Chapter 14 #2
It was difficult for me not to push for more, but I knew he’d already said more than he probably should.
Besides, there was something in his voice that helped ease the tightness in my chest, so I decided I’d let it go, at least for the time being, and trust that he meant it when he said everything would be okay.
I inhaled a deep breath and tried to redirect my thoughts but didn’t have much luck.
No matter how hard I tried, my mind kept dwelling on Zander and his brothers, so after a few moments, I finally asked him, “How long have you been a member?”
“Of the Sinners?” I nodded. “About thirteen years. Give or take.”
“And you like it?”
“Wouldn’t be a member if I didn’t.” His handsome face was void of expression as he told me, “The club life isn’t for everyone, Delilah, but for me ... it’s been everything. Like I’ve told you before, those men are my family.”
“Those men are dealing drugs, torturing people, and God knows what else. How can you call them family?” When I saw his face twist into a scowl, I knew I’d hit a nerve, but it was difficult for me to understand why a man who’d been so good to me was involved with criminals.
I held up my hand, trying to calm him down and said, “Don’t get mad.
I’m just asking for you to explain it to me ... help me understand.”
“I’m not sure there is a way for me to explain that would make you understand.”
“Please try.”
He turned to look out at the water, seemingly collecting his thoughts and then said, “Don’t go thinking I grew up in some broken home or anything.
I had a good life. Had good folks, good friends, but I always felt like there was something I was missing.
I didn’t know what that was until I met the brothers. ”
“What exactly did you find with them?”
He turned to me, his eyes full of emotion and said, “A sense of belonging ... a wholeness like I’d never felt before.
I know it may be hard for you to understand, but the second I walked into the Sinners’ clubhouse, I knew it was where I was meant to be.
It just felt right, and that feeling hasn’t ever changed. ”
“But if the club is so great, why can’t you talk about what goes on there?”
“It’s our way of protecting one another, especially our women. The less you know, the safer you’ll be.” Zander reached out and took my hand in his. “I know you have your reasons for thinking what you do about my brothers and the club, but they’re good men. I wouldn’t be a member if they weren’t.”
“I’m trying to comprehend it all, but it’s a lot to take in.”
“It is, but maybe in time you’ll be able to see the club as I do—a place where you know someone will always have your back.
” His eyes never left mine as he said, “You’re mine, so they’ll treat you like family and do whatever it takes to protect you.
Hell, if it comes down to it, they’ll take a bullet for you. ”
“Okay.”
Sensing I was still having doubts, he leaned in and kissed me softly on the forehead.
“My brothers aren’t like your father, Delilah.
They’d never sacrifice your life for their own selfish needs.
They just don’t work that way. For us, it’s all about doing what’s best for the entire club, no matter what the circumstances. ”
It was like he’d read my mind. From the beginning, I was worried that I might be making the same mistakes my mother had made with my father.
While I was still a bit skeptical, it gave me hope to hear him say there was a possibility the guys weren’t like my father.
Zander could tell from my expression that he was finally getting through to me, so he pushed, “If you give them a chance, I guarantee, you won’t regret it. ”
“Okay. I’m not making any promises, but I’ll do my best to keep an open mind and give them a chance.”
“That’s all I’m asking.” He reached for the bag of sandwiches and asked, “You hungry?”
“Starving.”
We pulled all the food out of the bag and started eating.
I took the moment to think about everything Zander had told me about his brothers.
It was clear by the way he spoke that he cared a great deal about them, and while I might not understand it all, I hoped in time I would be able to accept the life he’d chosen for himself—otherwise I might lose him.
I didn’t like the thought of that happening, so I would at least try to give these men a chance.
We were almost finished eating when Zander looked over to me and asked, “You never told me ... what made you decide to become a nurse?”
“I don’t know. I guess I liked the idea of helping people.” I shrugged. “I always thought I’d end up working at one of the hospitals, but I really like it at the nursing home.”
“They’re lucky to have you.”
“I don’t know about that, but the residents seems to like me ... at least most days they do.”
“McClanahan sure had good things to say about you.”
“Oh really? I didn’t know he ever said anything nice.” I chuckled as I told him, “He’s usually pretty ornery, but he sure seemed to like you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him quite so happy.”
“Did you know he used to be the president of the Dark Ravens?”
“The Dark Ravens? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of them.”
“They’re an older MC. Been around for years.
” He finished off the last of his soda before saying, “I didn’t know who he was when I first walked in, but once I got him to talking, I knew right away.
McClanahan was known for being a good leader.
He kept his boys in line, and they thrived because of it. ”
“I had no idea.” I suddenly felt very sorry for the man. It couldn’t have been easy for him to have led that kind of life only to find himself sitting alone in a nursing home. “It definitely sheds a new light on why he’s been so unhappy.”
“Yeah. It can’t be easy for him.” I couldn’t help but smile when Zander said, “I’ll plan on going by there again this week, and maybe I’ll bring one of my brothers along.”
“I think he’d like that.”
“Good deal.” Zander started to gather our things as he said, “You ready to get out of here? Ride for a bit before it gets dark?”
“Absolutely.”
As soon as we’d cleaned everything up from our lunch, we got back on Zander’s Harley, and a little jolt of excitement surged through me when the engine roared to life.
He throttled the ignition, and a smile crossed my face as we drove out of the parking lot.
It seemed strange to me that I got such a thrill out of being on his bike.
I knew part of it was the fact that I was with Zander.
He rode with such confidence and strength, like he was invincible, and I felt completely safe as I nestled up behind him.
I’d been to the lake many times before, seen the same views and ridden on the same roads, but on the back of that bike, everything seemed so different—like I was a part of the nature around me.
We started to pick up speed, and the warm wind whipped around us as we jetted around the deep curves of the road.
It was amazing, so much so that I was disappointed when the sun started to set, and we headed back to my apartment.
I wasn’t ready for my time with him to end.
It seemed I always felt like that when I was with him, and I had a strong suspicion that wasn’t going to change any time soon.