Chapter 15 #3
And it fits me, which matters most of all, because we don’t have time for much in the way of alterations. Catherine tugs at the bodice a little, noting where it could be taken in, and I glance at her.
“The wedding is the day after tomorrow. But whatever rush alterations cost—”
“Your fiancé already informed me,” she interrupts. “No expense spared. You’ll have the gown tomorrow evening, to your measurements.”
My stomach tightens, and I take another look at myself in the mirror. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around how easy things become when you have money. How much the world opens up to you.
The dress is a work of art, no doubt about it.
And it’s the dress I want to wear to get married in.
I feel a pang at the thought that a part of me wishes I could wear it for a wedding that would last, to someone that I’m in love with.
Someone who would look at me walking down the aisle in it and well up with tears at the sight of his bride.
I catch a pinched frown on Catherine’s face in the mirror, and let out a quick, forced laugh. “Just nerves,” I tell her. “I’m going to go show Alicia.”
"Oh my God," Alicia whispers when I walk out. "Leila, you look like a princess. No, you look like a queen.”
Catherine beams, her frown vanished. "This is it, isn't it? This is your dress."
I turn to look at myself in the three-way mirror, and I can barely believe what I'm seeing still.
The dress is transformative. The woman looking back at me looks regal, sophisticated, like she belongs in Ronan's world.
The dress is everything I didn't know I wanted, and everything I need for the kind of wedding we're planning.
"How much?" I ask, almost afraid to hear the answer.
Catherine names a price in the low six-figures, and I hear Alicia quietly choke on her champagne. I start to open my mouth to say we’ll need to revisit one of the other dresses I liked, but Catherine beats me to it.
“Your fiancé assured me there was no limit on the card on file. Would you like to look at veils?”
I open my mouth, close it again, and swallow hard. “Yes,” I manage, after a moment. “I’ll take the dress. And veils… veils would be great.”
Alicia's eyebrows shoot up. "Leila," she says carefully, "that's a lot of money. Are you sure?"
It’s so much money, more than I can ever imagine spending on a piece of clothing.
But I think about what Ronan said about this needing to be a statement.
I think about the kind of people who will be at this wedding, the kind of world I'm stepping into, even if it's only temporary.
This dress isn't just for me; it's for the role I need to play.
And that role matters not just for me, but for my mother.
It’s his money. If he wants to spend it like this, who am I to say no?
“I’m sure,” I say firmly. “I assume you need my measurements, too?”
Catherine nods, escorting me back into the fitting room as Alicia stares at me.
She bustles around, taking my measurements and making notes about the alterations needed.
The dress fits remarkably well already, but it needs to be hemmed and taken in slightly at the waist. A few moments later, I reemerge, still in the dress, waiting as she brings me a selection of veils, including one made to match the gown.
As she walks off, I catch Alicia's eye in the mirror.
"You're really doing this," she says quietly.
"I'm really doing this," I confirm.
"And you're happy? Really happy?"
My throat tightens at the need to, once again, lie to my friend. Happy doesn’t begin to come into play here. I’m not happy with being away from my mother, or mostly confined to Ronan’s house—expansive and luxurious as it is—or being forced into marriage to avoid a much worse fate.
But I am happy that I’m not dead. That I’m not in a cage, or trapped in some other mansion right now, with someone who paid an obscene amount of money to ‘own’ me.
I’m happy that my mother is provided for.
And I’m happy that, if all of this was going to happen, at least the man who found me seems to be a somewhat good man.
“Yes,” I say finally, and I hope it sounds like I’m telling the truth.
Alicia nods, and I can see that she's still worried, but she's trying to be supportive. "Then I'm happy for you." I can tell she means it, too, which only further tightens the knot in my stomach.
Catherine comes back with a selection of veils, including the one designed to go with the dress—a cathedral-length veil with a fingertip-length blusher, all of it edged in a thick band of lace that matches the lace on the gown.
It’s a no-brainer—both Alicia and I immediately know it’s the one, and I try not to wince when I find out that the veil costs five figures.
“We’ll charge it to the card on file that your fiancé gave me this morning.
The dress will be ready and delivered to you, along with the veil, tomorrow evening,” Catherine informs me as she hands me the receipt.
I see Alicia glance at the number at the bottom, her eyes bugging out slightly as she does.
Alicia looks at me as I step away from the register. “So day after tomorrow, you’re getting married. This is really happening."
"This is really happening," I repeat, and the reality of it hits me all over again.
I feel cold and hot all over, nervous and nauseated with anxiety, and I suddenly want to be outside, if only to breathe in the bracing cold air and be out of the small, warm shop.
“Can you get a ride home?” I ask. “I can ask Finn if—”
Alicia shakes her head. “Sorry, but I’ve had all I can take of the men in black, I think.
” She pauses, biting her lip as we step outside.
I can see Finn waiting at the door, looking at me with disapproval.
We've been here longer than the allotted time, and I know he's anxious to get me back to the safety of the mansion.
Alicia turns to me. "I know you can't tell me everything," she says quietly, "but promise me something."
I nod, hoping it’s something I can promise. "What?"
"Promise me you'll be careful. This whole situation feels dangerous. The security, the secrecy, the rushed wedding… just promise me you'll be smart."
I bite my lip and nod. “I promise,” I tell her, and I mean it. I’m trying to do exactly that, and I wish that I could tell her the truth—all of it. Maybe one day I’ll be able to.
Alicia reaches out to hug me goodbye. "I love you," she says fiercely. "And I want you to be happy. If this man makes you happy, then I'm glad you found him, even if the circumstances are weird."
I feel tears prick at my eyes, wishing I could tell her honestly that Ronan means something more to me than just a place of safety.
That this was about love, a whirlwind romance, and not trying to stitch together a life that’s fallen apart.
"I love you too," I tell her, holding her tight.
"Thank you for coming with me today. It meant everything to have you there. "
"I wouldn't have missed it," she laughs, sniffing back tears of her own. "Your first wedding dress shopping trip? I'd have been there even if I had to fight through an army of men in suits."
I laugh despite myself. "You kind of did."
I watch as she tugs her coat around herself and goes to call an Uber, feeling a pang of longing for my old life, for the simplicity of having coffee with my best friend without armed guards and complicated secrets that I can’t share with anyone.
Finn ushers me into the car, and I lean my head against the window, thinking about the dress waiting for me in the boutique.
I wonder what Ronan will think when he sees me in that dress.
I wonder if he'll look at me the way he did that night when he almost kissed me, or if he'll remember that this is all just for show, just a business arrangement to keep me safe.
The day after tomorrow, I'll be Mrs. Ronan O'Malley, at least on paper. A shiver runs down my spine, cold prickling over my skin, and I wonder if it’s fear or anticipation of what comes after—of what the wedding night will bring.
I think it might be both.