Chapter 15 #2
“’Cause I don’t give up on the peoples I cares about just like I never gave up on you.” Her expression softened as she said, “That’s what you do when you love somebody.”
“Even when they don’t do anything but hurt ya, time after time?”
“That’s right, ’cause I don’t do it for her. I do it for me.” She reached over and moved her bag to the ground, then motioned for me to sit. “I thinks it’s time for you and me to have ourselves a talk.”
“I’m not in the mood for a lecture, Ada.”
“Didn’t ask ya if you were in the mood, son.” She arched that eyebrow again. “Now sit.”
While I wasn’t happy about it, I did as she said and sat down next to her. “All right. Say what you gotta say.”
“I know it ain’t gonna be easy. Lord, I knows better than anyone what hell you been through, but the time’s come for you to stop holdin’ on to the past.”
“What makes you think I’m holding on to the past?”
“’Cause I ain’t no fool. I can see how it weighs on ya, especially when you’re with Remington.
All dose memories. That pain is likes chain pulling ya down, and nobody can lives like that.
” She shook her head as she went on, “I knows you think you got your part you played in losing yo folks and that young girl you loved, but the good Lord had plans for them that didn’t have nothin’ to do with you. ”
“If I’d been there, then maybe I could’ve done—”
“No!” she interrupted. “You can’t do that to yourself. It ain’t right, boy. You couldn’t have done a damn thing, and it’s time for you to accept dat!”
“Not sure I can do that, Ada.”
“Well, you best be figurin’ it out, or you’re gonna lose that girl in there.” Ada motioned her hand behind her. “Gots no idea why, but she loves you. Down deep in her soul. And I’m telling ya now, that kind of love don’t come aroun’ everyday. So, if you wanna hold on to somethin’, hold on to that.“
My chest tightened as I thought back to the months that followed my parents’ death.
All the heartache, pain, and abandonment I felt was almost too much to bear.
Lindsey was the only reason why I was able to learn to live again, to open my heart again, and it nearly destroyed me when I lost her.
I didn’t know if I had it in me to take a chance on going through all that again. “I can’t...”
“Don’t give me that nonsense. You can do anything you put your minds to. I’ve seen the way you look at each other. Y’alls got somethin’. Any fool can see that.” She huffed. “You need to open your eyes. Stop lookin’ at the past and start lookin’ at what’s right in front of ya.”
“And what happens if I lose her?”
“And what if ya don’t?” She gave me a knowing look as she said, “It’s time to let go of all them fears, all the guilt, and whatever else you’ve been holdin’ on to.
You’ve got a life to live, and it’s time to start livin’ it.
You’re a good man, Noah, and you deserve some happiness in your life.
Your folks and that girl would want that for you. ”
“You make it all sound so easy.”
“No, child. Nothin’ about this is gonna be easy, but nothin’ worth havin’ is easy.” When Cletus, our newest prospect, pulled through the gate, Ada stood up and grabbed her bag. “Now, I’m gonna get to gettin’. I suggest you do the same.”
“I’ll do my best.”
I took the bag from her hand and carried it over to Cletus’s truck.
Once I’d put it in the back, I helped Ada inside and said my goodbyes.
As I stood there watching them drive through the gate, I thought about everything Ada had said.
I had to give it to her. She had a way of getting you in the jugular, but as usual, a lot of what she said was right.
I had been holding on to the past. It was a big part of me, and even if I’d wanted to let go, I never knew how.
I wasn’t sure I had it in me to do it now, but for the first time, I actually had the desire to try.
I didn’t even know it was possible for me to feel the kinds of things I did for Remington.
From the moment I saw her, I’d felt a need to protect her.
Hell, I wanted to wring that guy’s neck for hassling her at the strip club, but it was nothing like what I felt when I found her in that fucking dumpster.
I thought those feelings would subside when the bruises started to fade and she was back on her feet, but I was wrong.
They only grew stronger. I tried to ignore the pull I felt towards her, tried to push it out of my head, but that was the thing about Remington, she was a force that simply couldn’t be ignored.
Her beauty.
Her strength.
Her goodness.
The way she looked at me like I was everything she wanted. I tried with everything I had, but there was no way I could resist that kind of temptation. After letting Ada’s words sink in, I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, she was right.
I had no idea if things could work with me and Remington.
Hell, with us being from two different worlds, the whole thing could blow up in my face.
