Chapter 10 #2
He’d just realized it was my first time, and I was too scared to look him in the eye.
I felt so awkward and ashamed that I hadn’t told him, but it wasn’t something you just threw out there.
Most women my age had plenty of experience, and I was a little embarrassed that I hadn’t been with a man before.
And to be honest, once we started kissing and peeling off each other’s clothes, I’d gotten pretty worked up and didn’t want to stop.
Hoping he wouldn’t shut me down, I wrapped my legs around his waist and held him in place. “I’m fine, Rafe.”
“Fuck, Marlowe.” He brushed a loose strand of my hair from my eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Don’t make a big deal of this,” I whispered. “Please, just keep going.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t,” I told him, doing my best to reassure him. I needed him to know that I trusted him and knew he’d never intentionally hurt me. “I want this with you.” I placed my hand on his cheek. “I’ve wanted it since the first night you kissed me.”
After several moments, Rafe finally began to move, slow and tender, giving me time to adjust to the feeling of him inside me.
His eyes were locked on mine, searching for any sign that I was in any kind of pain.
I wasn’t. The discomfort had already subsided, and my body had slowly started to respond to him as tingles of excitement crept over me.
I found myself craving more. I wanted him to stop holding back and let go.
I wanted him to give me all he had. I lifted my hips, trying to encourage him to go deeper, harder, but he continued his slow, gentle rhythm.
I tightened my legs around his waist and rocked against him, hoping he’d finally give me what I so desperately needed. When he pulled back, I cried out, “Rafe, please!”
“Damn. You’re so fucking tight,” he moaned as he ground his hips against mine.
A deep growl echoed through the room as he finally gave in and thrust deep inside me.
Each move he made was more intense than the last. My eyes clenched shut and my head fell back as he continued to increase his rhythm.
Chills ran down the back of my spine when he raked his teeth over my nipple, then pulled it into his mouth.
Every nerve in my body was reacting to his touch.
My breath quickened, and the muscles in my stomach constricted as the intensity of my orgasm built within me.
A deep groan vibrated through my throat as he continued with his relentless rhythm.
I fought to catch my breath as a wave of pleasure crashed over me, and my orgasm took hold.
I was lost in a daze of ecstasy, completely consumed with the heat of desire when he drove into me one last time, finally reaching his own release.
The sounds of our ragged breaths filled the room as Rafe tossed his condom in the trash, then collapsed down on the bed next to me.
We both lay there in silence for several moments before he rolled over on his side to face me.
Every muscle in my body relaxed when he reached over and started to trail the tips of his fingers along my arm.
I knew he was worried, so I smiled and tried to ease his concern as I whispered, “That was amazing.”
“You sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine, really. You don’t have to worry.”
“I wish you would’ve told me. I would’ve taken my time with you ... made sure you were ready.”
“I didn’t want to make a big deal of it, Rafe. I still don’t.”
“The fact that you don’t want to talk about it is what bothers me, Marlowe.” His eyes narrowed. “I don’t want you feeling like you have to keep secrets from me. That’s not what this is about.”
“I’m not keeping secrets, Rafe.” I felt like I was sinking into a pit of quicksand. Nothing I said seemed to come out right. “I was just a little embarrassed about it and didn’t know how to tell you. That’s all.”
“You can tell me anything. The good, the bad, and the ugly.” He slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. “I want to know it all.”
“Well, my life has been pretty mundane, so that should take all of about two seconds.”
“Oh, no. I don’t think so.” He cocked his eyebrow with a sexy grin. “You’re the one who just up and moved from San Antonio to Tennessee without having a clue what you were going to do when you got here. There has to be a reason why.”
“I’ve already told you, it’s complicated.”
“I’m okay with complicated.”
“Let’s just say things weren’t exactly good at home.” I didn’t want it to sound like I’d grown up in an abusive home, so I quickly added, “It wasn’t that I wasn’t well taken care of or whatever. I just never really felt like I mattered, if that makes sense.”
A strange expression crossed his face as he asked, “You didn’t feel like you mattered? To who? Your family?”
“To my parents. My sister. My friends. Not to anyone. Everyone was too wrapped up in my sister to even notice me.” My eyes drifted away from him as I mumbled, “I know that makes me sound awful, but you’d just have to see it for yourself to understand.”
“You’re incredible, Marlowe. You shouldn’t ever have been made to feel like you were second to anyone.”
“I wish my parents felt like that. Even once. It would’ve made all the difference in the world.
” I could feel myself becoming emotional, and I didn’t want that to happen.
Not tonight. Not after sharing my first time with him.
Hoping for an escape, I sat up in the bed and eased the covers back.
“I think I’m going to take a quick shower. I’ll be right back.”
Before he had a chance to protest, I got up and went into the bathroom.
I turned on the water, and before giving it a chance to warm up, I stepped inside and let the cold water cascade down my back.
I tried to push away those hurtful memories that were trying to force themselves back into my mind.
I might not have been successful if Rafe hadn’t stepped into the shower behind me.
He slipped his arms around my waist and eased me close as he whispered, “You okay?”
“Better now.” I leaned my head back resting it on his shoulder. “In case you didn’t notice, I have a hard time talking about my family.”
“I definitely noticed.” He kissed me softly on the temple. “But I’m glad you opened up about them. Means a lot to me.”
“I understand. I should’ve told you sooner.” I turned around to face him as I said, “I’ve just worked really hard to put all that behind me.”
“So, you don’t talk to your folks at all?”
“I reach out to them every now and then just to see how they are or whatever, but they rarely return the favor.” Trying once again not to become emotional, I cleared my throat and smiled. “But none of that really matters anymore. My life is here now, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.”
“I’m really glad to hear that.” He lowered his mouth to my shoulder and started trailing kisses along the curve of my neck. “I kinda feel like we should’ve had this conversation earlier. Maybe then, you would’ve felt like you could open up to me about other things ... like earlier tonight.”
“Maybe so.” I smiled as I told him, “But tonight was perfect. I wouldn’t have changed a thing.”
Once we’d both finished in the shower, we dried off, and Rafe led me back into the bedroom. As I curled up under the covers next to him, Rafe looked down at me and whispered, “You’re amazing, Marlowe Davenport. Don’t you ever forget that.”
And then he gave me a kiss that set my entire soul on fire.
I’d never known someone who could make me feel so completely vulnerable and strong at the same time, but that was Rafe.
He was everything I never knew I needed.
It was like God had finally taken mercy on my heartbroken soul and given me someone who could actually see me—the real me.
Without even trying, he’d made me see that I didn’t have to hold on to the binds that tied me to my past. I could simply let go of it all, and that’s exactly what I intended to do.
Unfortunately, I’d soon discover my past wasn’t ready to let go of me.