Chapter 18
Raelyn
"Why don't you tell me a little about this fella you're seeing?"
"What?" My mouth dropped as I looked across the table at my beautiful, precious, loving, but impossibly nosy mother. "How did you know?"
"You can just call it mother's intuition.
" Mom always had a way of knowing things.
I could never keep a secret from her, which drove me nuts.
She may not have been my biological mother, but our connection was just as strong.
She smiled warmly, then added, "I knew the second you walked in. You're practically beaming."
"I am not beaming," I argued.
"You are! In fact, I can't remember the last time I’ve seen you look this happy."
I relaxed back in the chair and gave her a playful scowl. "So, you're saying I can't be happy without a man?"
"Oh, stop." Her smile grew even wider as she gave me a little nudge. "You know I don't think that. I just—"
"I know," I admitted. "I'm just messing with you. I have been seeing someone."
"I knew it." Looking excited like a kid at Christmas, Mom leaned forward and said, "You have to tell me all about him!"
"Well, his name is Conor, and I've never met anyone like him."
I went on to tell her all about our whirlwind romance, including how we'd met and that Conor was a member of the Ruthless Sinners. I was concerned she might disapprove of him belonging to such a notorious MC, but she didn't bat an eye and even asked, "When do we get to meet him?"
"It's a little early for that."
"Oh, don't be silly," she fussed. "It would be good for him to meet your family."
"I'll think about it." I glanced down at my watch and sighed when I realized the time. "I'm sorry to cut things short, but I've gotta get going."
"So soon?"
"I have my appointment with Dr. Holt today."
"Oh, great." Mom nervously tugged at her sweater and said, "I hope it goes well."
"I'm sure it’ll be fine."
When I reached for my wallet, Mom held up her hand. "You go ahead. I've got lunch covered."
"Thanks."
I quickly rounded the table to hug her, then rushed out of the diner and into my car. I had hoped it would be a short drive to Holt's office; unfortunately, there was a fire a few blocks over, and traffic was a complete nightmare.
By the time I actually made it to her office, I was ten minutes late, so I grabbed the paperwork I'd completed and rushed up the steps. When I stepped through the front door, I was greeted by a young woman with a clipboard and a warm smile. "Raelyn?"
"Yes, that's me."
She was wearing a baby blue cardigan with a pair of rolled-up mom jeans and loafers, so I assumed she was just the receptionist until she said, "Great. I'm Elizabeth Holt. It's nice to finally meet you."
"It's nice to meet you, too."
"Well, come on back, and we can get started."
"Okay, thanks." I followed her down the hall. "Sorry, I'm late. The traffic was a nightmare."
"It's the fire at one of the office buildings a few blocks away. They've been battling it for hours." Dr. Holt opened the office door and motioned me inside. "Make yourself comfortable."
I took a seat in one of the oversized chairs and glanced around. The room was small but in a good way. The bright walls and inviting décor felt welcoming, and I wasn’t intimidated when I turned to her and asked, "So, how does this whole counseling thing work?"
Dr. Holt took out her notepad and pen from her desk, then sat down across from me and asked, "Is this your first time?"
"It is." I slightly shrugged. "I never really thought I’d care for it but promised my dad to give it a try."
"So, coming to see me was your father’s idea?”
"Yes, it was. He didn’t take it very well when I got arrested. Evidently, he thinks there must be something wrong with me."
"Is there?"
I giggled. "Yes and no."
She smiled, then jotted something down on her notepad. "Okay, so why don’t we start with why you were arrested.”
"Okay, but be warned. It's a long story."
I explained the events that led to Haleigh’s and my arrest—which led me to tell Dr. Holt about my bucket list and some of the bold things I'd done. After I finished, she took a breath, then said, "Wow, you've experienced some pretty exciting stuff. Have you always been so adventurous?"
I knew right off the bat where she hoped to go with that question: to find a reason for all my crazy stunts. I could've lied or misled her but didn't see the point. It wasn't like she’d repeat anything I said, so I answered, "No, I used to be anything but adventurous."