I could be left with nothing but smoke and ash, but she was worth that risk.
When I finally walked into Ada’s, I found Remington sitting on the sofa, and like every time I saw her, she took my breath away.
She wasn’t all dolled up. She was just wearing a pair of shorts with a fitted t-shirt, but fuck, the woman was absolutely stunning. As soon as she noticed that I’d come into the room, she looked up from the book in her lap and smiled. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I went over and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. “Guess you know that Ada’s going to be gone for a few days.”
“Yes. She told me she was going to see her granddaughter.” She closed her book, then stood up and walked over to me in the kitchen. “I was kind of surprised. She hadn’t mentioned that she was thinking about going.”
“Not sure that she was.”
“Then, why did she go?” Her eyes widened with embarrassment. “Oh God. Do you think it had something to do with last night? Do you think she heard something?”
“Got no idea.”
“Noah!” Her face blushed red as she gasped. “What if she heard us?”
“Then, she heard something.” I shrugged. “Ada’s a smart woman. She knows things happen, so don’t sweat it.”
“That’s easy for you to say.” She inched a little closer, then took my water bottle from my hand. After she took a quick sip, she asked, “So, how’d it go at the clubhouse?”
“As well as can be expected.”
“So, there’s no news on anything?”
“None that I can share.”
She rolled her eyes with a sigh. “I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to that.”
“Well, if you’re gonna be with me, then you’re gonna have to get used to it.
” I was being curt with her, but honest at the same time.
The club was my life. If she was going to be with me, she’d have to learn to accept the good and bad that came with being attached to someone in an MC.
She needed to decide now if she was capable and willing to handle both.
“’Cause that’s not something that’s going to change. ”
Her eyes narrowed as she considered what I said. I thought she was going to come at me with some comment about the club, but I was wrong. “What do you mean ‘going to be with me’?”
“As I recall, you were the one who said I was everything you wanted and needed.” I slipped my arm around her waist and pulled her close. Damn, she felt so fucking good in my arms. “Or have you changed your mind about that?”
“No, I haven’t changed my mind about anything.”
“Good.” I leaned over to her, planting my mouth on hers, and kissed her thoroughly. Just when we were both starting to get carried away, I pulled back, breaking from our embrace. “Gotta go.”
“What!”
As I started for the door, I replied, “Gotta go make my rounds.”
“Can I go with you?”
I shook my head and said, “No.”
“Ugh...Okay then, when will you be back?”
“When I’m done?”
She rolled her eyes with a sigh. “What about dinner?”
“We’ll figure out something.” I gave her a wink, then stepped out onto the porch. “Don’t have too much fun while I’m gone.”
Before she could respond, I closed the door and headed over to the office to check in on McKinney.
I took him some leftovers and made sure that he didn’t need anything else, then headed out to do a quick perimeter check.
I was about to head back inside when I got a call from Menace.
As soon as I answered, he announced, “You’re not gonna believe this shit. ”
“What?”
“I was able to hack into the IA detective’s computer.”
“Thomas Long?”
“Yeah. Turns out he had all kinds of shit on Mathews and was just about to take him down, but Mathews got to him before that could happen.”
“Anything there we could use?”
“Hell yeah, but that’s not the problem.” I could hear the frustration in my brother’s voice as he explained, “With these fucking cops, it’s hard to tell the difference between the good and the bad.”
“No doubt about that.”
“If we want to find a way to use this shit against Mathews, we’re gonna have to come up with the right way to do it.”
“You think you can find out if Long had a partner or someone he trusted?”
“Got no idea, but I’ll look into it.”
“Good. Let me know what you find out.”
After I ended the call, I shoved my phone back in my pocket and headed up the steps.
As I reached for the door, a strange sensation washed over me.
At first I didn’t know what it was, but then it hit me.
It was hope—something I hadn’t felt in a long fucking time.
We were getting closer to taking these motherfuckers down.
Once we did, we could all get on with our lives, especially Remington.
When I walked inside the house, Remington was in the kitchen putting the dishes away. She stopped what she was doing and looked at me with those beautiful brown eyes as she asked, “Hey there, handsome. You hungry?”
“Um-hmm.”
“Okay, I could fix you a sandwich or some leftovers from last night.”
“Not really in the mood for leftovers.”
“Well, there’s some hamburger meat.” She started towards the refrigerator as she said, “I could fix you a burger or—”