it. To know I put it there.
“I won’t push again,” I promise, my voice barely above a whisper. “I won’t … I won’t do that to you. I’ll wait.”
He pulls me closer, pressing his lips to my forehead in a soft, lingering kiss. “You can have all the time you need,” he murmurs against my skin. “I’m not going anywhere. Whenever you’re ready—whether it’s tomorrow or next year—you have every fucking right to come to me and take whatever you need. I’m yours, Kitten. All fucking yours.”
I feel something inside me ease at his words, the knot of tension in my chest loosening just a little.
“Thank you,” I whisper, burying my face in his chest, breathing in his familiar scent, letting the warmth of his body chase away the lingering cold that’s settled in my bones.
“I love you, ,” he says, his voice rough with emotion. “And I’ll wait for you. No matter how long it takes.”
I close my eyes, letting the sound of his heartbeat lull me into a sense of calm, of safety. “I love you too, Gio,” I murmur, my voice barely audible. “I just hate feeling like this. I hate feeling so … so broken.”
“You’re not broken,” he says fiercely, his voice leaving no room for argument. “You’re fucking incredible, . And I’m going to be right here, reminding you of that every day until you believe it.”
I smile slightly, a small, tired smile, but it’s genuine. “I’m glad I have you,” I say softly, and I mean it. I don’t know where I’d be without him, how I’d get through any of this without his strength, his unwavering support.
“You’ll always have me,” he replies, his voice firm, certain. “I’m yours, Kitten. Now and forever.”
We lay there in silence for a while, just holding each other, letting the quiet fill the spaces that words can’t reach. I can feel the guilt, the shame, still lingering in the back of my mind, but it’s not as suffocating as it was before.
“Gio,” I whisper after a while, breaking the silence.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want to be afraid forever,” I say, my voice trembling slightly. “I want to get past this. I want to be able to be with you without feeling like … like I’m not enough.”
“You are enough,” he says, his voice filled with conviction. “Fuck, baby, you’re more than enough. You don’t have to rush this, we’ll take it one step at a time, as slow as you need. And when you’re ready— really ready —we’ll make it work. But don’t feel like you have to be something you’re not. Not for me, not for anyone.”
I nod, feeling the tears welling up again, but this time they’re not tears of despair. They’re tears of relief, of gratitude, of love.
I lay in his arms, listening to his heart and feeling thankful for him. For now, though, I’m content to just be here, in his arms, letting the world outside fade away. Because in this moment, everything is okay. And that’s more than enough.