"What spurred the change?"
"It’s complicated, but I have a brain aneurysm. I’ve had it since I was young, but I'm ninety-nine percent sure it's gotten worse, which practically means I have a ticking time bomb in my head."
"Oh." The blood drained from her face as she continued, "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."
"Yeah, I probably should've added that to my paperwork, but I wasn't sure I wanted to talk about it."
"What changed your mind?"
"Not what, but who." I sighed. "His name is Conor, and I'm pretty sure he's about to ruin my life."
"I see."
A knowing smile crossed her face as she leaned back in the chair. I waited for her to ask another lead-in question, but the doctor didn't say a word. Instead, she just sat there silently, staring back at me.
When I couldn't stand the silence a minute longer, I said, "He was only supposed to be another one of my wild adventures, but before I realized what was happening, I started to have strong feelings for the guy. Like I'm falling hard for him."
"And that's a bad thing?"
"Yeah, it's a terrible thing. I mean, I could die tomorrow, and this would all be for nothing." I dropped my head into my hands and mumbled, "I don't know what I was thinking. I should've never gotten involved with him."
"If you hadn’t, you would've missed out on getting to know someone you truly care about." Elizabeth shifted in her seat and continued, "Besides, you could outlive us all. None of us knows what the future truly holds."
"I don't know. I think some of us do."
"Okay, let’s take this from another angle. What does Conor have to say about all of this?"
"Nothing." I lifted my head just long enough to say, "He doesn't know."
"Oh, Raelyn." There was no missing the sound of disappointment in her voice. "You haven't told him anything?"
"I know, I know, it’s terrible. I'm an awful human being." I looked back up at her and said, "I should tell him, but I’m not sure how."
“Well, first, you aren’t an awful human being,” Elizabeth replied. “But if you care about Conor like you say you do, you’ll have to find a way to talk to him."
"But what if it ruins everything, and he doesn’t want to see me anymore?"
"It’s a chance you have to take. I know that’s not the answer you want.”
“No, it’s not.” I couldn’t face her as I said, “Maybe I can just wait a little while and see how it goes.”
“Yeah, you could do that, but I'll tell you this, being in a relationship with no trust is like driving a car with no gas. You can sit there and turn the key a hundred times, but you'll never go anywhere."
Her words stung, but only because I knew they were true.
I'd really made a mess of things.
I just didn't know what to do about it.
I could feel myself becoming emotional. "You're right. I'll talk to him."
"I think you’ll feel better about things once you do." She wrote something down on her notepad, then looked back at me. "How about your family and friends? Have you discussed your condition with them?"
"Oh, no. They don't know about it either. I don't see the point in worrying them until I have no choice."
"I see." She scribbled another note, then looked over at her clock. "Well, I'm afraid our time is up for today. Maybe we can discuss your family a little further during your next appointment."
"Sure." I stood up and collected my things. "Friday at ten, right?"
"Yes, that's correct."
"Great. I'll see you then."
As I started for the door, I realized how much better I felt after our session. Dr. Holt hadn't been judgmental or harsh like I feared she'd be, and I genuinely enjoyed my time with her.
Before stepping into the hall, I turned around and said, "You know, I think my dad might've been right about this whole counseling thing. It was nice to talk about this stuff with you."
"I'm glad you think so. Hopefully, you'll continue to enjoy it."
"I'm sure I will. See you Friday."
I felt pretty good as I left her office and headed out to the parking lot, but sadly, it didn't last long. As soon as I got in my car, I checked my phone and saw that I had three missed calls from Tara, my project manager. My stomach sank when I realized I was late for our weekly meeting.
I had to get to the office before she blew a gasket, so I tossed my phone in the passenger seat, started my car, and sped out of the parking lot. I was about to cross the first intersection when I spotted a black truck running the red light and barreling straight toward me.
Before I even had time to react, the truck plowed into me, and suddenly, everything turned black.